I have a 5 day weekend for thanksgiving. I don’t have any plans. BF of 7 months is unable to spend even part of it with me due to family obligations. Is this a red flag?

likefunny
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Instead of asking strangers, look at this as the first level in the communication challenge of life. Vulnerability sucks but you’ll actually get the real answer

likehelpful

It’s just long enough I don’t think it’s rushing to take you home for t-gives especially if you have no other options. Assuming he’s secure in the relationship, which he may not be. This would be hurtful to me. One year I was getting ready for depositions (2 years into a relationship) and my family was far away so I didn’t travel for t-gives. My ex’s family lived 45 minutes away. And he didn’t invite me, knowing I couldn’t travel far for thanksgiving because of work. He did bring me some leftovers though. It still hurt me. After 4 more years this didn’t change. Your bf likely won’t change - and to me it sounds like you two have different values. He wants you around when he wants you around, and when he doesn’t, you don’t matter. I did that for a long time, and it messes with your head.

like

He might think you’ll be put off if you meet his family and/or be worried what you’ll think of him if you see how he is with his family / their family dynamic. Took me a loooong time to intro my parents for this reason. (I’m a woman)

likesmart

How long did it take you? My partner hasn’t introduced me yet and she says it’s for the same reason

Yes, you can see the red flag if you look into a mirror…🙄

likeupliftingsmart

why is OP a red flag?

like

If his family is far away and he’s not ready to bring you, I think that’s ok. Would discuss what the plan is for 2023. My bf and I always do separate stuff at Christmas because we don’t want to leave parents alone and it’s too difficult to do a split location holiday.

If he’s a short drive away, red flag…

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Not a red flag. 7 months might be too early to introduce you the family as a bf, and too early to ditch his family for you, depending on how his/their plans/travels are set up.

Please consider that just because you have no plans on a long weekend, it doesn't mean that others have the same flexibility, or that they owe you their time/attention.

like

Doesn’t get away from the simple fact that OP has no plans because he didn’t make any plans for himself. OP is an adult.

It seems like he was playing a game and aiming for an invite that BF wasn’t ready to give. When BF probably gave him plenty of advanced notice. Now he’s playing the victim. Seems manipulative to me.

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Not wanting to bring you for the weekend with friends is a red flag.

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Is he out to his friends and family?

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7 months is a short relationship. As others have said, he doesn’t owe you an invitation to every single part of life. This is ONE WEEKEND.

You DON’T have plans because you didn’t make any plans. Not because your BF didn’t invite you somewhere. You’re an adult. Plan something on your own.

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@Legal Counsel- and what if OP was single? Would he have made plans then?

He did this deliberately.

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I don’t think this a red flag especially since you’ve talked about it. I wouldn’t push him into inviting you to his family or a friends trip but if it’s an ongoing pattern, probably warrants another conversation. Every relationship is a little different and the timing around meeting/traveling with friends and family can vary a lot. I wouldn’t think in terms of “is it too early” but more along the lines of “Do I want to meet his family?” “Do I want to travel with his friends?” “Do I want to introduce him to my family yet?” If the answers to any of these questions are yes for either/both of you, then I don’t see why you are waiting but it sounds like he isn’t ready yet and that’s okay but hopefully he will be soon.

like

It’s only a red flag if you’ve shared your thoughts with your parents and they still weren’t able to meet you metaphorically halfway.

Why aren’t you spending any of it with him and his family?

So I asked my bf if 8 months to join my friends n family, but he will not.. is that a red flag? 🤣🤣

Bcos he’s 30 n I’m 22 my friends r all my age

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