{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I have a few problems 🐠 help me out here:\nI’m 24, and have been with my gf for nearly 3 years. I feel she’s the one, and she wants to get married in the next 2 years. Now, my concerns:\n- If I get married soon, I’ll never be able to experience the single life again. I still want to travel and work abroad and have new adventures\n- We don’t see eye to eye on what our end goal is. I want a power couple, but she wants to be stay at home wife/mom after 30\n\nAll else, she’s perfect. What can I do here?", "post_id": "5f0e1f7b3cdf7300280e2baf", "reply_count": 40, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession ", "feed_type": "bowl" }

I have a few problems 🐠 help me out here: I’m 24, and have been with my gf for nearly 3 years. I feel she’s the one, and she wants to get married in the next 2 years. Now, my concerns: - If I get married soon, I’ll never be able to experience the single life again. I still want to travel and work abroad and have new adventures - We don’t see eye to eye on what our end goal is. I want a power couple, but she wants to be stay at home wife/mom after 30 All else, she’s perfect. What can I do here?

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I’m 23 and next week my girlfriend and I will have been together for two years. I’m a year behind ya. The single life sounds appealing but the grass is always greener. Does she not like traveling? Would she not want to join you if you were to work abroad? Because my girlfriend would be so down for that. It’s nice to have an adventure buddy. Do you want kids at all? If so, you should probably do it in your late 20s or early 30s. Being a power couple is cool in theory, but there’s a benefit to having your wife take care of the house and kids. Child care is also fucking expensive. You just need to have a conversation about what you guys want. Communication is key.

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Shit I wish I had thought about all this when I was 23 😂

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If you guys disagree on the end goal then she’s probably not the one. Not trying to burst your bubble, but agreeing on what you want long term is basically everything. Respect and having mutual long term interest/goals is what keeps people together. I think missing the single life, traveling, freedom, is all natural. It’s your 20s, you want to explore life as an adult. I will say that the right person should knock your socks off and make you feel like you want to do all those things with them, not on your own. If you feel like getting married with limit you, don’t do it. Go do those things. Advocate for your adventures and growth. Don’t miss out on opportunities that literally come once in a lifetime. I will also say, you are 24. You are young. You have time to figure these things out. Don’t rush to marry because it seems like it’s time. Do it because you love them and it’s the next step you want to take, not for pressure or because it’s supposed to be time.

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Good advice

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It sounds like you guys have very different visions of what you want your future to be and it definitely doesn't sound like you guys are ready to get married yet.

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You may become bitter if she decides to stop working and you have to be solely responsible for financially supporting her and the family. She may become bitter if she has to keep working though. You guys are very young, no need to rush.

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I was 23 and engaged to a guy I thought was “the one”. Then he left me and I realized he wasn’t. Now I am almost 29 and can’t even imagine my life if I had married him. I will find someone else who is better for me, and I will be even happier than I ever was. My point: She is not your person if you do not have the same end goal in mind. To be honest, you’re 24; you will change your mind on who you think is “the one”. Leave now and live your life as a single person until you find the person you can spend your life with without ANY reservations.

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OP, I also want to be part of a power couple 🙋‍♀️ lmk if you and your gf don’t work out

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I’m gonna take that as a compliment :)

Honestly you have what everyone dreams of. Talk to her about having those adventures together. Moving abroad, traveling etc. You could even take some apart (physically not suggesting open relationships) and travel on your own. But don't take what you have for granted. Finding the one is not easy at all

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Why don’t you just become Partner or CEO somewhere. If you’re making $1m+ do you really need her to work?

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Having come from the same background as OP (poor and always struggling to stay afloat) it's less about the actual power and more about security and feeling like it's not all on my shoulders and I have a "safety net" to fall back on if shit happens. At least for me and why I could never be with a guy who is struggling financially himself.

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She's not perfect if you're not seeing eye to eye/have the same end in goal in mind. Food for thought.

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I thought i knew what I wanted when I was 24, too. Now I’m 38 and realize how naive I was. You have so much time to decide and experience things. It doesn’t sound like you’re ready at all. Take a break.

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I have to say - she sounds perfect. Might want to lock that down before you miss out on that. Especially if you’re confident she’s the one. Hopefully she’s worth losing a couple years of bachelorhood.

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This is tough and I think I was your girlfriend in this situation. We got married at 26 and now have 2 kids at 31. My husband always thought he’d go off and do I banking in New York. I always thought I’d be a stay at home mom by my late 20s. It took a lot of convincing but my husband was finally on board with my retirement. Then covid hit and he’s not comfortable with me quitting anymore. Sometimes I wonder if it would have been easier if I married someone that was really supportive of my being home but then I remember that he is 100% my person and we have these amazing children. I think he sometimes wonder what his life would look like if he went to New York. I’d continue to have a conversation about it and assuming y’all can civilly discuss things, I don’t think it’s a deal breaker. We’ve both softened our views over the years. Sometimes our kids drive me crazy and I’m so glad I have work to escape to. Sometimes my husband doesn’t think we really need my salary and wants me to stay home.

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You can travel and work abroad being married. You can experience that together. Just bc you are married doesn’t mean life as you know it is going to end. On the contrary you have a partner to share it with. Having kids in the other hand is what really changes things but you can do that later, it doesn’t have to be right away.

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What does power couple mean to you all? Don’t mean to derail your post OP, just curious about what people mean when they refer to such

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have to agree on end goal

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As long as you are not referring to dating with different women to get the experience of single life, you can still have similar experiences. I’ve seen married couples travel and work abroad. Even seen couples with kids doing this. You both are young. Your ‘end goal’ may change as you mature. Does she want to stay home forever after 30? I’ve seen women stay at home/work part time when their kids are young and then go back to workforce. Staying home doesn’t mean you both can never be a power couple.

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If you two disagree on what you want your lives to look like, I don’t see how it can work. I wouldn’t get married unless you can get on the same page. I don’t think life goals are something that can be compromised on

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Yeah I don’t see how she’s the one if you have different philosophies on a pretty big issue

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I don’t mean to sound bad here, she’s definitely the one. I’m just frustrated and feel I would be settling down way too soon.

It doesn’t sound like she’s the one if your life goals and philosophies differ. Loving someone doesn’t make them the right forever partner

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Tough situation - on one hand, you don’t want to let the person you love slip away, however big picture life choices like kids / child rearing are key components. You can travel and work abroad as a couple, that is workable, but your end goal issue could be tough to work out a win/win. What’s driving the desire to be a power couple? Money = security? Can you get to security another way?

Thx. I grew up in a very low income situation and always dreamt of having a family with relative power, security, and influence

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Thanks for the feedback 🐠

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