I have a friend who hates when people “keep count” of nice gestures/favors done, because she has been getting called out for not returning them. I do think if you value someone, you appreciate what they’ve done for you & hope to return the favors when they are in need. What are your thoughts? In relationships, I also hear to cut someone off if you are showing effort but they don’t. I don’t see how this is any different?

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What is her reason for not returning favors?

I think people keep count when they know the other person can afford to return the favor. If you keep paying for someone’s meal and they never pay for yours, you’ll eventually stop paying. I doubt people count every time but enough to get a general idea.

Patterns usually develop

Yeah, I like this. I think I tend to observe patterns rather than keep count as I’m not that detail oriented and it would feel weird and transactional to keep count. Would spoil the fun and joy of doing something nice!

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