I have a friend who is mixed (3/4 white, 1/4 Asian). She’s white passing with a fully white name. When the topic of Asian hate comes up, she claims that she experiences it in the same way I do and that the world sees her as asian (I’m first gen Asian American, parents gave me an Asian name). But when being white benefits her, she “chooses” to be white (eg in grad school admissions, where marking Asian on your app might hurt you). I’m kind of annoyed with her taking advantage of the current focus

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Just like people with darker skin claiming to be black. People will do what’s best for them. I don’t know why you have issues with her living her life as she’s not harming anyone. If anything, you’re the racist one here by trying to push race into this.

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S1 - so if you have a race-based thought or discussion (i.e., push race into a discussion), that makes you a racist? That's a new and interesting definition.

So the only people who are not racist are those white people who claim "I see no color"?

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OP I think you have every right to feel a bit frustrated. Honestly surprised by some of the previous comments. As a 1/2 white and 1/2 Asian person myself (who also has a white name and passes as white), I would never say that I’ve experienced the same type of racism, hate, discrimination, etc. While I agree that no one can truly understand your friend’s whole experience, she sounds naive - either to the actual extent of hate and racism in our country OR to her own privilege as someone that is perceived by society as white

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Picking the wrong fight and the wrong enemy friend; redirect that frustration outwards.

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Yes, spend your energy on other things. You getting annoyed benefits no one

As a mixed person who is also very white passing — I think it’s a bit crazy to say that I’m experiencing the same amount of prejudice I know my ‘full’ Asian relatives are. You’re right to be annoyed.

But I wouldn’t discount that she has probably also experienced some pretty nasty racism. I’ve seen it on both sides — both directly receiving it as well as witnessed people make comments about it before finding out that everyone in the room wasn’t white.

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As a half Asian half white person who is semi white passing, I think what she is doing is fine except for claiming that she has the same experiences as you. I say that anyone should choose what arbitrary race box they want to game this actual nazi-derived racial classification system to tear it down, but we need to be sympathetic towards everyone and understand that everyone’s experiences aren’t the same.

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There are privileges and downsides to being white passing that are very different than being Asian. But that doesn’t make a white passing Asian not Asian.

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So OP I have a little bit of a different perspective — I’m Indian and pretty fair complexioned — I have had many many other Indian people (incorrectly) mistake me for white. No white person has ever made that mistake. So perhaps hateful people have truly been that discerning to her as well. I am sure she is feeling the shock and pain of seeing people who look like her family members and elders attacked. And this may be a stretch, but I imagine you may be afraid of, or already feeling like your own pain is at risk of being overshadowed and maybe you’re not getting all the support that you need.

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So this is an issue that comes up in the black community too (lighter-skinned people tend to get outsized representation and other benefits). I also just learned that Native Americans generally hate questions about how “mixed” they are cuz they view the concept of blood quantum as some white nonsense imposed on them; either you are a member of the tribe or you are not. I don’t claim to know enough about those communities to say how they deal with it, but it might be a good place to look if you truly want to invest the time to do so.

There is obvious privilege in being able to pass as white in this country; she may still face racism though it is absurd to claim it is the same, as not even all fully Asian people experience racism the same; you can still feel annoyed about it; taking full advantage of one’s resources is what pretty much everyone does. All of these things can be true at the same time.

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As a halfie I constantly have to deal with most Asian people identifying me as White but non Asian people identifying me as Asian. I always try to identify as both but if I had to check one box it would be Asian.

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With all due respect OP, this line of thinking contributes to the ostracization mixed people experience in Asian and Asian American circles. While you might see her as white passing, white people certainly know that she doesn't look like them and is not 100% white. It's unfair to assume that there are no stresses that come with that, both on the American and Asian sides. That being said, it's also fair to say that you both face difficulties across a spectrum, and I empathize with you that it's important to acknowledge that you both experience racial injustice in different ways. FYI, I am the person who always marked "other," "mixed," "Asian," or "Asian" + "White" on all my applications.

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And sympathy toward AAPI, but also taking advantage of the benefits of being white passing. Am I wrong to feel this way??

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Not to take away from this Asian American discussion, but in terms of applying to schools/scholarships/jobs, I’m more annoyed when it’s the other way around. Like Elizabeth Warren claiming aboriginal heritage to get into law school 😬

My guess is that checking the NA box back when Elizabeth Warren applied to schools was probably not really scrutinized and also not much of a priority / bonus. Now that it is, it is scrutinized much more heavily and if you are not an enrolled member I bet it mostly gets ignored.
Also, not commenting specifically on Elizabeth Warren, but claiming Cherokee heritage is apparently very common in the south and started as a way for people to subtly brag how “native” to the south their families are. (Bill Clinton, Miley Cyrus, Johnny Cash, etc. all claim this.) And it’s always someone’s great-grandma who is a “Cherokee princess”, never a male ancestor or anyone listed on the Dawes rolls or anyone who’s still alive to corroborate. 🤔

I have mixed folks discrediting and downplaying the gravity of racism towards AAPI. 😩

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