Related Posts
Additional Posts in Women In Consulting
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Privacy Policy and Terms of Service apply.
Download the Fishbowl app to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Copy and paste embed code on your site
Send download link to your phone
OR
Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile
Rising Star
Well… I think you are very astute to recognize that this kind of behavior is, in the long term, harmful to your relationships because people that love you and care about you should be able to trust you fully and know you deeply. So if the goal is to build rich, open, trust-filled relationships I would consider why you think being open and honest about your thoughts, opinions, and preferences FEELS like a better option in the moment? I would try and give those feeling names. Then I would strongly encourage you to fully experience the feeling. Give yourself space to be afraid and fully experience that fear instead of avoiding it. If you were taught to bottle up your emotions that may be hard, but your body and mind need to go though the cycle of feeling bad then having that bad feeling resolved. CBT therapy is pretty effective at addressing avoidance behaviors. Here are a few resources: https://www.psychologytools.com/professional/mechanisms/avoidance/
Rising Star
Thank you, helpful response. I will look into avoidance.
Rising Star
I do not do this at work; I think because it’s less personal to me there and I feel more confident in myself/my abilities. Also I know I’ve inherited a lot of this from my mom and how she acted/treated me. She didn’t work so somehow that’s the one area of my life not tainted by that dysfunction. But home and socially, it’s bad.
Rising Star
Can you give an example or two? Is the issue fear of being less than perfect? Fear of being disliked? Fear of abandonment? What exactly are you trying to prevent from happening?
Rising Star
I think all of the above.
A silly one is I’ve been hiding from my husband I sometimes order lunch when I WFH. I wouldn’t lie if asked but I try to make sure he won’t see containers in the trash. I don’t want to deal with what would most likely be a slightly annoyed reaction about cost/unhealthiness. I feel super childish and ridiculous about this.
A less silly one is I started arranging a visit with my dad, but circumstances happened and now we want him to get a COVID test beforehand. Im dragging my feet and almost would prefer to not see him vs ask. He may also be a bit annoyed, as we are somewhat paranoid, but I think would do so without complaint (to us at least).
A previous poster deleted their comment but I also think it was on target; I’m terrible during arguments and say lots of things that are convenient in the moment but are not really true, don’t reflect what I really think or feel, or get to the matter at hand. I’m almost entirely defensive.
I can relate. I often get defensive when my husband says something as little as “I think it would be better if… “. Honestly not sure how to handle this. I think it shows my insecurities.
Chief
Are you me? Also had a stay at home mom and didn’t learn to respond to or resolve conflict well because it was quite toxic as a child
Rising Star
I think some moms choose to be SAHM to minimize the need to interact with people who they can’t control, as they themselves lack conflict and other interpersonal/emotional skills.
It’s a big part of why I choose to work; I’m sure I would be worse if I didn’t.