I have a weird friends situation I’m not sure how to handle. I have a friend at work who I invited to a party at my house a while ago. I have a few different groups of friends who don’t really mingle other than at gatherings that I plan but they’re all super friendly when they get together. My work friend became a little obsessed with them and now tries to invite himself anytime I mention I’m doing anything with any of my friends. (Cont)

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Does he have other friends besides you? Maybe he thinks you guys are like best friends

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Stop telling him about plans you have if you don’t plan to invite him

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Okay, then just tell him you have plans and leave it at that… if he keeps pushing just say it’s not a setting where you can bring someone else. It sounds like he’s super pushy so being explicit may be best

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Me thinks he wants to be more than friends…..

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I just wouldn’t tell him about plans that you have, especially if you don’t have plans to invite him

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Seems like a super nosy guy 😪

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I think he has a romantic interest in you or one of your friends. Are you interested? (I don’t get the vibe that you are…). Maybe mention one time that you may be going on a date and hopefully that puts a bit of distance?

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I don’t think it’s my place to be inviting him to my friends birthdays, engagement parties and dinner parties. Sometimes ill also plan something small at my house with a specific group of friends, like my friends from college, and he gets offended if I don’t invite him. It’s not like my college friends are bringing over their other friends, sometimes we just want to get together and reminisce with people who we went to school with. If I say I have reservations with a friend he’ll say things like “well I would love to join you if you can still update the reservation”. It’s gotten to the point where I feel weird telling him what I’m doing because I know he’ll always try to invite himself when in all honestly sometimes I just want to spend time with specific friends and I don’t feel like he needs to be there. I still invite him to bigger events but I don’t know how to handle the day to day.

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Is he on the asperger spectrum? Sounds like he’s missing social queues and could explain why he felt offended by not getting Invited. (Is he otherwise pretty self involved? ). Add to this a possible romantic interest it could require you to set boundaries.

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You can’t invite yourself to a function that you do no know is happening.

Okay, I get it. This is a tough one. I am not sure what you can do in this case. Maybe you will have to set a boundary and let him know that he can’t continue to invite himself out with you and your friends. Or you can let him know that the function is for close friends only. Some people have a hard time taking a hint. I hope you are able to work this one out.

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