{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I have always been best friends with my mom growing up. As I grow older we have drifted apart. The topic for that drift is me not married yet. I so love her and feel guilty for making her sad. Need to really see how I can have a daily conversation without letting it get to me. I have told her many times that marriage conversations hurt me a lot because I want to get married too. I am going on a 2 month long vacation at my parent’s place and dread that this topic is going to come up daily.", "post_id": "6220fc37823435003baa12f9", "reply_count": 5, "vote_count": 1, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting", "feed_type": "bowl" }
null

I have always been best friends with my mom growing up. As I grow older we have drifted apart. The topic for that drift is me not married yet. I so love her and feel guilty for making her sad. Need to really see how I can have a daily conversation without letting it get to me. I have told her many times that marriage conversations hurt me a lot because I want to get married too. I am going on a 2 month long vacation at my parent’s place and dread that this topic is going to come up daily.

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Set boundaries with her so she knows what type of conversation you will not engage in. This will allow you to enjoy your time there more and not be guilty or angered by the same topic of conversation being brought up.

For example, I would let her know out the gate you do not feel comfortable taking about your relationship status and/or non-married status. You wish to avoid this topic of conversation the entire stay and you hope she can respect your wishes.

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This is exactly how my brother and I handled my parents divorce. My brother felt my dad was completely in the right whereas I felt my dad was not perfect. To maintain our relationship, we just avoid that subject.

Oh boy, I remember so well when I told my mom there is a chance I won’t get married. She cried, I felt so sad. It’s been almost two years since that first conversation, and honestly I try to not avoid it when she brings it up. It helps her as much as I get comfortable with the topic, heal in the process (let’s be honest all moms want their daughters to marry), and not loose the strong bond we have (which has become stronger since).
If she’s you’re best friend, don’t avoid it. You both need the conversation.

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I love this advice. I eventually got married but had so many of these conversations with my mom before. I always made to share the worst PG dating stories and even empowered her to set me up with someone. She never did.

I also think her pressure for marriage was really pressure for grand babies… so it didn’t end on my wedding day, just changed direction.

Not about marriage but I've definitely related on many other fronts

I am also basically best friends with my mom and she used to do talk a lot about my weight. As someone with eating disorders and severe body dysmorphia, I'm sure you can imagine the tension it's created.

BUT it may have taken years, but my mom does understand now. She still lets comments slip but she has changed a LOT.

My suggestion would be to tell her ahead of time that you can't handle these marriage conversations. Tell her you know she cares for you but it doesn't help, and that you don't think you can come to the vacation if the conversations don't stop. I don't know your mom, but a big ultimatum like this can definitely help her realize it.

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