{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I have gained some weight during the past months. On a one-on-one with a partner, I got a “friendly advice” to get back in shape since looks matters to clients.", "post_id": "6230ff26101849002af58125", "reply_count": 211, "vote_count": 86, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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I have gained some weight during the past months. On a one-on-one with a partner, I got a “friendly advice” to get back in shape since looks matters to clients.

likefunnyhelpfulupliftingsmart
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A woman here. First this person should Never discuss your weight. Period. And if you feel the need to report you should or you can address it with him directly and tell him how uncomfortable it made you and you don’t feel it is appropriate. Different topic this created as I read your post; I have been discussing with my SO how we present ourselves to the market matters. He has gained weight and he does not feel as confident and he feels a desire to get in better shape as a way to present himself better in the market and also to enhance his personal and company’s brand. This decision should be made in the privacy of ones home and never with someone in the office of course. But this conversation made me think about how people view others brand in the marketplace when they are of average weight verses this possible discrimination that overweight people have to endure. It is an interesting topic since many of us represent our own personal brand and our company’s brand in the market.

likesmart

I haven’t given this a lot of thought and I was going to ask more context. Were you talking about weight and Covid when the comment came up? I’m trying to picture of the discussion. Was it a situation where Covid came up and you were talking about weight you’ve gained and he said that he had gotten shape and you might feel better if you’ve tried a new program because it helped him? Or were you talking about something completely unrelated and he just looked up, saw your weight gain and said you really need to get into shape? Just trying to understand yes he had good intentions with a terrible delivery or if he had very horrible intentions. Either way if he had good intentions probably a discussion that shouldn’t come up at work. But sometimes people do have good intentions and a horrible delivery. I’m just trying to understand the context of how this came up in the first place because in all my years people don’t typically mention other peoples weight at work.

likehelpful

Or M boss to M sub or F boss to M sub.
It’s not 1978 or even 1993 - any manager even remotely paying attention over the last 20 years or so should know it’s not OK to “coach” on things like weight or hair. Can you imagine a F boss coaching a M sub on Rogaine use? Preposterous, right? Well this is just as preposterous.

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No way. Are you okay?

likehelpful

Straight to HR. Do not pass go do not collect 200.

likesmartfunny

Right. Could land on go which means you get $400

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A good response would have been ‘well then please remove me from all projects/teams that work with clients who gauge professional skill by the amount of mass on my bones’

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I don’t say this lightly - but - aggressively pursue this with HR. It’s not even remotely acceptable under any circumstances - especially at the partner level.

likeupliftingsmart

Partner is right tho

likesmartfunny

A4 yes lol come on. We all know this

Wouldve been typing a letter to HR while I was still in that meeting. What a d*ck.

likesmart

That’s not okay. Not only is that rude, there are many reasons people can gain weight that is out of their control. Not sure how looks matter to clients so much, 3/4 of the ones I’ve worked with have not been thin so not sure who is judging you. I think that is a very harsh thing to say to anyone…you matter and you don’t need to hear such mean things.

likehelpful

Guys, just because I’m seeing this a lot in the comments:

I assure you, I am perfectly healthy even with the weight at I’ve gained!

likeupliftingsmart

Also find this person at your firm! I was sent this and told I’m the curmudgeony friend

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZML5BGDVA/?k=1

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I don’t believe you , post your before and after pic plz.. sorry I meant I don’t believe male partner said that to you . How can someone be that stupid

likefunny

Really, tell me you are male without telling me you are male

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I’m so sorry this happened to you. No one should be perceiving anyone else’s body, especially in the workplace. I gained 40 lbs during the pandemic and my bloodwork shows that I’m actually the healthiest I’ve been in a long time. Size is not a measure of health, folks. Shame on the person who said this to you

likehelpful

Just because it isn't the *only* measure of health doesn't mean it isn't *a* measure of health. There's a reason obesity is a high risk factor for N number of diseases.

It's certainly inappropriate for the partner to comment on though.

likefunny

You should tell them it’s a physical reaction to working with that partner

funnylike

Just go to gym for an hour and tell the partner that you can’t work during that time because you’re taking their advice

likefunny

At that point I’d tell him I’m working out for 2 hrs lol

likefunny

I’m sorry to ask this question, but are you a women? I can’t see this happening to a man

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It’s BS that it happened. But for what it’s worth, the only time Ive ever actually seen a partner critique the physical appearance of a subordinate with my own eyes, it was my very highly-respected female partner telling my male associate to clean shave.

Not that this should cheapen OP’s experience, but just throwing it out there that I’ve seen the inverse of this with my own eyes.

likefunny

Ask them for a bill code to hit the gym since getting fit is apparently a work investment and no longer a personal matter.

likefunny

Bruh this is why the remote work environment is best. No one can judge you on anything except your deliverables. SMH. Unacceptable. Report the partner.

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Name the firm

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BAH1, that's in response to an appropriately removed post. I'll remove mine too now that theirs is gone. I agree one does not dox a firm.

Edit: nevermind I can't. Oh well point is we all agree

Hello guys!

For everyone who s asking:

I did end up scheduling an appointment with the head of HR and an hour later the partner asked me if there was anything wrong and why did I schedule that appointment.
So clearly HR checked in with him. I did end up discussing with them but discussed something random because I knew nothing good could come out of this.

So I decided to start applying to other companies!

Ps. Thanks for all the support 🤍

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Don't bother. Exit interviews are NOT formal investigations.

Dang so sorry this happened to you! For many of us we’re already self-conscious about our looks and even more so if we’ve gained weight during COVID. Even if he’s coming from a health perspective and saw you gain a ton of weight in a really short amount of time, it’s still inappropriate.
Do you think if he phrased it differently like using the wellness fund and balancing time to work on your health, if it would have been more well-received? Or if he talked about his own struggles with weight gain during the pandemic and acknowledged it was common? I’m just curious if I would even be amenable to that kind of phrasing (I feel like I’d understand it more only if it was management that I was close to).

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No. It would never be okay for you to bring up weight with a coworker whether your peer, subordinate, or supervisor.

likesmartfunny

I’m with you. Gained 30 lbs in Covid; have two chins now depending on angle of camera on zoom. Regardless of whether this is impacting my health or not (my bloodwork is normal), I can’t fathom anyone at work approaching me about this unless I initiate it. Completely inappropriate in any circumstance, and even more so because the partner was coming from a perspective of managing optics vs genuine care

likefunny

Weight is harshly judged in healthcare roles. Pandemic aside, women’s unique health needs pose challenges at different times in life. I’m not saying in this case - but a woman could be doing fertility, struggling with pregnancy or peri-menopausal which wreak havoc with metabolism and are nobody’s business. While on a 1,000 calorie meal replacement plan, one meal a day, I finished a business dinner of fish, salad and vegetables. My new boss whispered in my ear - you must really like sweets. It’s ok, I do too. “

likefunny

An individuals perception is reality - and if you are the customer it’s your right. I’ve done functional performance testing for decades - my perspective is shaped by seeing people slay jobs you’d never think they could do. I’ve evaluated a Mr. America who looked more fit than anyone - and couldn’t lift 10#. Even health professionals have health issues - and caregivers are famous for putting others needs before theirs. That aside, society often still views overweight individuals as lazy, sloth or self- indulgent. Experience and compassion soften some of those norms.

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