{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I have so much mom guilt sending my baby to daycare. She’s 6 months old. The transition has been harder on me than her (she seems fine and happy, just isn’t sleeping well there yet) but I wonder if I should try and find a different solution. Part time nanny, part time daycare? We can’t afford a nanny full time. If I’m WFH and we have a nanny part time is it realistic that I’d see her during the day or am I kidding myself?", "post_id": "6109c0926d4c3b002847643d", "reply_count": 28, "vote_count": 3, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

I have so much mom guilt sending my baby to daycare. She’s 6 months old. The transition has been harder on me than her (she seems fine and happy, just isn’t sleeping well there yet) but I wonder if I should try and find a different solution. Part time nanny, part time daycare? We can’t afford a nanny full time. If I’m WFH and we have a nanny part time is it realistic that I’d see her during the day or am I kidding myself?

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I had a nanny while i was working from home. You could see your baby during the day for NOW, but not long term. As your child gets older (9months to a year) you may need to stay away from the nanny. It can be very confusing for a child to see you pop in and out during the day. It would cause my child to cry for me every time I went away, or if she bumped her knee she would cry for me. It was torture. I eventually had to stay upstairs completely and only come down for nap time. Doing otherwise was hard on both my child and the nanny. If you want a nanny, get one, but don’t plan on seeing your child much during the day.

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I know. The separation is hard! Even though I couldn’t see her during the day, I could hear her play with the nanny and that was nice sometimes (unless she was crying and I couldn’t go soothe her… that part was hard). But my daughter has since started at daycare and she is THRIVING. She’s 2.5 so having interactions with other kids is so good for her and they have much more of a curriculum. Both choices are good and have pros and cons. You got this mama!

I love that my son is at daycare - he started around the same time due to covid delays. I’d give it a few more months before you make any decisions. As your baby gets older she’ll really enjoy the socialization aspects of daycare.

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It’s also hard to see her sometimes during the day while you are WFH - it’s hard for toddlers to understand you’re available and then not when they know you’re just in the other room.

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In my experience with my kids, 5 days a week makes for an easier adjustment for the kid than 2-3 days, especially when non-consecutive. It’s harder for them to settle into a routine and feel as connected with their caretakers and, as they get older, the other kids when they are going a couples days and home with a nanny on other days. And as far as seeing her if she was home, as was mentioned here a few times, it can often become too disruptive if you try to pop in, and will lead to a lot of tears when you have to head back into your office for a call. I cannot let me kids see me during the workday, but I COULD see if you did something as part of a daily routine (ie always having lunch with them) so they were accustomed to you being there for only that and then going back to work, it could work, but with some days at school and some days at home this would be harder to sort out, depending on the kid. If you were weighing a part time school/nanny scenario you could consider half days 5x a week at school and then a nanny in the afternoons. I’ve done this when my kids were first starting school and gave the best of both worlds in my opinion

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This is super, super helpful - thank you.

There are so many things I like about daycare - socialization, broader accountability, network of parents, etc. But I think it’s just I want her around… her daycare is very small and they really do follow her lead. I also do wonder if an individualized attention would suit her - even if it’s part time.

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Started my daughter at day at 6 months this year. She absolutely LOVES IT.

Not sure if your question is can you actually work with just a part time nanny? (I would say that is not advisable). However I have a full time nanny and wfh and yes I do enjoy getting to see my kids throughout the day. I try to have lunch with them most days. I also enjoy not having to rush to get everyone out of the house. My kids are still in their PJs when nanny arrives so our mornings together are calm and enjoyable.

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Sorry. I meant I am thinking of hiring a nanny for two days a week and daycare three days so I could see her.

Just wanted to say thanks for asking this question - very helpful for me as well!

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I wfh and we have an almost full time nanny. Monday through Thursday 8a-4p. I try to stay out of their way as much as possible but enjoy popping downstairs and saying hi when grabbing lunch or chatting when running out for errands etc.

When I had my son, I was cautioned that my schedule would become my nanny’s schedule. If they could not work, then I could not work either. 🙁 That being said; are you uncomfortable with the facility or is being nearby to help care for the baby the need? If your gut is telling you that the place is the problem don’t delay, find a different center as you resource nanny options.  I lucked into a licensed in-home small group care provider who I refused to move away from (DT Chicago w/2Kids!) until my children both started school. Your right fit is out there! best of luck

I think the daycare is good. It was highly recommended by friends and I’m pleased with the care so far. For the first year they don’t enforce a strict schedule unless we want them too. The first day they held my baby for her nap. Low turnover,1:2 ratio. My gut says it’s me that is having a harder time than she.

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How long have you been there? It takes time to adjust.

Oh my heart is with you! The first week is hard! Give it a little more time if you can. Even finding and hiring a nanny can take a while…

I have a full time nanny and my daughter is almost a year old, I’ve wfh since I went back to work. It’s totally worth it for us for the individualized care plus I block off my lunch hour everyday to nurse and have lunch with her. You can make anything work!

@EY1 - my nanny eats her lunch 😊

Give it a bit of time, first days are tough and separation anxiety (for the mom) is real! I had a lot of guilt when my daughter first started daycare at 7 months. She never cried, but I just felt guilty leaving her. At 20 months I still have guilt sometimes and miss her a lot. But she’s really enjoying interacting with friends her age. There are so many activities there that I could never provide for her at home with a nanny. I’m receiving so many beautiful photos every day. I can tell she’s very happy there and it’s the right thing for her. We tried a nanny a few days, didn’t work for us.

Combination of a few things, though I should say we didn’t really insist on trying to make it work and I know many people are happy with the nanny option. We just gave it a couple of days to see how it would go but daycare was always our first choice. - hard to keep her busy at home, we just can’t create the same fun environment. So she gets bored and screams a lot. Which then distracts me as I wfh. -she knows I’m wfh and wants to be with me, knocks on my door and she’s so sweet but it’s impossible to work. Everytime she sees me going to the kitchen or bathroom she starts crying again. -bcs she gets bored nanny wanted to take her to the park. I felt uncomfortable with that even though I know it’s probably ok. The supervision at daycare makes me feel more comfortable and reduces my mum guilt. They have plenty of outdoor space, some animals, lots of interesting stuff at daycare we just can’t provide. -Overall I am really happy with our daycare, love to see her interact with her little friends and thought it’s better for her, than being with with an adult all day. The only downside is she got sick a lot especially during the first months.

How long has she been going? Do they send you pics and status updates throughout the day?

This is her first week. And yes they do! She seems happy in the photos.

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