I have two close girl friends, who are now long-distance since I moved cross country. I feel like they’re being flaky since I moved (it’s been a year). I’ve addressed this with them several times now. They said they weren’t even aware but will work on it. It’d improve for a bit only to slip again after a while...

It just feels like I’m the only one really trying to maintain the lines of communication alive. I don’t want to be ‘begging’ for them to reply every time...

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Long distance friendships can be hard. My BFF has lived far away from me since 8th grade. Our closeness has ebbed and flowed. In college we were rarely spoke bc it was hard to find alone time. Now we talk almost daily. Try not to take this personally. It can be hard to learn to juggle that time.

A few things to try that may hel formalize things... send meeting invites to your friend for the GMAT study session? Send a follow up text to thread when there are no response? Send an individual text reminder day of?

We’re all guilty of seeing a text response, but not replying in the moment, and then forgetting to respond at all. It’s not personal, but it does hurt :-(

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Yeah, I feel you on long distance friendships being hard. I’ve sent the meeting invites for our study session... I guess she just dials in when she feels like it?

I told her I understand she’s probs busy, asked her if she’s too busy or she prefers a different time/frequency, but she says it’s okay?

I don’t know how I feel to be texting her 3 times a week to remind her of the call though:/ it already feels one-sided as it is. There’s the calendar invite for that already.

You should match the energy they are giving you. You need to ask yourself why you’re going to hard for and trying to be friends with folks who can’t reciprocate what you’re giving in return.

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You have to adapt to the new behavior, not home on because of something now in the past

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Move on :)

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When it’s long distance, then everyone finds some one and something that is local and fulfilling. Distance creeps in. It’s good when you connect, but it’s not something that one relies on or desires any longer..
maybe stop being too dependent on them and their friendship and make some friends locally if that’s what you sought for.
You don’t need to cut them off but maybe this will help in balancing expectations while continuing to be friends with them.

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Examples of flaky:
1. leaving me on read mid-conversation in our group chat (read receipts are on). NEVER addressing that convo again when chatting resumes the next week or so (they’d strike up something new altogether).

2. Also in regards to periodic study dates with one of the girls (we’re studying for the GMAT). She doesn’t show up most times, and will only tell me why if I ask her “hey, are we still on?”. Usually the reason is something going on at work. Totally understand being busy, but why not give me a heads up/just tell me she’s to busy to schedule the time?

C1, I think you’re right that it’s best to my maintain my expectations (and let them reach out when they do) and build other, more reliable connections. Thanks for your view.

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They don’t sounds like friends. More like mean girls.

They’re not mean at all. When they’re “there”, they’re very present, supportive and uplifting.

But just flaky & choppy communication that doesn’t seems to go away no matter how many times we’ve talked about it now. That’s why I’m super torn :/

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