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Additional Posts in Depression/Anxiety Talk
I’m so done with everything
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Bowl Leader
Do you catch yourself before you seek approval? Sometimes, if I feel like I’m seeking out external opinions too much, I’ll take a video of myself asking the question and then I’ll listen back and answer like I’m a friend of mine.
Or I’ll write out my concerns and why I’m looking for an external perspective- usually it’s just because some people in our lives have a much better relationship with their intuitions, so we want to tap into that
You won’t magically feel good enough, you’ll just make more decisions for yourself and decide that it has to be good enough.
Thanks for the recommendation. I’ll try the video taping myself thing
Therapy helps for sure but there are things you can do as well. I have worked really hard on this. One is sitting down and writing a list of everything you have accomplished that you’re proud of. From as far back as you can remember. Graduated high school with honors? Write it down. Bought a car with your own money and credit? Write that down too. Got a job you like? Write it down. As much as you can remember, even down to tiny things. Perfected a chocolate chip cookie recipe? Learned a new hobby? Hosted a dinner for friends? Just keep writing it all down. Refer to that list often. Important that everything you write in this list are things YOU did, and write as if you’re writing about someone else if it helps, like you’re writing a letter of recommendation for someone.
Also seek out little things you can do for yourself. The next time you say “I want x”, go get x. Then when you do it, write it down. Get comfortable with doing things for yourself and only yourself, then acknowledge and celebrate when you’ve done those things. Start small. It helps build the habit.
Thanks! I think this is a good recommendation since I often find myself always disregarding any of my achievements.
Pro
Therapy.
Bowl Leader
While I agree, it might be more helpful to expand/share your experience!
Hire a personal trainer
Hey, I am right there with you. I work so hard on stuff other people will see so that I can get that approval, but when it comes to doing something that is really just effects me, I can't muster the energy. I mean this is bad, because that includes, doing my time, doing my expenses, making Dr appointments, etc.
Treatment, therapy, hypnosis, positive thinking all my help or not at all. I'm deep into the self blame game that I deserve bad outcomes.
I hope you find your way out.
I do the same thing. Consistently meet deadlines but I never make time for myself. I have sought therapy but I don't do it often enough and some days are just hard. Have had a really hard time this year. Working for big 4 where I feel I'm consistently judged is also not helping and aggravates my approval seeking attitude.
I would listen to a very specific podcast episode on HBR Coaching Real Leaders about someone who lost their confidence and is working to gain it back. Lots of great actionable insight.
I think the real key to confidence is valuing yourself regardless of external signifiers like school name, work title, Tesla in the garage, etc. It’s okay to be proud of those external signifiers, but the David Goggins level of unshakable confidence that’ll pierce through other people’s degrees and titles like butter comes from knowing who you are, what you stand for, and where you see yourself going. If you don’t know David Goggins, I suggest googling him.
Thanks for the suggestions. Will look this up.