{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I just got married and make double what my husband does ($155k vs $80k not inc. bonus which is $10k vs $3k), what do other couples do in this scenario for expenses/savings? For joint expenses I pay double and for joint savings I double what he can afford to put in (he puts in $500/month so I put in $1k) For rent I pay $1500 and he pays $1250. We put in 50% of our bonuses into our joint savings.", "post_id": "601f1df0bd850d0020d9fbfd", "reply_count": 381, "vote_count": 36, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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I just got married and make double what my husband does ($155k vs $80k not inc. bonus which is $10k vs $3k), what do other couples do in this scenario for expenses/savings? For joint expenses I pay double and for joint savings I double what he can afford to put in (he puts in $500/month so I put in $1k) For rent I pay $1500 and he pays $1250. We put in 50% of our bonuses into our joint savings.

likefunnyhelpful
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We do a percentage of our income into a shared account, and pay all joint expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, food, etc) out of that. We use 75% as that gives us enough to spend and save jointly. We each keep the other 25% for ourselves to do whatever with, no questions asked (invest, buy something stupid, etc).

We have always had some income disparity. For a while I made less and now I make significantly more.

It seems like most here are giving you crap about even considering something different than the “one pot for all.” Don’t worry about that, make the right decision for you as a couple. If it’s one pot, good. If it’s something like what we do, also good. Just make sure whatever you choose is for the right reasons that make sense for you.

My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years and living together for 12. There’s no less love between us because we decide to share things based on a percentage.

Here’s an example of how this plays out for something big. I bought a corvette. With MY money (my 25% from my bank account, not our shared account). This is a ridiculously extravagant item. We didn’t have to plan around it or decide if it made sense for us. I discussed it with him, but ultimately the decision was mine. I pay for all maintenance costs, property taxes (thanks Virginia), and the increase in our insurance. It wouldn’t be fair to pay those costs from our shared account. We enjoy it together but I drive it a lot on my own. I’m happy. He’s happy I’m happy. It’s fair.

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Are you hoping to stay married, at least happily? Get one joint checking account and one joint savings account. Your money now goes into one pot. Assessing who contributes what will lead to a power struggle and inequality in the relationship. Set a budget, and stick with it. If you're afraid of losing your spending freedom, then set limits on a dollar amount for purchases that don't require asking the other for approval. With visibility comes trust.

My wife and I started out our marriage when I was in grad school and she already had a salaried, full-time job. Our pay was about even for the first couple of years once I got out of school. However, she's in the non-profit world. Today, I make 3-4 times what she does, even though she has a higher title than I do. I couldn't even tell you specifically how much she makes

We've never had an argument over who contributes what because soon after our first child was born (19 years ago), we were facing eviction if we couldn't come up with our monthly rent. We were literally turning over couch cushions to get enough change to come up with a payment. We couldn't care less about who contributed what when we needed each cent that we had. Almost 22 years later, we still treat every cent as being vital to the life we've had and the life we want to have - regardless of where it came from.

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I’m confused. What is this “I pay, he pays.” You got married. It is “we pay”

likeupliftinghelpfulfunny

🥁

Your household income is 235k and your combined bonus is 13k. Thats it. There is no mine and his and I pay and he pays. Are you roommates? Wtf? You split bills with your spouse?

likefunnysmart

Lol interesting comments... who splits expenses in a marriage? Sounds like a terrible idea 😅

To all the people that are being judge-y about separate expenses:

My wife likes to shop at amazon constantly. I like to buy video games in small proportion. We keep our finances separate and have shared savings/checking where we each put an agreed upon amount in monthly.

We have a happy healthy marriage. We agreed a long time ago that to avoid me being mad at her shopping habits and vice versa we would simply keep finances separate. As long as we keep saving towards our goals I don't care how many hats she buys for our dog.

Not everyone has the same approach and that's okay.

likesmarthelpfulfunny

K5 Not gonna lie, I've thought about your response for the last few days. I suppose you are right. This approach works because we both make similar amounts right now.

Years ago I was married to a woman who was on disability (she passed), and in that case our money was combined. To your point, it wasn't fair that I would have a hundred percent discretion over our spending money just because I was the one who worked.

Interestingly, I am planning on dropping out of the workforce to raise our children. In that scenario we'll have to change the way we approach our discretionary income due to the fact that she will be the only one bringing it in.

Her and I simply found it easier during these first few years in marriage to keep our finances as they are before we give up our discretionary income to spend it on kids lol.

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I am married. Everything goes into joint accounts. Inherited assets on both sides kept separate through pre-nup.

likesmartfunnyuplifting

Inheritance is not joint property. Keep it in a separate account and do not commingle with marital funds.

Why do high-earning women marry men who are obviously below them? This is a recipe for a divorce in 3 years.

likefunnysmart

PwC1 - I am not sure that’s what AVP1 was saying. I took it as ‘beneath them in their earning potential’, I.e. not on the same level.

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Your household income is $235k + $13k. You’re married now, stop splitting expenses like you’re roommates.

likefunnysmart

Thank you. When I get a raise my wife gets excited because WE got a raise and vice versa

likefunny

Which firm pays $155k for SA?

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P18- M1 at S& starts at $191 base

Do you keep separate accounts? This is so foreign to me! My wife and I have a single shared account. I don’t look at my money as mine - it’s ours. And I make 2.5x her salary. When we pay our mortgage, I don’t assess how much came from my income or hers. We’re married so it shouldn’t matter!

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Right. It makes no sense! If you’re not ready for marriage then back off!! I understand marriage ain’t for everyone and you’ve clearly proven it lol

In the spirit of “For better or for worse”, my wife and I combine everything. We’ve been doing it this way for 20 years. Yeah, we argue about $, but this approach works for us.

My sister, OTOH, splits her money with her spouse. They each deposit an amount of money into a joint account for common bills, but they keep the rest separate. My sister didn’t like it at first, but she now believes having her own pool of money to spend as she wishes reduces arguments over money.

Do whatever works for the two of you.

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KPMG 6. Don't you think that the problem was that you and your first husband had limited income and you didn't know what the other was spending on?
I am just repeating what you wrote, which means that you weren't spending on required bills, but fun or others without consulting each other on the limited budget for those.

I mean, in theory, you’re 50/50 partners for life, so unless you plan on getting divorced, just treat your entire income as one. This is what the prenup is for. You can get a postnuptial, if you want to define how assets should be split in the event of divorce.

likeuplifting

Yeah I’m always baffled by couples that split expenses like this. We have joint accounts and everything flows in together and it’s all our money we share everything.

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I am baffled by your bafflement.

You guys have a combined income of $230K. See it that way.

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Worse than that! There is the marriage penalty! Get ready to paaaaay!! We seriously consider getting a paper divorce every year for tax purposes....

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Lmk where you’re making $155k as a Senior Associate, I just want to talk

likefunny

S& SA hired from undergrad at PwC makes that amount

Indian male here I pay everything 😂 still get shouted at ....

funnylike

Is this some new millenial thing to keep finances separate once you get married?

likefunny

C5 is spot on. After watching boomer generation dragging each other down in court, sharp millennials are protecting themselves financially.

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I've seen comments like this multiple times. I am curious, after you marry, don't you pool all your money into a joint account and operate the household as a single unit as opposed to two distinct units. Expenses are paid out of the joint account. Maintaining separate accounts just seems you sre making it easy and convenient to divorce the first time you have a disagreement.

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There’s o size that fits all. There are people who pool their resources that end in a d percent. They’re those who separate their resources and stay happily married.

I’d wager that this is not a factor that even significantly affects divorce

I’m married and make more than my wife - there’s no “I save this, she saves that”. We are married so it’s all ours. I think splitting out the expenses and finances is a recipe disaster.

likesmart

We combined accounts and pay everything out of the combined accounts. Anything else seems like it would be both a pain to keep track of and a potential source of strife

This has worked for us for over 20 years

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It’s super easy to track...just look at your credit card or whatever account bill every month....

Combine accounts if that’s your thing. But it seriously takes about five minutes per month to track this.

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You’re married.. why are you even splitting costs like you’re roommates? lol

likesmartfunny

In my case, my money is our money and her money is her money. She contributes as she pleases and her own will. I don’t expect anything from her. Why? Because of my religion. “A woman in Islam does not shoulder any financial obligations; it is the man who shoulders this responsibility in the family. It is the duty of the father or the brother before she is married to look after her lodging, boarding, clothing, and financial aspects, and it becomes the duty of her husband or her son after she is married.” You may find it strange and that is okay with me. We have been happily married for the past 21 years.

likehelpfuluplifting

I out-earn my husband by 3x and I wish he had more of this mindset, lol. It causes me much stress. He is Catholic.

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