I just realized that my mom is a really selfish and narcissistic person. I am 35 and this realization has rocked my core beliefs and values! How do I cope with this? šŸ˜„šŸ˜„šŸ˜„

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Speaking with a professional should probably be your starting point to be honest. They should be able to help you with coping, interacting with your mother in the future, and recognizing any issues in your own behavior so you can at least be aware and in control of them (not calling you narcissistic at all, but often we can pick up bad behaviors from our parents - for example, my grandmother was abusive to my mother and while my mother certainly wasn't abusive towards me, there were times that she would display the same behaviors)

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Iā€™m sorry. I made the realization at 31, really through my boyfriend who put words to what I could never admit to myself. Itā€™s a hard pill to swallow, and Iā€™ve distanced myself from her more as Iā€™ve realized she just wants someone to mirror her and to stir up drama.

You canā€™t change her, but I hope there are other relationships in your life that bring you joy.

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There is a book, ā€œWill I ever be good enough, healing the daughters of narcissistic mothersā€ it has helped me in my relationship as an adult with my mother. The book is by Karly McBride. Very helpful. You are not alone!

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Thanks D1... bought the book and will start reading right away!!

I started reading the symptoms of daughters with narcissistic mothers and it almost feels like someone wrote about me!

God knows I need some help!!

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Tell us more. Context? What made you realize it?

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In spite of this realization, when I think about distancing myself from her, I canā€™t help but feel guilty to want to do that.. itā€™s so deeply rooted in me to take care of my mother but I am so conflicted at the moment..

The reason Iā€™m in the therapy. You canā€™t change someone or keep expecting them to behave differently, but you can take control and change the way to respond to others and how you set your boundaries with them. I highly recommend taking to a professional, it had helped me tremendously. Hang in there OP šŸ¤—

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My therapist suggested I pretend my Mother is a child. So now when she acts like a child I pretend she is one! It works somewhat.

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I have an emotionally abusive mother.
My therapist recommended a book called Adult children of emotionally immature parents. It was interesting to read and realize that if there was a whole book about this I was definitely not alone on my experiences. That being said I faced a lot of judgement from distancing myself from my mother, but you have to do whatā€™s best for yourself and your health.

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Been dealing with a narcissistic controlling mother for over 50 years now. I knew it was unhealthy for most of my life but didnā€™t get the narcissist connection until fairly recently. One more book to suggest Disarming the Narcissist, Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed by Wendy T. Behary. Very helpful. Also helped me recognize patterns in choosing men who are also narcissists - very common. Good luck and hope you find a way through - do what is best for you and try not to let the guilt trap you. Easy to say and hard to do - I still struggle with it.

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My mom passed away a few years ago and she was a narcissistic person too. Not selfish, but incredibly difficult to deal with. I had a very hard time coping with the situation. My therapist told me that I was mourning two different things, first being the loss of the mother I wouldā€™ve liked to have, the latter being the loss of the mother in reality. The first was actually a lot harder than the second for me to deal with. I know this is different from your situation now OP but I just wanted to share. Sorry for your loss. Therapy may help.

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