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Take the PHQ-9 online and score yourself. Your doctor will use something similar. Your doctor won’t tell you you’re not depressed if you tell them you are. Go to the doctor now so they can help with short term disability paperwork if needed.
SC1 — I can’t help but laugh. Oh the irony that my imposter syndrome about depression is actually a symptom of depression. What a life.
I’m sorry you’re feeling that way. I’ve been there before and know how tough it can be, so it’s great that you’re reaching out for support. I’m wondering: How long have you been feeling depressed? And do you have a sense of what precipitated those feelings?
Glad you’re seeing a doctor, and hope that person gives you what you need, including access to counseling or psychotherapy. Getting support is a really positive, courageous, self-affirming move.
I doubt you don't have depression. As someone who was clinically diagnosed, most of your symptoms are consistent with what I had. Chronic anxiety about job was one of my top 3 symptoms. Also, not all psychotherapists are same. So if you are providing your symptoms and you're not falling under depression, I suggest you find another. Please have some patience. Try some immediate ways of calming yourself down till you see the doctor. One of them is to take PTO and keep your work phone anyway. Realize that your work is not your identity. Try to get back in touch with your best friends if you're not already. Workout more. Again none of these may even help you, but to need to be a little pro active. Try to find things outside of your job that you have loved doing and go so them. Hang in there my friend. We will get through this, we need you!