I know it’s stupid, but there is a woman I worked with years ago who has friends/peers that are friends of mine. We were never friends, just acquaintances- got a drink once. Had lunch. Not close. At all. She’s very well regarded in her profession, and I in mine. I’ve recommended people to her teams, I’ve sent her great interns, I’ve shared her job postings when she has them, I’ve basically tried to support and connect her to great people. CONT in comments.

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I would flat out stop. No need for one sided relationships

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OP How long have you carried this one sided relationship?

Identify her nemesis, make a connection, and see if that becomes a more rewarding professional relationship!

likeupliftingsmart

She’d have to acknowledge my existence…and THEN I would have to get bitten by a rabid wolf, turning me into a fanged wolven super villain, where I would spend years plotting her downfall.

We’d finally square off on a rooftop bar industry event in Midtown, the wind would be blowing my mane and I would howl at the moon and then claw her across the face, scarring her. The next installment would be all about our backstories….and why she is such an ice queen— now with a maniacal facial scar that pulls one eye down all spooky like.

likefunny

I’ve always spoken positively about her work and her professional accomplishments. I’ve introduced her to people in our shared network who she should know.

But she refuses to acknowledge me directly. It’s weird. She never responds to my messages. She asked on LinkedIn for recos and I DM’d her some great people. WHO ENDED UP GETTING HIRED BY HER. It’s just her continued cold shoulder and lack of *any* communication I find so strange. I have never asked her for anything. Nor have I been like “let’s be friends”. Just tried to support another woman in our industry who I think highly of.

And she remains an aloof ice queen bitch. I can’t stand it. Like WTF is wrong with you that you can’t say “Thank you, that was kind” or “Wow, appreciate you sending these folks over.” It’s so gross and I feel so slighted. Ugh.

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Does she acknowledge anyone kindly? It could also be that she is not neurotypical and lacks understanding of social norms.

Why are you still actively trying to do things that benefit her then?

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There are some women out there who just have their own interests in mind…and even some who self-promote their women support groups yet have hypocrisy written all over them. Like this one chick who goes on about her networking group and yet she kicks people out of it if she thinks they are competing with her (when they are not).

Keep your frenemies close but don’t help her anymore. It hasn’t gotten you anywhere!

smart

This makes me feel so indignant! Thank you for looking out for other women professionals 😘 I think we need more of this! I would argue that if you’re helping other women (by sending recruits her way) - that’s a good enough reason to continue, but do so knowing you’re not doing it for her…. You’re doing it bc it’s who YOU are and why should you stop being true to yourself bc of an ice queen bitch? Keep it up. Do it with a smug smile. Everyone who knows you - and knows her - also knows who the better professional and person is. Reputations happen for a reason. Don’t let her stop you from succeeding in yours. (She’s probably threatened/intimidated by your bias for action). Just a teeny part of you can take satisfaction from that next time you send a great resource her way 😉😆

likesmart

Now you know that helping her no longer feels good. And you’re going to move towards things that do. Bye old connection.

likehelpful

Her behavior as you have described sounds like she is threatened or intimidated by you.

As a thoughtful contributor said, she might not be neurotypical and dealing with her own issues. However, to be professional and well liked by peers would make it seem like she does know how to integrate with society… therefore I think she knows you’re amazing and is threatened.

Either that or she’s in love with you.

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