I knowingly got married to a person with some psychological problem. my initial assumption was that she’d get better after leaving her parent’s toxic home. However she turned worst. She’d frequently/randomly become abusive and violent. She refused seeing doc.
I’m thinking of divorcing her, but I also know that if I leave her she’d end up in worse situation(her mother is terminally ill and father is also old with no other relative). Ps. I am Indian so no live in before marriage.What I can do?

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Sometimes you have to do what's best for you and leave.

likesmart

I’ll also add, you don’t know that by leaving you’ll end up in a worse situation. Also, worse on paper may be different than worse in reality- this sounds like it’s taking a toll. I would meet with a lawyer and get an expert opinion. Also, find a therapist you can discuss these issues with- just because she won’t go to a doctor doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your own support.

likesmart

If she won’t see a therapist with you, you should go alone to have a safe place to discuss your options and make an exit plan.

Better to do this before going straight to a lawyer so that you have some clarity and security going into the legal conversation

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You are not responsible for the person who is a threat to your safety.

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As an Indian person here, don't feel guilty about her turning worst, etc. I would start by doing therapy together (since she's not agreeing on seeing someone herself), this way she doesn't have an option. See how that goes for a few months at least, then take it from there?

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Having gone through something similar, and being indian, I can say that it is a lifelong journey for people to change. If you are willing to see through this for the long haul then you must really seek therapy for both of you.

If you don't see the intent to be better from your spouse - then it is better to amicably walk away. Divorce is normal and it is not the end of the world. All the best. Stay strong. I hope you get the clarity you are seeking.

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M1, how did you go about finding a good therapist?

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Having lived through this kind of situation for 20 + years, if I had a chance I would divorce and move on. In my situation I stayed for my kid and have paid heavy emotional price.

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Tell her you’re thinking of leaving unless she’s willing to start seeing a doctor to get help. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.

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I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. If she won’t accept medical/psychological treatment, you need to protect yourself first. It might feel difficult or scary, but I think you should remove yourself from this situation as soon as possible.

Have a friend that’s in a similar situation. Get her treated otherwise you might have to leave

OP, is your wife Desi too?

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