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Working Moms

I need an advice: am in last trimester of pregnancy, waking up a lot during night to go to the bathroom but also since I am now quite uncomfortable sleeping due to my huge bump. My husband just told me he wants to start sleeping in another room so I don't accidentally wake him up during nights. I don't see him much during the day, we weren't physically close in a while (since the bump became visible) and I feel so left alone. Am I being selfish. Any thoughts?

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How’s he going to manage when the baby gets here?

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Yup. My thought as well. Seems like an innocent ask now (what harm does it do if he sleeps separately for a while and can be better rested) but it’s early signs of putting himself first which will reeeeally compound when baby comes, he’s working and you’re on mat leave. I speak from experience. Nip this in the bud.

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I'm going through the same thing. I was hurt at first but we talked it out. He really can't sleep when I'm moving, snoring, etc. And I feel lonely when he's not there. I ultimately told hubs to sleep in the other room - now when I wake at 3 am and can't sleep, I can scroll through my phone or watch tv until I can go back to sleep. And he's a lot more cheerful when he wakes. We sleep about half nights together and half separate. One thing that helps is he will often come lay with me when I go to bed, then make his way to the other room once I'm asleep (which happens to be super early now 🤣). Just communicate and know that this too shall pass. Best if luck Mama

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You’re not being selfish. You feel alone and want to be near him. You and he are in this together. I think it’s worth a frank conversation and for him to understand how important it is for you to remain sleeping in the same bed.

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I’m in the last trimester as well and if my husband did that, I don’t think I’d be very happy. Instead of going to a different room, maybe you guys can brainstorm ways to be more comfortable so you can sleep more. My sister (who now has a 12 week old) basically slept sitting up for the last two months because it was the only way she could be comfortable. I find that if I can get asleep, I’m okay, it’s getting comfortable enough to be comfortable. See if there’s things you or your husband can do to make you more comfortable which might make you both sleep a bit better. Plus, this is really just practice foe the upcoming lack of sleep once baby arrives...

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My snoring around week 34-40 was really bad and interfered with my husband’s sleep. Then mine too because he’d wake me up to remind me to reposition. I tried nose strips and sleep pillows etc. never had a thought of changing rooms. I’d be pretty upset if I were you.

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A different piece of advice: start drinking lots of water very early in the day, and try to drink only sips of water starting at 6 pm. That way you'll be up less and both get more sleep :)

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Thank you all! Learning about your experiences and reading your advices has helped me not feel alone in this. Thank you!

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Absolutely no. He is being selfish. What if you need his help at night? What if something happens and you need a doctor? He can sleep on the floor with earplugs on if he needs, but for your and baby safety he has to be within your reach.

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But him the book 'the expectant father' it helped my husband empathize with me during pregnancy

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I just went through this. The last trimester we were not intimate and I took it personally. It’s hard not to when you are living in a mostly physical abs emotional state because your body is growing a baby. We were both used to me living in mostly mental state, cerebral. I brought it up twice. The first time he dismissed my feelings of loneliness. After the baby arrived (four months ago), he began to live in a very physical and emotional state, too. When you’re both sleep deprived and filled with joy from the little life in front of you, how else can you exist? We decided to create new ways to connect. Sometimes I’ll ask to be hugged for a solid five minutes and other times he’ll ask for a kiss and some adult conversation. That has helped us. I also learned of a book called Sex Everyday. It’s written by a couple and it’s not what you think. In a nutshell, they made a list of ways to be intimate and each day they each ask for one thing off the list. Sometimes it is sex and other times it’s a cuddle. They have several children and a little one who sleeps in their bed most nights so they have learned how to find time to be together.

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You’d probably be more comfortable if he slept in the other room too though. I’m pregnant too and my husband sleeps in the guest room 4-5 nights a week. We both sleep better when he does.

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My husband and I sleep in separate rooms (he snores and needs a firmer mattress for his back), we both get much better sleep and are well rested in the mornings and able to care for both our boys. On the weekends we will join each other in the mornings and cuddle before the boys wake up. Do what’s right for you and most importantly be clear on how you feel.

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