{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I need sanity check please. i am 6m pregnant with twins, have a history of miscarriages&specialists urged us to be extremely careful since covid19 can lead to stillbirth. My SO is staying with his parents this week to help with renovation. We agreed they'd follow social distancing rules while SO is living there, but he just told me his parents are spending hours with their friends in closed spaces wearing no masks!Now he has to stay 5 days longer and test prior to coming home. Right to be angry?", "post_id": "5fb839a4753a570024477d5c", "reply_count": 48, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "5e6fe1c31f5e51001d267e46", "bowl_name": "Coronavirus Work-life" }

I need sanity check please. i am 6m pregnant with twins, have a history of miscarriages&specialists urged us to be extremely careful since covid19 can lead to stillbirth. My SO is staying with his parents this week to help with renovation. We agreed they'd follow social distancing rules while SO is living there, but he just told me his parents are spending hours with their friends in closed spaces wearing no masks!Now he has to stay 5 days longer and test prior to coming home. Right to be angry?

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It’s funny how people go to the easy answers and decide it’s their age or your emotions or whatever. Reality is they are selfish and as someone said, reckless. Lock it down. Your husband is not to blame but he did bring this on and hopefully is just as disgusted. And he needs to distance. (Not so sure he could not have anticipated it because we all know people we can’t trust as much as we love them.) Not to give him a hard time but just to face the reality of being human so this doesn’t happen again. It’s not about how much your husband cares about you, but about how much he controls exposure. Live and learn. Don’t brush it off, deal with reality, protect yourself and your babies and enlist him as your partner in that. Also use this when you say no family at the birth. And yes, getting angry will help because you can agree to never let this happen again. Brush it under the rug and this will happen again. Go mama bear!

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The incidence of stillbirth from Covid is exceedingly rare. We just had a baby last month and this was never mentioned once by wife’s docs. I only know bc we researched it. How many appointments are you going to? Most women are told they need far more prenatal visits than necessary, and you’re putting yourself at greater risk showing up where the sick people are versus your husbands visit.

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Your husband and his parents agreed to something and went back on their word. I think you have a right to be angry regardless of the subject, but especially so since it concerns the health of your unborn children. If they weren't gonna keep their promise, why make it to begin with? Edit: I see it was just the parents and not your husband specifically

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Be mad at the parents, not ur husband

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Not right to be angry at him, he could not have anticipated it. And don’t put him in a bad spot with his parents. This one, you let go.

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Sorry, I wouldn’t want my man to put me at risk when I have a high risk pregnancy. He could have tried harder to convince them to stay. Or he could hand cut his trip short and left when he realized they were doing this. Or he could have given his wife a heads up and they both could have decided what to do.

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Angry at what? Sounds like your husband should just stay there for 3 months.

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^ lol wow the bar is so low AtLeAsT hE’s HoNeSt

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Yes. You have a reason to be angry for sure.

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I’d be furious, too. I’d give myself a few hours to be RILL MAD and get it out of my system, then focus on being mellow and easy for the bbs Hang in there, you’re doing the right thing being cautious and it sounds like your husband has your back

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I'd be mad he went there in the first place. They've invented these things called contractors. They renovate people's houses for money. Your husband should have put your and your baby's safety above their home improvement project. Then he wouldn't be in this situation.

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Absolutely insane. The health of their daughter in law and grandchildren should be paramount to spending a few hours with their friends over a week long period. I would be livid.

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If this was my in-laws I’d be having my husband make clear to them that they won’t be meeting their grandkids any time soon, with such blatant disregard for the babies, and your, health. And I’d have him quarantine for two weeks to be extra safe.

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I’d be breaking dishes and changing locks. In-laws suck. Hang in there, sorry you’re going through a tough time but this too shall pass. Best of luck

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Yea you can be angry, but it won’t change a thing. I know it’s not what you want to hear but it is the truth.

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P1 had an opinion and expressed it.

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Yeah I think pretty much anything up to wrath of god angry is justified here. Heck I’m angry just sitting here on my couch thinking about it. At least your husband seems to get that his parents fucked up. Hope he lets me have it.

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A lot of older folks just don’t get it. It’s super frustrating. Your Husband obviously cares about you or he would have just hidden it. You guys just gotta do the best you can and live and learn from the experience. In the future (as long as Covid is still a thing) requests for help by his parents may need to be delayed. As for him coming home - you guys will need to keep your distance for awhile even if he tests negative. Lots of false negatives and if he’s in close quarters with his parents, then he may as well have been in close quarters with their friends too. Best wishes!!!

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Agree, if possible hubs should do a quar at home and mask up for 2 wks after returning Start the quar day count from the last day of his exposure to parents, not from the date of the test

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You have a right to be upset, not just about the potential COVID exposure, but also the lack of boundaries your SO was able to draw with his parents. After the babies you would want your SOs to quarantine before they get to visit you as well. So maybe this is a discussion that your husband needs to have with his parents at some point

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Let me say I’m the first to usually throw some water on the COVID fear fire. But I’m 100% with you on this one. Inconsiderate af

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I am older (64) and feel your in-laws are reckless. They should know better. Focus on you and your babies well being right now. You may want to factor in their lack of awareness or concern for you and your children’s well-being in the future as they seek to engage with you and their grandchildren. People rarely change without significant motivation.

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Thank you all!! Your support has helped me stay strong just when I was starting to doubt myself.

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Super disrespectful of his parents. Try to focus on not allowing anger to cause you stress if you can. But yeah, you’re well within the bounds of reasonable - their behaviour, especially given he’s there to help them when you need him too, is not ok. I think he should have a word with them about trust and respect - they should understand there are consequences for the relationship with them when they erode those.

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Yes, you have a right to be upset, but being angry and upset won’t help with the pregnancy either. What’s done is done, let it go, let it go....enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, it gets much harder once the babies arrive.

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Angry at them yes, angry at him also yes. He is not a child, he has critical thinking skills, and should simply not be there when you are in a vulnerable position. This is reckless and I'm sending support your way 💖

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