{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I need some advice, Wife forced me to buy her a $68,000 car with 1000/monthly payment for 6 years. We need to sell now due to potential move out of country. Best offer from dealers is 52k. Meaning I have to cough up the difference or keep paying 1k a month for something we don’t need. How can I reduce this liability??", "post_id": "627fd14cd6c43300269804a0", "reply_count": 143, "vote_count": 18, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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I need some advice, Wife forced me to buy her a $68,000 car with 1000/monthly payment for 6 years. We need to sell now due to potential move out of country. Best offer from dealers is 52k. Meaning I have to cough up the difference or keep paying 1k a month for something we don’t need. How can I reduce this liability??

funnylikeuplifting
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This brings up a good point about the modern masculine. We know some women wear the pants, but there is a need for strength, reason and accountability from both sides. So should OP have said “ok if you want that car, you have to assume the financials for it.”? Is there still the expectation that the man is the provider, in the age of splitting the check on a date, etc? I know I have encountered the princess types that just expect everything, so how do we strong men handle that? Sounds like OP was under duress, which I relate to. There is this shame move (not sure if it is intentional) where the partner implies that the guy buy this thing else he is not adequate. (It’s all subconscious signaling..) I think a lot of men suffer from not knowing how to set boundaries and stick to the budget.
What’s the proper way to say no to the SO in a situation like this?

likefunny

OP explained that he bought the car out of guilt after neglecting his relationship due to the lengthy consulting hours. He has delegated his parenting responsibilities to his wife, relocated his family multiple times for his career and his wife hasn't grumbled despite having to take care of the children and make new friends with each move.

This isn't about a car. OP needs a career coach to help establish wlb, and marriage counseling as his wife is likely quietly frustrated.

likesmart

I had a similar situation year ago. But I bought the car for myself. The first option is to sell it to a dealer and pay the “upside-down” (which is the difference between your debt and the car value). The second option is to try to take the car with you (I Don’t know where you are relocating) assuming you will still be in the US. The third option is to find a friend, family member, or anyone that you can “lease” or sell the account (that will be the best and cheapest). The fifth option is to continue paying the car until the value and the debt breakeven, and then sell it to a dealer. The last option gives it back to the bank and ruins your credit score. Hope it helps. Good luck.

Feel free to DM if you have more questions. I’m happy to help.

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She "forced" you? Can you explain? There are some things I've got on a personal wish list and would like guidance on how to strong arm my partner.

likefunnysmartuplifting

Happy life until your financial situation cripples your relationship and leads to divorce

First step is to grow a pair

likefunnysmarthelpful

OP’s definition of love reminds me of George Carlin’s bit about gods love. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=iouZYYzQEjU

Why did you have to mention that *she* forced you lol. I dont think its an important point to mention..
Hope you find an answer

like

That’s unique to Tesla, Mercedes unfortunately hasn’t seen appreciation like that but the depression is less

Blame the spouse, classy

likeupliftingsmart

Can take it off your hands. Do you accept Luna?

funnylike

Find a private offer for more than 52k?

likesmartuplifting

This… will always get more private, but could take a bit as this is a large amount for a private sale.

like

A vehicle is a depreciating asset. This is nothing new and should have been expected. You can get more from private seller but you'll still lose money. To make it more palatable to you, consider your pay per use.

Also, like KPMG said, grow a pair. Neither you nor your wife should be forcing eachother to do anything. Nor should you be passively aggressively complaining to strangers about it without speaking directly to eachother.

like

Try carmax they will give you a much better deal than any dealership. I just got around selling my car and the carmax offer was 4k from my initial buy price after 2 years of owning the car and 3.5k better than the closest dealership offer

likehelpful

See what offer carmax gives you my online offer was like 31k and after appraisal it went up to 33.5 unlike dealerships where it normally goes the other way. Also they were quick and efficient

OP, no advice on the car, but general suggestion on how you talk about your SO. Contempt is one of the four horseman that predict the end of a relationship, according to biological researcher, John Gottman, PhD. It’s actually the worst of the 4 and the #1 predictor of divorce.

If the relationship matters to you, take the responses above as a warning sign to you that you need to stop this behavior immediately. Treating someone disrespectfully, talking about them disrespectfully to others and with condescension, these things don’t end with a healthy relationship, they end the relationship.

https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-contempt/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/self-care-contempt/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/what-causes-contempt-in-relationships/

https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-change-your-own-contempt/

likehelpful

D2 great advice, thanks for the links

like

Carvana and Carmax have been giving really good offers, we bought a Toyota Sienna in 2021 and their offers are $5k over the cost of the car…not actually interested in selling right now but was curious! Also if you do the estimate for Kelly Blue book online it hooks you up with dealers who will offer you the price of the online estimate

likehelpful

+1; I have had similar experiences with CM & CV. You will have to cough up the difference to get out of the loan/lease.

Unless the market has changed, Carmax will likely make you a better offer than your regular dealer and the process only takes 30 minutes.

likesmart

OP you can get an offer online that’s the same as it’ll be in person. Try caravana too, I’ve heard they give more money than Carmax for newer cars. But that was last year and Carvana might go bankrupt so idk if they still do

Update- Since this conversation. I have got offers between 55k to 61k. Waiting to get 64k and I will cut my losses. Thanks for the suggestions. I take full accountability. Love you all!!

likeuplifting

Love this for you.

like

Have someone steal it for you

likeupliftingsmart

Should either sack up and not let your SO control you or sack up and stop blaming your SO for your own decisions.

likeuplifting

Find another wife. Write off your current wife as loss.

likefunny

I love my wife 😂

What kind of car is it (make model and year) and what state are you in? Maybe one of us can help you out… lots of places short on cars right now

likehelpful

D6- thanks! Carvana needs more info since it’s 2022

like

First thing first divorce your wife. That behavior going to run you into poverty and depression. Take back over you life. #GetOut

likefunny

IBM1, you better not be a white dude appropriating #GetOut

funnylike

Could find someone to take over the lease/finance agreement and subsidize some of the monthly payment (ie you pay $100/month of the $1000). Have seen this work successfully for friends but YMMV.

like

In Canada we have a service called Lease Busters that does this. Something similar likely exists in the states?

Tbh apart from unlike times car prices tend to depreciate over time so it’s important to evaluate what year is your car and how much does it worth elsewhere. 52k isnt too bad

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