{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I never thought being a mom would be this difficult. I am working full time, have an infant who wakes up every 3-4h and doesn't fall back asleep unless held in arms, am breastfeeding for medical reasons, and feel resentful and beyond tired all the time. I hate the fact that my body is so different to how it was before, that I don't have a sense of self any more, that I can't disconnect and take a break (and this is likely to not change for years to come). Is this normal or unfit to be a mom?", "post_id": "61af68aa2a6241003362be48", "reply_count": 73, "vote_count": 48, "bowl_id": "5a0c9a1f61b01a001937c406", "bowl_name": "Working Moms" }

I never thought being a mom would be this difficult. I am working full time, have an infant who wakes up every 3-4h and doesn't fall back asleep unless held in arms, am breastfeeding for medical reasons, and feel resentful and beyond tired all the time. I hate the fact that my body is so different to how it was before, that I don't have a sense of self any more, that I can't disconnect and take a break (and this is likely to not change for years to come). Is this normal or unfit to be a mom?

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It’s common, but it doesn’t have to be your new normal. Babies are hard! Breastfeeding is hard! I’ve EBF both my kids and have paid for sleep consultant help both times. Life gets way more manageable when baby can fall asleep independently and give you at least 1 longer stretch of sleep during the night. Find a weekend babysitter (or your significant other, if applicable) to give you a break. Feed the baby and RUN. Leave a pumped bottle behind and get out of the house to do something for yourself. Even if that is sitting in your car drinking coffee in the peace and quiet. Buy a few new pieces that fit your current body and make you feel good about yourself. Go get your hair blown out. Get a pedicure. You HAVE to make time for yourself (even when you’re exhausted and overwhelmed and there’s a million loads of laundry to do). We ALL struggle with this. You’re not alone and you’re doing great.

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This is absolutely normal. And first, I want to acknowledge you for being so vulnerable and putting yourself out there. Here's what I know from being a full-time working mom with a 4 year old and 18 month old: The biggest shift is going to be in your EXPECTATIONS of yourself and what you can and can't do. If it's hard for you to ask for help, to give yourself grace, and if you expect yourself to be able to do all the things you did before having your baby, then you will continue to feel stressed out, unfit, hopeless and likely a little depressed (I've been there, I totally get this). IMO the most important thing for you to do is take a beat and think about what you want your priorities to be (there is NO right or wrong here). If you want to devote more time to work, then hire more help (like a night nurse to hold your baby - I get that sleep cannot be controlled). If you want to spend more time with your baby, then you need to have a difficult conversation about work boundaries, expectations and your current path. We CAN have it all - I just believe not all at the same time. There are seasons to everything. And whatever you decide is FINE. You can always course-correct if it's not working. But your happiness and well being are THE most important thing because without those, you can't show up for ANYTHING in your life (kiddo, partner, work, yourself... nothing). It sound so hokey but be kind to yourself and don't feel like you need to have it all figured out right now.

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This is what they don’t tell you! Or maybe some try, but we have no point of reference. Please take care of you. We have all been there, I started enjoying motherhood when my child turned 3 and could communicate more effectively. Your body will go back to a much better shape, and you will start getting more rest. Don’t try and do everything based on best practice! Do what you can, when you can. The house doesn’t need to be spotless, and it’s ok if you don’t give 150% like before. It wasn’t until I became a mum that I understood how much of a man’s world we live in. And please don’t plan on having any more children, until you are back to feeling close to your normal self, and have an extremely supportive partner. It is not easier with one more!

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Yup motherhood with a full time job and no family support sucks sometimes. I do now take joy in little things like styling my girls hair or making art with her or going on ice cream dates with her... I have however given up on socializing like I used to, cooking or baking at home or living in a clean picture perfect house. I'm thinking about hiring housekeeping help once or twice a month to free up some "me" time though.

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100% normal. It’s hard. Freaking hard. You are doing great. I don’t want to say it gets easier but it’s a different difficult as they get older. Hang in there!

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I would say 10000% it does get easier but then it does get harder again when they’re older and they have teen problems. My youngest is 7 and I finally feel like myself again. He doesn’t require constant supervision and I can tell him to get his own snack. I have time to exercise and for self care. WFH has helped a lot too. It takes time though so you just have to grind through those difficult early years.

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Normal. You're doing great.

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Normal. It’s hard and you’re doing great. ❤️ I will say, becoming a mom has given me so much more appreciation for my mom. She had 3 under 3 and no help and I can’t imagine how difficult it must have been.

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Please consider sleep training if your child is over 4 months old! My pediatrician said 4-6 months was the best age. I just did it with my 6 month old and it was life changing to get a long chunk of sleep at once. If you decided against it, I understand, but just hope you will consider. You are doing great regardless.

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1000%. Moms on Call saved my sanity when my daughter was a baby. She is 7 now and still an excellent sleeper. I cannot recommend them enough.

Totally normal! That baby stage is HARD! Once your baby starts sleeping though the night it gets better. It won’t be like this for years- this is just a season in your life right now and it will for sure change, and you will also adapt, making it feel more manageable. See if your husband can take care of the baby on the weekend in between feedings so you can rest and recharge. Self-care is important - you can’t pour from an empty cup!

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Thank you all. Your responses are helping me gather strength and move forward knowing that what I am going through is normal and will that it will get better. I will look for help to check for PDD but will also do my best to get a weekly break for myself, even if only an hour to go for a walk

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I found it really helpful to build relationships amongst a variety of mums… diversity in thought and lifestyle can be helpful. SAHM, and Working mums have their own unique views, and helps you not get locked in to a one dimensional mental model with parenting.

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Normal! I’m on my second baby in the infant stage and I thought I’d feel different, but I don’t. I do know that it gets so much easier though! Hang in there!

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Agree but for me the newborn stage is the toughest.

That is me everyday. I don’t know how others pull this. I never found a better way to handle myself, family and work other than sticking out. One good side is, and I assure you, that you won’t die from this.

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Normal and it’s so hard! Things changed for me when baby finally slept through the night

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Took leave of absence two months after returning from mat leave. Exclusively breastfeeding, not sleeping at all, working from home while my husband was on paternity leave (so- small apt, taking nursing breaks, hearing baby all day), work giving me no break from a “normal schedule” of ~8am-10pm. I almost went insane. Actually. I woke up feeling my heart racing every morning. Found a new job that’s more 9-5 two months later. It’s a dream. I felt refreshed and like I could handle life again. Son is 11 months old now. Still breastfeeding, but added formula, and food, of course. Life is so much better. You’ll find what works, it will get better. We all empathize. ❤️❤️

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Hang in there. I remember this phase. It seems like an eternity but it will pass. Coffee helps!

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You could be going through PPD. What you’re saying is totally normal but if you’re resentful and not just tired you might be experiencing PPD. Nothing wrong with seeking help.

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It is 100% normal. It does get easier but right now you have to think about what you need right now at this very moment and ask for help. Whether it’s 30 minutes alone, an online therapy session once a week, a green smoothie, a shower, an uninterrupted hour with your partner, lunch with a friend, a day off work (these are all the things I needed personally - yours may be different), these gentle acts of self-love will get you through it. If you don’t reclaim and preserve a bit of focus on yourself, it gets even harder to do later on. 18 months is definitely a turning point, both physically and mentally. You can do this!

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Girl it goes fast. And the people who say sh*t like “enjoy these moments while they last” can F off. Older kids have bigger mouths and get in bigger trouble but they can also wipe their own a**ses, sleep all night and know how a zipper works. It too me a solid YEAR to get used to being a mom. And maybe a little longer to feel that special bond. But it comes, and it’s glorious when it does. You just gotta get through the baby stage.

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You're doing great and what you feel is completely normal. Enlist your partner in giving you some time for yourself. Even 20 minutes. And don't be shy about communicating your needs. You are important too.

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Like everyone has said, totally normal. Take care of yourself / cut yourself a break. Obviously that’s easier said than done but really try to. And if you are feeling this way for an extended period of time, I highly recommend staying away from my path of 3 kids in 3 years 😅

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I don't have any kids yet! But looking at this makes me wonder if I should..... 🤔

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