I notice a large amount of single black women in their late 30s and early 40s still looking, never married and it’s freaking me out. I’m almost 30 and it feels like another 10 years will pass and I’ll still be here. I don’t want to pitty them but I’m already feeling bad for myself. Before Covid, going out to bars I’d notice a large number of single black women of any age seemingly all waiting to get chosen and it’s like some of us are just doomed to this fate whether we want it or not.

Guys turn the corner between 33-37. If they pass 37, I’ve found that they are lifetime bachelors and unable to commit. Before 33, most are still growing and playing games.

Be careful what you wish for. Be clear on what you want a good husband, strong father, the financial provider or are you ok sharing responsibilities? Don’t mold yourself to whatever is available. Make sure you get your needs met.

Dont rush. It'll happen. I got married at 40 and conceived naturally at 40 and 42. I also froze my eggs at 38. I am 47 now. Most of my girlfriends are in relationships or happily single. Looking back, i wish I had spent less time and energy focusing on this. Only because it is a drag. When i said f-it and decided to do me, it happened. I was in another career and left to go to school for something different. While in school I resolved to get a life and put the eggs on ice and planned a move to Paris. I also just started to date without a care (because I was about to dip). One stepped up and wanted to date exclusively. So we dated, but I still went to France that summer to do a language intensive and wouldn't you know he flew to France to propose to me? It literally was no work or worry on my part. My point is to enjoy yourself, live your life and dont wait on these dudes to validate you.

I’m 31 and I will say at the moment I have more options than I did at 25. I thought it would be less. It seems like more men are interested in me now than when I was younger. So maybe that’s a bit of hope...

I turned 29 this year and had the same feeling but found Covid love on social media and it’s going pretty well. I say this to say there’s hope, but there’s no formula. I know of great black women in their 30s and 40s still single and girl Idk what to say? Sometimes it happens sometimes it doesn’t but don’t lose hope.

First, don’t look at it others’ circumstances to define your present circumstances or future. Second, pray and live a full a life and the right one will come along. The caveat is to be honest about what you really need in a partner. My husband does not look the way I expected and nor was his resume and income ideal when we met. And, honestly, I was still working on myself. I was 32 when we met. I did what I said above because I refused to waste myself on another guy who didn’t appreciate me. I started focusing on myself. I learned that the right man would compliment me and not complete me. I’m 44, 9 happy years of marriage and 2 kids in. It has not been perfect but he’s the one for me and we continue to build life together. I’m in a biracial marriage. I did not see that coming. I’ll say this again on Fishbowl ... this time in your life is precious. When you have a husband and/or kids, your autonomy shrinks considerably. Also, I’m learning (if you’re a praying person) that when I pray for what I want and leave the specifics to God. He is the most creative being. And, every time, my prayer is answered in a way that is unexpected and much better and more for me. Be blessed. Enjoy your life.

I’m 32 and married, my husband is 34. We met when I was 25. I was intentional when I dated and knew I wanted a husband with ambitions similar to mine, kids, and all that came with it.

That said, some advice I see targeted at single Black women is super cringeworthy so my only piece of advice is to follow what you want, not what society or any guru tells you what you should want. Speak that into existence and forget the silly games. I told my now husband on our 2nd date what I wanted for my future - no beating around the bush or withholding details and hoping he caught on. I made it clear games weren’t my thing and he was either with it or not. He proposed after 2 years and we now have a daughter turning 1 next month.

The kicker is I see so many Black women finding love successfully. In my own social circle, more than half of my friends are married or in serious relationships heading in that direction. That’s not to say it’s easy, but you don’t need to believe the lie that Black women aren’t finding love.

I really dislike how society perpetuates that BW need to date within the race to keep the blacklove, race and culture in tact! Meanwhile, BM are allowed to galavant with whomever they deem fit and no questions are asked! Girl, PLEASE do not let this pressure force you into limiting yourself! Find the right person who understands you and you’re aligned with; be it within or outside your race! Live your life and stop focusing on the race issue!

I’m not any hope, but I’ve been having the same feelings as you (same situation) and it’s really disheartening.

Um... 🤷🏽‍♀️? Definitely in the same boat. You just essentially have to choose the life that you want to live - whether a man (or woman) is in it or not. I want to be a mom, so I’m going to try to have a kid next year. I’m 38, and I don’t have time to wait for the right man that may or may not materialize. This is the life that I am choosing to live at this point in time.
You just have to continue to live your life, whatever that may look like, in the meantime - whether s/he shows up. Or doesn’t. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Marriage is on the decline in America for everyone race and the average age people get married in America for every race is skewing older. With that being said black love absolutely exists. The majority of black men who are married are married to black women. HEALTHY black marriages exist!

If you’re on IG I recommend following accounts that focus on black love like millennialmarried , blacklove, luvblacklove etc... I think it helps for you to SEE it. I believe you can manifest things and you’re worthy of love at any age.

Be open to finding love. Truly open. If you have a 30+ requirement list, you’re most likely not going to find him. I’m not saying by any means settle, but I’m saying you’re requirements should be the important things (is he kind, are YOU attracted him, is he a man of his word, is he financially literate NOT he needs to be a 6’8 former basketball player but went back to school to get his MBA and now makes 8 figures and owns his own private jet...) He also may not be black.

I got married at 29. My husband proposed after 1 year of dating. We were engaged for 1 year. We’ve been married for 3 years now with a baby on the way. In 2019 4 of my black female friends got engaged. This year I know at least 5 black women who are pregnant. Love will find you ❤️ keep the faith! I’m sure COVID makes it harder to meet new people/date but this isn’t going to last forever.

Date out. Seriously. BM are NOT the end all be all.

I would tell any BW to date outside your race if you want to find love and not just date black man, because your going to be waiting even longer. I’m 34 and have found so much success and better quality man dating outside my race and not limiting myself to one thing. Yes black love is nice, but so is black with white, Asian etc.. sometimes it not who you love, but who loves you. Plus, you always want a man to love you more than you love him.

There are 1.8 million more black women than there are men right now in the U.S. so expanding the pool beyond our own helps a lot. Trust me, I know 😉

I'm definitely in this boat. I'm mid-30's and I've just gotten real with myself and accepted that I will be single. But I don't feel like I've been doomed. It's actually felt very freeing to delete the dating apps and to go out without having trying to find a man as a priority (of course limited going out with Covid). I've just learned to really value the relationships that I do have in my life with my family and friends and I love getting to be the fun Aunt and Godmom.

It really can be tough out here for Black women that want to keep looking for a relationship, less than half of my friends are married /in serious relationships. All of the ones that are married are with non-black men. The difference for them has been being really intentional about dating and being very clear on what they want in a partner. So definitely keep your options open with race, be clear with yourself about what you absolutely need from a partner, go on a lot of dates, and date multiple people until you decide to be exclusive.

Have you had conversations with any of these women to understand the pattern that’s generating this single hood?

I have observed that we as black women (civil rights generation and onwards) don’t do a good job of giving the next generation of women game to successfully navigate dating with the goal of marriage. May be lack of knowledge/wisdom or simply hating on the younger women. That said, we live in the times of the internet of knowledge. I would suggest following Jason Black and listening to his broadcast, the Business. Very knowledgeable older black man, focuses on black prosperity and relationships, and drops gems

If you don’t want kids, live your best life doing the things you love and the right partner will eventually be drawn to you but be open to opportunities whenever/wherever they present themselves. Be intentional about what you want while doing what you want. It may take 5 years but so what. The time clock kills us but if kids with a husband isn’t the goal, it’s irrelevant. I got married in my late 30s but we met when marriage wasn’t even in the top 10 of things I wanted to do. People aren’t generally looking for spouses in bars so if that’s the only place you are looking, yes be prepared to wait for that anomaly. Get out and truly live your life, s/he may be on that solo trip you take or hell even the grocery store. Don’t wait to get chose, you choose by being intentional in all aspects of your life.

I’ve never been so happy to see the comments on such a topic! I rarely see this many Black women promoting dating out, and I’ve been in a fair amount of Clubhouse rooms that have all sorts of commentary to back us into a dating corner just to marry Black. Be positive in your thoughts, (though superbly hard right now) and date and marry who you can see as your lifelong partner in everything.

I always tell my friends to only seriously date and consider marrying men who they can see their sons being like one day. That usually clears things up real quick! 😆

I’m 33, and have dated the rainbow in my 20s. At 31, I happily married a man who truly brings out the best in me, and who also happens to be white.

I’m going to post this again: DATE OUT. DATE OUT. DATE OUT.

Embrace it! Don’t think of it as a life of doom. Think of it as a life of freedom until your SO shows up.
I’m in a relationship now and it is WORK!
Don’t get me wrong, I love my baby! I love him to death. But sometimes I wonder, “who does this to themselves on purpose? LOL!
Enjoy your freedom while you have it. Soak it in because one day you may be asking yourself why you didn’t enjoy it while you had it.
It’s just a mindset switch, really. Being 40 & single isn’t doom. We can plan our lives and hold on to those plans with a death grip. However, I guarantee you that if you just relax and stop trying to control it or get what is not meant for you yet, your life will be so much better.
Good luck! May your annoying man who will do everything to grate your nerves, be right around the corner, lol!!

I don’t know what I’m looking for, maybe some hope