I play a decent amount of videogames and the quarantine certainly hasn’t helped that situation. I’m beginning to feel a lot of resentment from my wife, and am not sure how to handle. She treats my videogames as a waste of time while she watches endless hours of tv, so it’s frustrating. Any advice on how to handle?

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Video games activate your brain a lot more than TV. One big difference though may be that she may feel that you can both watch TV together, while video games is just you playing. I really don't know what advice to give you other than talk to her and bring up the TV thing.

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I don't think arguments are a bad thing. I prefer everyone put everything out there while still being respectful and then we can talk about, try to understand each other, etc. That's in my opinion better than just holding resentment from either side because you don't want to do the tough thing and get in an argument. I agree that you don't want to frame things in an accusatory manner, but that doesn't mean simply withholding your side.

Highly suggest examining if there’s an unequal distribution of housework or if she’s feeling neglected driving this.

Does she clean or do other stuff during TV time? Does she watch with your or is open to doing so, so it feels to her more like a relationship activity vs gaming?

She may just hate video games in and of themselves. But first examine it from a more neutral lens that wife is mad about leisure time you’re taking by yourself and see if there might be a reason for that.

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I get your wife - I’m the same way. But I don’t necessarily consider that cleaning + watching time to be equal to fully focused on leisure time. To an extent she’s making a choice to combine those things and not seek help. But it probably feels to her that you’re just sitting on your butt while she does everything.

If she’s like me she won’t welcome any suggestions to approach things differently (just being honest). You can still address it because it’s not really optimizing how you are as a couple, just not sure how much conflict you want to have over it.

You could try to carve off some tasks to do independently and build competence at them. You could try to keep your independent activities (gaming, work) to when she’s doing her thing and suggest doing something together when she’s done. Or let her be alone to fully put her feet up, if she’s more the kind of person who wants to alone a lot.

Either budget time together or block of free time for yourselves? Having a conversation about what each other is needing would be helpful; trying not to be defensive or assign blame.

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Are you my husband...?

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Lmao no I’m not - My wife doesn’t work for Deloitte

One thing I've learned is that video gaming can be a social outlet. The majority of my gaming in the last 5 years or so has been online multi-player with friends. Assuming your situation is similar, she may be feeling lonely or a little jealous of your ability to socialize during lock down. I don't have a great solution, but that realization helped me adjust my priorities and spend more time with her without feeling like she was 'at fault' so to speak.

We had the same wife! But then we realized that some of her hobbies are purely her own (journaling, scrap booking, drawing and watercolors). Those are not group activities. So when she is doing her thing, I’m helping Geralt of Rivia earn some coin. When we are both done, we do our together things like watching a show together.

Sometimes I’d rather play a game than watch a show but I get enough time for both since she has her own solo hobby. Does your wife have a solo hobby? If not, maybe she did in the past and you could use this as an opportunity for her to get back into it.

Quarantine is a catalyst here. She’s probably frustrated that you aren’t spending more quality time together. My wife had/has similar feelings. We do an 8 pm screen cutoff and try to be tech-free on Sundays and it helps a lot.

FWIW quarantine has made video games feel pretty redundant. Maybe try going cold turkey for a few weeks and reevaluate their role in your life. To each their own.

Think about the amount of time you’ve spent getting good at video games and imagine if you’d spent it getting good at something else. fitness, dancing, comedy, writing, tech, music...

What’s your K:D?

I thought games were lame and never played but then I started playing with my husband and really enjoy it! I'm terrible, but it's a way for us to laugh and spend time together, he gets to teach me things which he loves, and it's more interactive than "spending time together" watching TV. It took some convincing bit once we started playing I kept looking for more games! Don't Starve together was probably one of our first, I got to tend to our house and focus on not dying while he went and killed things.

Yes for sure! I loved portal 2, trine, ark (need tons of space though) and borderlands 2. Also liked easier shoot anything games that made me feel like I had some skill like diablo. As a beginner, I definitely like games where I can take my time and learn at my own pace/start with easier challenges vs those games where I'm just getting shot at and die every 3 seconds.

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