{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I recently got married and started talking to my sister in law more often. She addresses me as “Bro” EVERY SINGLE TIME. She knows I identify as female. I absolutely hate because it’s a sign of deeply ingrained patriarchy and I also find it disrespectful. I never address anyone as bro, dude, man etc because I honestly find it very disrespectful. I would rather be addressed by my name. How can I handle this situation? We are still forming a reltnship & don’t want to hurt that process. I’m Indian.", "post_id": "60e7f3fc80d1240024b999ef", "reply_count": 110, "vote_count": 32, "bowl_id": "59e88be7e2808e00149b0443", "bowl_name": "Women In Consulting" }

I recently got married and started talking to my sister in law more often. She addresses me as “Bro” EVERY SINGLE TIME. She knows I identify as female. I absolutely hate because it’s a sign of deeply ingrained patriarchy and I also find it disrespectful. I never address anyone as bro, dude, man etc because I honestly find it very disrespectful. I would rather be addressed by my name. How can I handle this situation? We are still forming a reltnship & don’t want to hurt that process. I’m Indian.

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I have a pretty visceral reaction to getting called bro or dude as well. Couldn’t tell you why, but I think it feels a bit like being stripped of who I am. Sometimes I’ve dealt with it directly, sometimes passive aggressively. I’ve found humor helps. I really like an over the top response like “yo, yo, boi… what’s up? How they hanging?” It helps point out the incongruence between who you are and how you’re being referred to. Normally, the other person has a “what?!” or “LOL” kind of response. From there you can get the convo rolling. Like, “sorry, I thought we were being dope with our nicknames for each other and I went with it. Does this mean you wouldn’t find truck nutz funny as a Christmas stocking stuffer?” It tends to cause the other person not to go down that path because they tend to be in for a penny, not in for a pound. You take it too far and it tends to disappear. Meanwhile, you look like you’re really here for it, in a totally unsustainable way.

funnylikeuplifting

My understanding is that “boi” has usage in the LGBT community, but you are right about the intersectionality there. So many LGBT slang terms originate from queens of color but I belong to neither of those groups, so I just kept it broad and included the slash.

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You don’t have to accept how others refer to you as or treat you, it doesn’t matter if the term is common, the fact that you find it disrespectful is valid enough to call them out. Let me make this clear, your feelings are valid. You have every right to set boundaries with how you want people to treat you. Do not be afraid to openly communicate, rather than hold it in then resent. For example: “Please do not refer to me as bro, please use my name”. Repeat it again if needed “As I mentioned before, i don’t like it when you refer to me as bro. I prefer to be addressed to as my name”. Then if it gets to that point “I find it disrespectful that you refuse to call me by my name”. Someone with maturity, emotional intelligence, and social awareness will get the point.

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LMAO girl bye. Idk how old you are, but bro/dude are very gender neutral

likesmart

I used to think that calling everyone ‘guys’ and ‘dude’ was cool since we were one of them males. Not anymore. Male gender should not be the norm for us all, same with skin color or sexual preferences. I am consciously correcting myself before speaking or writing. What was the norm in the past is not necessarily the right way for today nor for back then.

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I call my women friends 'dude' all the time. You're entitled to your preferences here, but feels like you're really overreacting in terms of feeling disrespected. If you think about from her perspective, she's calling you a term of endearment to represent the closeness of your relationship. In other words, doing something nice. You can choose to make a big deal out of it, or accept as a quirk of communication. But I wouldn't go around feeling slighted because of it.

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Agree with SM 100%! Be ready for that camaraderie to stop if you call her out.

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lighten up bro

likefunnysmart

This is petty AF! Find something better to complain about.

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This is a LOOOOOT. She’s not calling you Bro because you’re a bro or she thinks of you as a bro, brother or whatever—it’s just a way to start a conversation. Kinda like when some people start stories with “b******tch” (like, you are not gonna believe this) or reply with an exasperated “bruh” to convey discontent or disappointment. It’s exaggeration, for emphasis. It’s colloquial language. Now, if you don’t like it, you don’t like it. Just tell her. But, for all of you aligning the use of bro/bruh/dude with the patriarchy and gender misrepresentation, blah blah blah. Again, too far. That’s not what this is. It’s clear that some of you are cool with slang in all its forms, and others of you would like to be members of the casual language police.

likesmart

Yep, casual language police.

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Damn, I call my husband dude all the time. Maybe you’re from the east coast. Y’all tend to be uptight like that.

likefunny

From the east coast and I call everyone bro and dude.... sometimes even my parents by accident

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Consider yourself lucky that you have a sil that sounds like she wants to build a relationship with you. Please don’t be petty and don’t bring this up with her… she’s much younger and things will get awkward forever because you couldn’t get over your pettiness. I also wonder if u just generally find her annoying… because if it wasn’t this I get the feeling it would be something else. Ps: I’m Indian background. Have actually terrible in laws, and would kill to have your problem rather than the big stuff I have had to deal with.

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I’m not your bro, dude

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I am not your amigo, gringo

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Mmhh. I’d be petty AF and call her dude.

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My son affectionately calls his girlfriend dude. So while I hope OP doesn’t feel disrespected, I understand the quandary. You could mention that you look forward to building a friendship and close friends call you X.

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Calling you bro is no way disrespectful as someone here pointed out, she is only trying to get closer. Now if you don’t like it have guts to tell her politely over a glass of vine or lemonade how you think about patriarchy and how it has invaded our everyday lingo. But I wouldn’t sweat about someone trying to get close to me, it’s cute actually and I am Indian too married for 10 years.

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How old is she? My teenager kids call me bro (or more commonly “bruh”). I think it’s silly, but it’s how they talk with each other. I definitely do NOT think it’s a sign of the patriarchy - it’s just Gen Z nonsense.

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This is not at all cultural. I’m Indian and use of colloquialisms like this this has nothing to do with any deeply ingrained patriarchy lol. But you’re entitled to your feelings and should just tell her you don’t like that.

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Guarantee she doesn’t mean harm. I’ve spend my life fighting the good cause of gender equality and honestly this one would not be one I would go after…for some people this is just a humorous expression towards someone you feel close to. Plus there are so many bigger gender issues in society that we can focus our energy on. Not worth it IMO…

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Little things shape our thoughts. It starts with how we talk. You can’t change the world by going big right away. It’s too big of a gap to cover.

This is probably one of the most ridiculous posts I’ve seen in a while. If you don’t like something, say it!! You should be talking to your new sis, not us.

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Chill out dude

likeupliftingfunny

I grew up in very urban places and have many male friends from playing sports all the time, and bro, dude, etc. are ingrained in my colloquial vocabulary (F, 20s). Don’t take it personally, she likely does it to everyone. If it bothers you, let her know and ask her to call address you using an alternative, but don’t be too upset if it slips sometimes if it’s a part of her general vocab.

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Adding another perspective- she’s not doing it manipulatively - I call girls and guys this as well - it’s a sign I feel comfortable with you and can just speak regularly

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Could you have your husband bring it up casually, like if you’re together and she calls you bro, he knows to step in to say something like hey, OP hates nicknames and prefers to be called “OP’s name”.

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Op try this -- Hey , I have a beautiful name why don't you use that. Or say, sorry who's that? Your bro?

I would just tell her politely: ‘Bro sounds like frat house to me, even though I know you don’t mean it that well. Please call me by my name.’ She will need a bit to adjust, if she does it again and does not correct herself, correct her. Be kind, nice, and firm. This will soon be behind you and you’ll enjoy the friendship you have. Just be direct (and nice in doing so). Does not seem like disrespect, just a style thing. It would annoy me too!

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