I recently had a friend from college move to my city and I’m noticing I have not too much in common and essentially “outgrown” the friendship. However I’m the only person she knows and she doesn’t seem to be branching out so I feel obligated to include her in my social plans and hang out with her but I’m feeling a bit bored and drained on top of that we seem to be in different life stages and convos are starting to be a bit one sided Has anyone dealt with something similar advice?

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You're not obligated. Start by being less available. I moved to an old college friend's town, and she had no time for me. I moved to another city and she later moved there and expected me to be her joined at the hip best friend. All this to say, do you know if she would even feel the same obligation towards you?

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Like i know first hand how hard it is to make friends in a new place so I want to give her some grace but also it seems like she doesn’t want to do the heavily lifting

Which on a related note I’ve realized is why some people have such a hard time making friends as adults (. They don’t realize it takes work just like a romantic relationship 🙄)

The slow ghost approach. Example3 hang out once a week, then once every other week, then once a month until you’re generally unavailable. Don’t kill the “friendship” but move to a much less involved role…

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This plus introducing her to people u know that she might vibe with which will accelerate the process :)

Cont. also feel guilty if I have other plans and don’t include her but I just feel like I’m not vibing. Additionally we have a friend group from college we keep up with so I feel more uncomfortable if I “drop” her or stop hanging out with her bc I’ll look like a bad guy but like she really isn’t putting in a lot of effort and I feel like she’s expecting me to essentially host her ( but she lives here so it’s weird to expect me to make plans for her every week)

Also in New York if that makes a difference

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