{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I recently lost a parent. It seems so unfair that if this happened during the summer I would only have to pretend to be ok for 40 hours a week, as opposed to now where 60 hours is the expectation.", "post_id": "5e5522558caec70024800a7f", "reply_count": 21, "vote_count": 7, "bowl_id": "564a5cdb94887803001dd07c", "bowl_name": "Accounting" }

I recently lost a parent. It seems so unfair that if this happened during the summer I would only have to pretend to be ok for 40 hours a week, as opposed to now where 60 hours is the expectation.

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Why do you have to pretend to be okay? Best wishes to you and your family. Your team should be understanding of this, take time off if you need to, everyone grieves differently. Some use work to distract, some can’t focus at work, do what’s best for your health & your family.

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Its ridiculous that big 4 culture makes people feel this way. Speak up. If it were me I’d be taking off from work and telling whomever was giving me a hard time to screw off

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I've got to say this isn't all big 4 culture. It is the culture of some specific teams with unreasonable people. I had a funeral this year and my team was very understanding and accomadating. And for me it was good to keep working.

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You should have bereavement leave at your firm. Talk to HR

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Seriously talk to a partner. This will not be an issue. Sorry for your loss.

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Take the time off that you need, talk to your partners - they will be 100% supportive but they need to know you need to take time

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I suggest you ask to reduce your hours. It’s possible.

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Yeah this is what I’m thinking ... just wondering if, because it’s busy season this will be a flexible arrangement.

Y’all don’t understand, I’m saying even if I take a week, you don’t grieve for a week and then stop. It’s a process. So it seems unfair that people who experience this in the middle of the summer get 15 hours more processing time for many weeks than I do in the middle of busy season.

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It’s not a question of “fairness” and I wouldn’t phrase it that way. If you need accommodations to deal with a major personal loss - ask for what you need. People will make it work - but they can’t help you unless they know you need help.

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This is definitely not a big 4 thing or a norm. If you are suffering from any kind of sadness and ofcourse from this big loss, f you just spoke to your HR and partner, I am more than certain you would get some time off! Please look after yourself and wish you have the strength to get over this.

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OP, if you’re the type of person that needs work to distract you, then I would ask management I you could work from home on reduced hours. I would set a minimum reduced amount of hours that way your team knows what to expect and if you choose to work more, than that’s fine. If you need time off from work then request that and the firm should give it to you.

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Having loss my mother I can tell you that every minute you pass pretending to be fine adds up to potential depression in long run. Take your time now, when people will be more understanding of your grieving process. In few weeks only few will understand why you are still sensitive, and sad . Please do take your time to do it, it helps to replace the sense of loss for a more positive feeling fill with the good memories. I’m really sorry.

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By “pretend to be okay” I’m mean that, grieving is a process. It’s not like you wake up one day healed, it takes time. Could be days, weeks, months, or it could take forever. So whether you take off days or weeks at a certain point you have to go back to work and “pretend to be okay”/put on a happy face. With that said if this were to happen in the summer it would be 40 hours of “pretending” whereas during busy season it’s 55-60.

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I understand what you’re saying. And yes, any personal trauma is exacerbated during tax season. Sending hugs 💕

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Take some time off. I’m in a similar situation with similar feelings as yours. Talked with my manager and he was pushing me to take time off. Talk to someone.

I can’t believe you feel this way. Please take the time you need to grieve.

I’m very interested in feedback on my previous comment

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