I recently returned to work after having my second child. Firm told they will make me income partner this year. I got the least supportive spouse ever. He’s verbally abusive and constantly putting me down. He never helped with kids. I don’t want to get a divorce now as I have young kids but we fight constantly - and after every fight, I feel so little. My work is so busy and I’m running everything in the family because I WHF (his words - you want me to quit my job)… how to survive?

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Talk to a divorce lawyer. Child of divorce here—was young when my parents divorced and let me tell you I REMEMBER the fights. Life was so much better after the divorce because my mom was happier.

Do this for yourself AND your kids.

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Get rid of him.

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A divorce would be the best thing that ever happened to you and your career. You will instantly be doing 50% less housework and childcare and will be 200% happier. Life is short. Tear the Bandaid off

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To be clear, the gig you currently have is not a healthy marriage! You may find an actual partner later. Wishing you all of the best help and support as you excise this jerk from your life.

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You don’t need him. You can do this on your own, mama! You don’t need that toxicity in your life.

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I bet you don’t lose anything and gain your confidence in everything including humanity. I’ve been there. At 26 I left and never looked back. Was it easy? No. But I’m sure it wasn’t harder than having to deal with him. You’ve got this and look around …… you are NOT alone! 🤗

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You’re about to be partner. You don’t need this joker. Consult a divorce lawyer and file; there’s a good chance you won’t owe any alimony.

likesmart

Consult with as many as you want until you find someone you feel comfortable with. As a matrimonial attorney for higher net worth clients, it’s common to charge for an hour long consult where I am, so it’s not inherently a red flag.

likesmart

I am in big law and have young kids. I was in a terribly toxic, emotionally abusive relationship and I held on for so long thinking that I would not be able to do it alone. Turns out. Being alone is 8000x better than waking up with someone that likes to make you feel small and put you down all the time. My kids are happier. I am much less stressed because I now hire help or ask for help instead of doing it all myself and hoping he would notice. Wasn’t married though so the financial aspect of it made sense. Lawyer up. Protect your assets. When it’s time, run.

likeupliftingsmart

I hate to jump on the bandwagon but he doesn’t seem likely to change with the things you’ve said. I know it can be scary to leave but if you are already doing everything, wouldn’t it be nice to do it with a little bit of peace instead of some jerk being awful to you?

Child of divorce here and yes, they will remember if you stay and things don’t change. Get yourself some info from a GOOD divorce attorney who isn’t afraid of a fight (because he will absolutely try to get everything so he can continue to mooch off you) and don’t look back. Good luck mama! Sending prayers

Family law attorney here - schedule a consultation with a family lawyer in your city ASAP.

Put your kids first. The constant fighting will only cause them trauma. I have clients whose children become physically ill and developmentally delayed (ie. regressing in potty training at school age, speech issues) because they cannot cope with their parents’ conflict at home. Don’t take that risk with your kids.

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Talk to a divorce lawyer. If you’re afraid of losing everything probably better to figure out the game plan now become you become equity partner and making even more money. You deserve happiness and feeling at peace in your relationships.

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Job stuff aside - remember, you are teaching your children how they should be treated. A happy parent is far better than married parents who are unhappy. Love yourself - you deserve that.

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Narcissists engage in "love bombing." In short, it's where they show up, make the relationship incredibly deep very early on, and then press for the relationship to progress at an advance pace because "they love you so much." When the relationship gets where they want it to be, they assume control and do everything to "get you in line." Autonomy and individuality are not allowed. They are "allowed" into every area of your life and they can control it as they see fit... because you married them.

It's a common narcissistic act and you shouldn't feel bad that you fell into it. He probably noticed that you needed help in an area or were stressed and took the opportunity to take control.

I normally don't agree or advocate for divorce, but as a child who lived through this (and my mother STILL won't leave), please leave. Neither you nor your children should be walking on eggshells in your own house. I go through this cycle of frustration and fear and paranoia and anxiety everytime I meet someone, because of how I grew up.

You were fine before this man came along, and you'll be fine afterwards. ❤

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If you don’t want to jump the gun with the divorce, have you tried couples counseling? Very sorry for what you’re going through. It’s hard enough doing this profession even with a supportive spouse.

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please get a divorce you and your kids deserve better

My heart is breaking for you, OP. I’ve read through all your replies because I’ve been in your EXACT situation before. I know how lonely & scary it is, and how crazy they make you feel. No, that behavior from him is NOT normal or acceptable (for American or any other couples). You are clearly a very competent, smart, and empathetic person. You care a lot about your kids. Definitely get a consult with a family law or divorce attorney. Verify your assets and financial situation BEFORE you ever bring it up with him. Get a solid escape plan in place (finances, what’ll happen with the kids, living situation, etc.) as much as you can before speaking to him about it. Loop in trusted friends/family to help you execute the plan. Then go for it. You got this. We’re all rooting for you!

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What you allow is what will continue.

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Get a divorce. Staying because you have children will hurt your children in the long term. You will teach them that verbal abuse is acceptable in marriage if you stay.

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I heard there were studies that showed kids fare better after a divorce rather than staying in a bad marriage. This is from someone I was dating who was recently divorced.

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Divorce him before you start making more $$ and because he sounds like a dick.

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No offense i think you need a therapist and figure out why you’re with a toxic partner in a toxic relationship

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I know why - I was a single mother for a few years and he showed up during the pandemic all charming and eager to be my son’s dad.. and we got married right away.

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Start therapy and consult a divorce lawyer when you are ready. It will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Staying in that type of a relationship actually causes more harm to your children. (I can tell you this first hand, as someone who grew up in a household like that.) My siblings and myself all grew up with a lot of trauma, and all became codependent. So please, don’t stay for your children, because it is not healthy for them (or YOU)! Sending you hugs, encouragement, and support!

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My heart is breaking for you! His behavior is unacceptable! Please trust your gut and realize this is gaslighting. These type of people will break you down so you lose your sense of self, put up with their abuse, and stay with them. If he has a cluster B personality disorder (as it sounds he might), no amount of therapy will ever “fix” him. The abuse cycle is perpetual. I highly recommend finding a therapist who specializes in trauma. It was my saving grace after leaving a similar relationship too. (And yes, if you don’t fully heal from this trauma, you have a high chance of attracting another predator.) Please DM me if you need to talk or want some more advice. I’ve lived through it as a child and with my ex. You are going to need all the support you can get, but I promise, you will come out so much stronger and better in the long run!

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It’s a weak man who verbally abuses a woman. No one wants to leave their relationship, but it only gets worse. Please leave. The next step will be putting his hands on you. I remember my mother and father arguing, and I remember wishing they would get a divorce. That’s the reason I never got married because I thought that was normal in marriages, and I didn’t want it. You need someone who will love and appreciate you and your accomplishments. He will love you and your children to help you grow even more. At almost 50, I met my fiancé and we are just getting married for the first time.

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Child of divorced parents. The day the divorce was final was the happiest day of my life. I remember the fighting.

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Better to b alone than in bad company. You r not doing ur kids any favors by staying unhappy.

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