{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I see a lot of people post about long term relationships. My wife and I are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary today. We've been poor, house poor, poor again, middle class, upper middle class and now well to do.\n\nWe've had many of the problems you would expect over time, multiple careers, lived in 8 states, and raised two children.\n\nIt is hard, wonderful, worthwhile and doable.\n\nI hope everyone here gets as lucky as we have been.", "post_id": "6005d157140bb50022fe9a94", "reply_count": 203, "vote_count": 1045, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }
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I see a lot of people post about long term relationships. My wife and I are celebrating our 35th wedding anniversary today. We've been poor, house poor, poor again, middle class, upper middle class and now well to do.

We've had many of the problems you would expect over time, multiple careers, lived in 8 states, and raised two children.

It is hard, wonderful, worthwhile and doable.

I hope everyone here gets as lucky as we have been.

likeupliftinghelpfulsmart
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Thanks for sharing. My wife and I are approaching 8 years, have 3 kids, lived in 3 states, and it’s been the wildest most rewarding ride.

Our first apt was an unkempt little basement and we traded rent for nannying their kids. I was doing an unpaid internship and hoping for the best.

Our situation is dramatically different now but if you ask me or my wife, it’s those memories that we look back on with great fondness.

She’s literally the greatest thing in the world and I couldn’t be luckier.

likeuplifting

Don’t forget “the most expensive” gifts we will ever have! Lol. Hopefully they will pay that forward and take care of us when we are old.

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Congrats OP. My wife and I are going on 14 years married and 21 together. We lived through me in grad school 1500 miles away me Getting laid off and being a stay at home dad for a while. Losing our life savings trying to keep her dads business going. My wife having postpartum depression with our first. Wife quitting her job to let me have a dream career. A pandemic baby boy (our 5th) with me stuck at home in quarantine. And most recently my taking in our nephew after social services called. and our best friends of the last 10 years telling us they are getting a divorce. It’s been a crazy ride with lots of ups and downs but one we have taken together. Hopefully we will get to number 35 too.

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After living and living through all this, I'm sure you'll make it at least 35 years!

uplifting
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Congratulations!

Curious, what wisdom would you impart for us younger folks in regards to sustaining a relationship as long as you and your wife?

like

C5- yes. Otherwise probably no one would stay married, everyone hits rough spots.

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Congratulations on 35 years! Sounds like you did it right. I truly believe everyone should go through a period (hopefully short) where you are poor. Builds character!

Ps: we are in our “30’s” too. Tolerance... tolerance... patience... and a full commitment to go the distance are key.

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A1: Entirely relatable. Mom raised my brother and I largely herself while working a low paying retail job and going to respiratory therapy school. Spent LOTS of time eating the same meal (broccoli, Mac n cheese, rice, and bratwurst) in a small, cheap, community washer and dryer, two bedroom apartment in a small town where my brother and I shared bunk beds. Before that, it was a POS trailer in a classic trailer neighborhood situation where my mom did much the same. We couldn’t afford much anything. Yet, my fondest memories and growth come from those times. It’s defined my character and drive in ways it otherwise wouldn’t have been. I’m absolutely “cheap” (I call it thrifty), sometimes to a fault, but in no way would I change anything. I appreciate every step it took to get here much more, and I think I find joy in small things during a daily life much easier. And when I do treat myself to a nice steak dinner or whatever it is, I enjoy it more.

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I'm single and am just as happy!

likeuplifting

Good for you. I would never tell someone our life is right for anyone else.

like

Congratulations. In a similar situation, but only been married 31 years & raised 3 kids.

Thousands of things I could have or should have done differently, but don't have any regrets with where I am today

likesmart

Agree 100%. Always 20/20 hindsight suggests changes, but I wouldn't change anything, who knows what those changes would have led to.

like

Congrats OP.
Wife and I are 5 years in currently in the poor phase (due to student loans and her losing job b.c of coivd)
Hoping to keep working and get into the well to do over the next decade!

likeuplifting

I hope you do as well. Two against the world is so much stronger.

like

Congratulations! My SO and I wake up every day and tell each other that we love one another and we are genuinely happy just to be together. I feel so lucky every day

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Congrats on a life well lived OP. Any advice for keeping your marriage going for 35 years? I’m going on 14 years, but find that my generation has lesser tolerance and patience. The opposite was true in my parents’ generation. I often wonder if many of my friends will make it past 30 years of marriage!

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Love is a feeling and can be transient, come and go, while commitment is a mindset, a framework to operate in. More than love, Consideration for your SO has to reside and thrive within that framework of commitment, for a long AND a successful marriage.

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My wife and I just had our 1st Anniversary. I feel like if we can make it through our 1st year in a pandemic we can get through the next 34 years. Congratulations!🎈🎊🎉

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35th? Wow - congrats !

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Thanks MD - what industry are you in and what have you done to get there? Also, how have you managed to keep up a great relationship with your s/o.

Thanks for sharing!

likesmart

Don't be modest! Seems like both you and your wife are geniuses on technical matters and the matters of heart. Congrats on your anniversary! Hope you're celebrating well 🎉🎉

like

Congrats!

12 years in here. Solidly “well to do” — but went through poor stage together with negative net worth and student loans.

That phase made me appreciate her more. She rode a bike to work for a while when we had one car (prioritized savings) and I got staffed locally. What a trooper!

like

Awesome!

What an uplifting post!

If you’re open to sharing, what was it like raising kids when you and your wife both had high-powered jobs and career goals? It’s been a topic of conversation lately between my wife and I.

like

I retired after the first start-up, we were comfortable but not rich. Then I did the second and we were well-off and I retired. I did a project that led to 6 years work and then I retired for good, BUT, I volunteered full time.

We wanted our kids to always see at least one of us working. I also did some deep thinking and research and that led to a project that paid off real well even though it wasn't the objective. Full time volunteer isn't like full time at a start-up or consultancy.

My wife was also very active in studying and volunteering.

I enjoy working when it is challenging, and with a capital base of the job gets boring I can quit.

I have so many things I want to do that I'm never bored. During one retirement I read the Oxford reading list as if I were studying in university. In another a side project in learning derivatives pricing math led to a decent residual income stream. I got a black belt to get back in shape at the same time since studying can lead to being sedentary.

I'm a curious guy, so self study, volunteering, and reading can fully occupy me.

likeuplifting

Congrats OP! Our 35th is coming up in a couple of months! We had very similar path, poor, getting by, middle class, and now doing great. No kids, but plenty of nieces and nephews to spoil. It takes work, but we have always kept us as the central part of our relationship.

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That's awesome. Congrats. I bet the nieces, nephews and family love you guys.

Congrats! <3

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We will hit 40 years on 3/21. Been together since 07/75. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...”

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Thanks. You too. We are snowbirds in SC from OH. My husband is retired. So just watching our “home” weather and thankful we’re down south. You too stay safe & warm! I am hoping to retire soon myself, my client has been a living hell for two years!

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Congratulations! I'll keep my fingers crossed that my husband and I can also one day celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary!

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Good luck. 👍

upliftingfunny

I have been in a long term relationship for 31 years with myself and had ups and down but it’s been a wonderful journey. 💚

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It's the most important relationship of all. I'm in a relationship with another wonderful human at this time of my life but I know that being in one with just myself is just as great!

Congrats OP, and thank you for sharing, it is actually inspiring. We just celebrated 6 years and baby #1 is on the way, exciting times ahead:)

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So cool! Change isn't bad, its just change. Enjoy each other and the baby. And 14 years from now know they will outgrow it.

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Wow wow wow!!! I hope the best for you and your family moving forward and for continued success. I’m in a marriage with the complete opposite issue, my husband has TOO much money and it destroys a lot. These posts put things in perspective, the grass is always greener.

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I'm so sorry that money is causing issues for you guys. I hope you can get it all worked out.

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