I struggled with binge drinking for many years after my mom passed away. I have been sober for the past 12 months. My husband has struggled with drinking for a long time as well, and just got done serving a 6 month sentence for his second DUI (on ankle bracelet at home for 4 months of the sentence). He got out of jail this week, and he has drank almost everyday since. He says he is different now, and can control himself (i.e, he won't be abusive or drive). Continued in comments..

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I have a similar story to you in that my wife gave up alcohol before I did. That period of time is one of our darkest stretches. My wife eventually gave me an ultimatum: a relationship with her or a relationship with alcohol. I chose her but resented her for months. I'm now 1.5 years sober and it's been the best year of my life. I'm so lucky she loved me enough to almost leave me.

likeupliftinghelpful

Deloitte offers excellent mental health counseling through a third party provider. 8 sessions free and can be available very quickly. It would be great if you could talk this through with a professional.

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Strongly recommend looking into joining an Al Anon meeting near your. I am 120 days sober in AA, my wife started attending Al Anon mtgs a couple of years ago, before I was ready to understand and admit I am unable to control my drinking, it was very helpful for her, it may be for you as well

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You are not overreacting at all. When someone thinks they can become indifferent or immune to alcoholism is such a trap. It is sneaky. And I’ am speaking from personal experience, not judgment. I always thought the same thing. They always told me in AA, (because I wouldnt admit that I had a problem), “nothing bad has happened… YET”. that’s the kicker. Don’t wait for something worse to happen. He may think he can control himself but after having multiple DUI’s and repeating the behavior, that is a sure sign of alcoholism and it is a problem, and it will get worse if it continues. Please take care of yourself..we are here for you!

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You’re scared, rightly so, because you know where he is headed and it’s not a good place. You’re looking for ways to stay with him and not leave but you know leaving is the right thing to do. He has to be willing to stop. For me it’s hard to imagine a dui, jail, and home confinement not being rock bottom and what a rock bottom for that person would look like. I would not want to be there when it happens.

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Step 1: “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.”
If he is not able to see this, then he’s not ready to A) take responsibility for his own life or B) be in a relationship. As others have said, it’s usually rock bottom that triggers it. Sounds like DUI + jail is not bottom enough and also like others have said, I would not like to see what is past this.
I feel for you, I relate

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But I know alcohol is sneaky, and some people just aren't wired to have one or two drinks. I am really worried about him, and he takes my concern as an attack, and thinks I don't trust him. I care about him deeply and love the man he is sober, but I don't think I can mentally handle living through more stress caused by his alcohol issues. I know nothing bad has happened yet, but I am just disappointed that he is drinking again, and it is bringing up a lot of issues for me. Do you think I am overreacting?

Prayers for the both of you.

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You need to leave this person. This is not someone who wants to get better.

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