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Enthusiast
Mind the business that pays you.
Conversation Starter
Check on your mom but stay out of it. It’s their relationship and if you’re not in a position to support her, then approaching your dad will just create a mess for the hell of it.
Thanks for the advice. I’d support my mum as much as I can but I’m still pretty early in my career (24), I can’t really do that much. It just pains me to see my dad put my mum through this again, the first time threw her into deep depression when I was a kid and she couldn’t leave back then, because she was a housewife and had no financial stability.
Conversation Starter
I would imagine that your mother already knows. Does she want to leave but is unable to do so financially?
Regardless, you should do your best to stay out of it but support your mom as needed.
Rising Star
Mind your business. She knows and your interference will humiliate her.
One more thing to add, I’m from an Asian background, so like many other Asians, family is one of my top priorities. I thought that my dad has reformed (since the first time he was caught)… I’m just really disappointed and sad for my mum. I guess cheaters will always cheat
Enthusiast
Cheaters always cheat and some though they love their SO can't help but cheat. It has more to do about how they see themselves and their self appreciation than anything else. Now, this is obviously eating at you so I'd suggest you confront your dad 1 on 1 and ask the questions you need an answer to. Same for your mom, when the time is right.
Those behaviors affect our relationships and personally, talking about it with my parents did help me better understand what was going on and heal if you will. Free myself of the fear of becoming them.
That being said, Thanksgiving isn't the best time for that. Good luck
Chief
Do you know she wants him to be confronted?
Enthusiast
Your parents relationship isn’t yours, mind your business.
Pro
Stay out of it, they might even have an agreement you don’t know about.
Let him get a second wife!
Pro
It is your business on some level, despite comments to the contrary. I do agree that it seems best for you stay out of it though.
It is my business in a sense that this is my mum and I care deeply for her. She’s the reason why I am the person I am today.
And from a more monetary standpoint, if anything goes south, my mum would be left without a place to stay and pretty much penniless as she was a housewife for most of her life. I wouldn’t be able to sit idly at that point and would definitely support her, financially.
Chief
You’re not responsible for your parents’ relationship OR your mom’s emotional state. I know it’s hard to see, but you’re a separate person and can’t (and don’t have the power to) control how they live their lives. Had a similar childhood experience to yours, and it’s important to remember you’re not a child anymore, with no independence or separation from them.
Chief
Yes, it’s definitely affected my own relationships, and therapy has been helpful. Feel free to DM if you want to chat more. 🙂
Rising Star
Your parents relationship is their business and you never know what goes on behind closed doors, even if you think you do, so you must keep out of it. But you need to look after yourself as well as it can be overwhelming trying to clean the mess your dad leaves behind. I had similar but my mum would never leave my pos cheating dad, even when I wanted to buy her somewhere to live without him. She was scared of being alone I guess. Live your own life but support your mum as best you can.
Can you have a conversation just with your dad? See if he’s willing to listen? Maybe that conversation will open his eyes. Sorry to see you go through this OP!
What makes you suspicious?
I know. And I think he noticed something off with my mum this morning, she made an excuse and said she felt ill. All of sudden, he was on the phone and pretended that he had to give those keys back because it was a part of the “sting operation”. It’s absolute bs because I checked his agoda (hotel booking) and saw that he paid for the room two days ago
Stay in a child’s place and out of your parents’ marriage
I think I’ll stay out of this as advised. I don’t want anything to cause any financial issue to my mum and sister, who are both still living at home. It’s just very difficult to act normal around them when I know that my mum is hurting so much.
Do you think he is cheating because of lust or love?
Love is definitely a whimsical feeling (chemical response) first before it becomes a choice. But that’s not my point. Sometimes life happens and two people encounter each other after they make commitments. One or both may genuinely feel that level of committed affection for this new person and be willing to make sacrifices for and prioritize them over their spouse. Not saying it’s right, and some may consider this far worse then just cheating simply because you want to sleep with someone else, but it absolutely changes how both spouses address the affair.
Mind your own business. Thats what you do
Stay out of it
I stopped talking to my dad and let me step mom deal with it. I’m pretty sure she knows it’s my not relationship but I choose not to “reward” the behavior