I take care of my adult autistic brother. He tends to interrupt my meetings 2 or 3 times a week. My boss scheduled a 1:1 for next week, with a note that the purpose of the meeting is to talk about 'maintaining a proper work environment'. He's kind of an ass and I just know this meeting is about my brother. Is he right to be pissed, or should I take the defensive position here?

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If it is during work meetings, you can reasonably be expected to not have interruptions in meetings with colleagues on a routine basis. It implies that you need some help with taking care of your older brother, which it sounds like you do. This would be the same as childcare, etc- it’s not professional to have a child running into meetings on a routine basis, because there is a need for a permanent support situation. Is it possible for your brother to have a caregiver during the day so you can work, or is an adult community - based day care a solution? Or you could negotiate a schedule where you have more flex hours that enables you to take care of him? I am sympathetic to your situation as I have a young child who needs care, and do not want to be critical, but on this point, it sounds like you need support.

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Human Beings used to be reasonably expected to be kind. Guess not where you work? Ernst Young?

Under the ADA, caregivers of those with disabilities are also protected. I think you should explain the situation to your boss and try to work with him, but you should also contact HR and make them aware of your situation. It may help protect you should your boss decide not to be understanding.

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Part of protecting the company can also mean protecting the employee. If something falls under ADA protection, the company will want to make sure they are following that.

This sounds like a terrible manager who doesn’t understand the needs of their employees outside of work. I’m sorry. I’d address it but of course keep in mind HR is rarely on the side of the employee.

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It comes down to the culture of the company and the nature of the meetings. This wouldn’t be an issue at Spotify for an engineer. But I believe the EY commenter when they say this wouldn’t fly there. If you feel like you’re fighting the culture, you probably are and having the moral high ground probably won’t help.

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Agree big time that it depends on the company. I take care of my aging mother who needs 24/7 care and nobody at Google has ever made me feel a way about it even when sometimes I need to join meetings late or leave early. The pandemic has taught us to be a bit more empathetic around the battles many were silently fighting outside of the office. Now that the office and home have blended for most, it’s even more imperative that managers and teammates act with compassion and empathy.

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This shouldn't be an issue. Since working remote, we have had kids in the laps during meeting, or as noise in the background. Dogs and cats are so common. Sometimes when there is someone at the door, the dogs don't stop barking and whomever is talking cannot finish their sentence. We go on with the rest of the topic until that person can unmute again. It's also very common to hear in the meetings, ' Hold on, someone's at the door' , or, 'They are on a pickup line and excuse for a few minutes'. Some of our jobs have back to back meetings all day, sometimes double booked., So it's understood, we need to excuse ourselves few times to stay alive. Your brother, if he is showing up in the camera when you are muted, or talks something briefly shouldn't be an issue at all. Mute yourself if it's quick, excuse yourself and move out of the camera if it takes more than a few seconds. Do what you can, to not distract others in the meeting for longer than few seconds.

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Why should you let your boss dictate on how to take care of your brother? Just tell him about your brother's condition and also that you try your best to not let him interrupt your meetings but sometimes you can't control that. Thats human nature. If your boss is humane, then he should understand your condition.

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NTA, of course depends on the kind/severity of the interruption. If boss isn’t remotely understanding I’d bounce cuz that’d be ridiculous

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What kind of interruption are we talking about?

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Be upfront, explain your brother condition and your manager should understand that. If not then you know what to do.

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Leave. If you pass on your resume, we'll help your family, with you in a role that probably pays higher and has kinder people. We just had World Autism Day. This kind of d-baggery is unacceptable.

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