I think I’m lesbian. And my boyfriend of 7 years doesn’t know it and I don’t know how I should tell him. I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid to come out and to see my life drastically change.

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What if it drastically changes for the better? Fear is the only thing holding you back from being your true self and living the life you were meant to live. You might hurt your boyfriend but it’s better for the both of you that you don’t continue to live a lie. It’s unfair to him as much as it is to you. Wishing you strength to find what’s right for you and to make that bold leap towards freedom in being who you truly are. 💕💫

likehelpful

I think SC1 put it excellently. But everyone responds to different kinds of advice so here’s the same message differently...

7 years is a long time. I’m sure you love him. Love him (and yourself) enough to do the right thing. A relationship in which one person is putting on a face is felt on both ends. I had a similar experience. I was so afraid to hurt him. But you know what would have hurt him more. If we got married. Had kids. Lived a life that I couldn’t feel right in until I eventually made the same choice I could’ve made years - decades - prior. Being true to yourself is a terrifyingly liberating experience. And when you are in a situation like yours you can fall back on his feelings instead of truly feeling your own. You know that “I love him, but...” thought that bounces around all the time? Explore the but. That’s where the good stuff is

likeupliftinghelpful

Beautifully said. Wonderful, heartfelt advice. 💕

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Get audio book called Brutal honesty by chapter 4 you will know that waiting any longer is detrimental to both of you.

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To be fair, I didn’t drag my bf on for 7 years. When I posted this, it was me finally coming out to myself and I needed advice on what I should do next. No one else knows. I love my bf so much. If I would’ve known that I was gay, I wouldn’t have been with him for so long. Pls don’t judge me by assuming. All I need right now is support.

likehelpful

If this is directed to me, I didn’t assume. That’s why I said I had many unanswered questions. Your use of the word “think” made me wonder whether you had an attraction to someone of the same sex in your office or if you just didn’t feel a romantic connection to your boyfriend of seven years. So I didn’t know if you were reading into something along those lines and “thinking” you may be a lesbian. For something as important, I thought to read something with no area of misinterpretation.

If it’s advice you want, I echo the same sentiments as everyone else. Have the decency to sit down with your boyfriend and give him the closure he may need. Be ready to answer any questions he may have. You owe him that much after hitting him with a curveball when he might be seeing himself with you for years to come.

This is all speculation tho. I truly hope you’ve broke the news to him by now. I believe this shouldn’t go on any longer.

My wife doesn’t love me anymore but she is sticking around so she doesn’t hurt my feelings.

likehelpful

Thank you, SW1. Your advice hit home and I’ll give your article a read when the waterworks stop flowing 😭 I’m having a rough patch in my marriage because of similar issues, yet you bring up a good point about laughter that I’ll need to deeper discuss with my SO.

likeuplifting

Yay welcome to the club! I came out to myself and others when I was 28. After that my life has changed for the better in so many ways, now 4 years later I am soooo in love with my girlfriend and see a future with her. I am living my dream life everyday, instead of living a convenient life. Don’t be scared, and allow him to be free and find his happiness. And happy pride! 💚

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Well men are fluid too if you come from that standpoint. But you totally could become one of the creepy tinder couples looking for a third

funny

You’re basically lying to him every day by not saying anything. That’s not exactly what you do to people you care about. He’s probably going to hurt more about the lying than your sexual orientation when you tell him. Time for some honesty.

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I have many questions, like why did you wait to tell him after 7 years and why aren’t you surer than “thinking?” However, I am not a counselor and that is not info you need to divulge here.

What I am is someone who was at the opposite end of having their partner of two years cut off the relationship and run off with someone of the same sex.

I was hurt and felt betrayed but I eventually healed. It’s painful because you feel the whole time as though you’re living a fantasy and that what you’ve invested in has gone to waste.

Unfortunately it’s not a first and won’t be a last. I’ve spoken with many who have gone through this. You need to be open and honest with your partner now and agree on a solution and just be thankful it’s your boyfriend and not a husband or have kids involved.

I wish you both the best.

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Not everyone knows at an early age. I did not come to terms with my sexual orientation until my late 20s, and I still feel uncomfortable admitting it to myself at times. It can be hard to accept that your reality is different than you thought it was and that there's a part of yourself you've been struggling to understand for your whole life.

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Hi AD, I saw this article today and thought of you and where you are in your life. ❤️
https://www.nbcnews.com/know-your-value/amp/ncna1018391

likehelpful

Thank you so much for this read. It helped me realize that telling my bf the truth is the right thing to do

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There’s also the likelihood that you might not be a lesbian 😉 either. Women are so fluid. So if there’s somehow you can explore without feeling guilty that could be an option. Honesty sets you free so is there a way to discuss with him how you feel and arrange a free pass or something. He might be hurt but it’s better to let him also decide. Relationships are complicated.

likehelpful

This is something you can go through together. You don’t need to leave him behind. If he does decide to leave you to face this alone, so be it. But you can face this as a couple and then separate lovingly on good terms. 7 years isn’t nothing.

likesmart

hi 😄 so i posted this 2 weeks ago. the day i posted, i told him after. it has been...the most heartwarming and positive breakup i’ve had, because he supported me and understood me we’re no longer together, but still have a close friendship. i feel so much more alive and free. thank you everyone who helped inspire me to take this step forward. You truly did help change my life.

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Think of his feelings. You have to tell him.

funny

I explored at 37, came out when I found the one. You’re not lying, feelings evolve.

funny

Dated a woman for 9 years who I think is and was a lesbian. It fucked me up, bad, because I thought her lack of sexual interest was because of me. It f’d my confidence, my health, my self-worth. It you suspect it, tell him. Tell him now.

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