I think this is the lowest my self-esteem has ever been and the highest my anxiety has ever been at work, and I’m pretty sure it’s because of this job, not covid. I was pulled in from industry about two years ago. Does this ever get better?

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The stress of this line of work can be all-encompassing and destructive, and it sucks when it all boils over. It helps to be able to disengage from it, which can be really hard to do when you're overwhelmed. I've dealt with pretty bad anxiety myself - I know how heavy the burden can be.
Mindful meditation really helps with disengaging with stress and stuck thoughts / feelings; in this case, about your work.
Practicing may not initially seem very impactful, but consistency will allow you to take a step back from the loops your mind is stuck on so that you can observe your thoughts and manage your response to them, rather than be consumed by them.
This quote from Marcus Aurelius really helped to ground me when I first started: "if you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment."
It's not the stress that kills you, it's your response to it. Put yourself and the people you love before you work - it'll help you manage your stress and you'll be happier overall.

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OP! I so relate to you. In industry now. I have always been a strong performer but struggling in my current role. After a long introspection, I have come to the conclusion that it’s not me but the maturity of the new org I am in. Lack of proper leadership, not having clearly defined roles and responsibilities cause a lot of anxiety and adds additional burden. I am hoping to exit in year. 🤞

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How's your life outside of work? I find that having hobbies (especially competitive sports) helps me find winning even when I'm having a losing day in my 9-5.

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I am learning this. But I have gotten burned out this past busy season because I didnt focus on myself enough

OP,sorry to hear about this..what’s the cause? Work pressure ? Boss!

Intense workloads, covid, feeling of being used/taken advantage of, Bad project after bad project, lying partners/SMs, firm politics, poor communication, introversion I can’t get over, making efforts to stay connected with colleagues that are ignored. A lot of stuff across the spectrum that have beaten down my mental health day after day.

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It gets better if you take Zoloft!!

In all seriousness, I am sorry to hear you’re struggling. (If you aren’t already) consider seeking professional help, like a therapist. I know it takes up time and costs money, but if you have the means to do it, it will be well worth it. I have used talk therapy for years and that has helped a ton. With work on top of covid, I decided to get on antidepressants and feel like a new person. You can figure out a plan that works for you.

You may also decide it really is your job and need to leave it, but a therapist can help you develop strategies to feel better and manage life with your job. Best of luck and I hope you feel better!

Thanks C1. Actually started taking Buspar recently for anxiety. Haven’t noticed much of a difference other than nausea.
Delta-8 has helped a bit with anxiety but sometimes just makes me feel kind of high during work...which isn’t always ideal. So maybe I’ll ask about Zoloft as an option.

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