Related Posts
Enthusiast
Has anyone else ever dated a coworker?
More Posts
Rising Star
Bowl Leader
Full moons be like 🤦🏻♀️
Additional Posts in Big Law
Coach
Billed 0 hours today. 4 hours all week. Wooo!!!
Conversation Starter
Enthusiast
Has anyone else ever dated a coworker?
Rising Star
Bowl Leader
Full moons be like 🤦🏻♀️
Coach
Billed 0 hours today. 4 hours all week. Wooo!!!
Conversation Starter
Coach
Jobs/income alone don’t make people attractive partners. Don’t count on these things to do any of the real work for you in finding a partner or, especially, making a relationship work. Your time and attention are likely to be what a modern woman wants from you. However, you may get more understanding about your lifestyle if you date another professional.
Coach
I always have dated non-lawyers. It’s difficult, but I plan hours during the week where I hang out with my partner barring a true work emergency, and I try to do my weekend work around her schedule. As for things to talk about, it’s admittedly hard to stay interesting/informed but I just talk about TV shows, music, food, sports, travel, etc. like anyone else—listening more than talking usually because I have fewer recommendations these days.
You might have a touch of nice guy syndrome. I say that because your relationship framework seems to be transactional (e.g. I did the things society told me would get me women now why aren’t they knocking down my door and begging me to date them??).
Take a step back and ask yourself what you want in a relationship. Do you want someone who went to a top business school or someone who makes you feel completely at ease when you’re around them? I’m guessing/hoping the latter. Now understand that’s probably 95% of what your future partner wants in a relationship.
We live in a pretty toxic society when it comes to these expectations. Yes, some women are shallow and only date for money. Some men are shallow and only date for looks. It sounds like you are looking for something more real, so step outside of all the pedigree crap and just date for personality for a little and for the love of god, reduce your expectations that women owe you anything because of your job to ZERO.
Subject Expert
Are there girls that only date for money that common? How have I managed never to run into anyone like that in the real world
Coach
Is this satire
No, it’s not. It’s the life struggle of a young professional trying to balance financial, emotional and sexual needs.
Ask yourself why Big Law would make you attractive to someone and then read what you wrote again and I think there will be less of a disconnect.
Subject Expert
@A3 few people outside of law know what Biglaw is so it really doesn't signal anything. Normal people just assume all attorneys are rich
Mentor
You’ve “had your share of women?” When you view women as collectibles and you’re just trying to lock one down who won’t cause you too much trouble or expect anything from you, you sound like a real catch. /s
What exactly would someone get out of dating you? You don’t have time for a partner and you don’t want to contribute money or any mental or emotional energy. You’re basically looking for a pillow who has no wants, needs, or expectations of you. I can’t say I’m surprised you’re alone…
Mentor
^ now how does that work when you don’t have enough time for her to “enjoy your company?”
Maybe the ones you’re looking for are all dating men who don’t refer to them as “girls”…
Okay hitch
having time for your SO is kind of a minimum requirement of being in a relationship. If you’re constantly prioritizing things that are not your SO, then how could you blame them for not wanting to continue the relationship? You also talk about people who are able to put up with you not having time expecting to be “pampered” — what are you bringing to the relationship if you neither contribute time nor fun dates/adventures?
Associate OP, as a former big law global director, I get where you’re coming from - many of us feel that when we have achieved “enough” the people we always dreamed of will be attracted to us/ we will be magically happy. But it’s our individual (every day) choices that create the relationships we envision.
We all have a lot to learn about the opposite sex, insecurities to overcome, and self reflection to do so we can be the best version of ourselves. Along that journey, we end up attracting the people that will teach us what we like and don’t like.
I consider myself extremely career-driven and ambitious, and had to date someone who was “very busy and very important” to figure out that’s not what makes me feel good, or what makes a good partner. I also had to realize that my status and job title don’t make me superior or more desirable.
You may want to focus on identifying the characteristics that you want in a partner (eg, goes on hikes, is dependable, understanding, being a good listener and being open to other people’s perspectives) - and then work really hard at embodying those same characteristics yourself.
Doing this will put you in a much better position to attract a like-minded partner that matches your values - and when you find your special fish, it won’t matter whether you were “popular” with the ladies or not.
😂😂😂 ouch, but accurate
So here would be my thought process. If this is a person who has significant work demands when you’re naturally going to be on your best behavior (while dating), this is also a person with whom I would have to take on the majority of everything else: finances, housework, child rearing, etc. Sounds like you want someone more down to earth, which is great, but it takes a certain person to be willing to go with the flow even when they don’t feel like a priority. I get not wanting someone shallow, but they also have to see your work commitments as “worth it” for both of you down the road.
Makes perfect sense to me - in fact, it’s pretty insightful. Put another way, if you’re projecting in the earliest stages of dating (1) that aren’t willing or able to make time for someone due to your demanding job; and (2) that you’re tight-fisted even though you make decent $$, there aren’t going to be many takers.
Subject Expert
What is your question, my friend? If you’re dating shallow women who expect you to buy them things, then you’re picking the wrong women and that’s on you. I guaranty not all women are that way. Think about what it is that you filter for when you’re making dating choices and why that’s winding you up where you are.
Mentor
C1 couldn’t have said it better myself.
Most people stay in big law for pretty much three reasons: for the first 2-3 years, it's solely financial. For 3-6 it's financial. For 7+ it's ego. How many tombstones say "Associate was a Big Law Partner at XYZ Firm LLC." Likely none...life is too short to give up on certain familial goals...yes the money is fantastic, but after 3-5 years, you should have a nice nest egg to essentially live whatever comfortable life you want. Take advantage of that.
Mentor
At 7+ it’s lack of imagination
Subject Expert
Does anyone who isn’t a lawyer or in biglaw themselves even know what biglaw is?
OP probably carries around a printed version of the Vault 100 list
OP - you already completely lost me at the first sentence 🙄 i think you should rethink your assumption that “girls lose interest bc they seem me as a workaholic”
Idk, are you being super picky? Looking for someone at a certain age or an LA 10? If so, expand your age range and give more weight to personality over appearance and you make have better luck.
Workaholic*
Date based on personality and not looks. You will find smart, wonderful women. Some are just down the hall!