I understand and support the fact that parents often need to take a couple hours off during the day to attend to their kids needs (school pick up / drop off, practices, etc.) but definitely frustrating when those same parents then criticize team members for not being available at all times.

likehelpfulsmart
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Agreed 100%! Especially when they criticize single people for not being around at night (after they come back from “putting their kid to bed”). I need to date and workout you know… how do you expect I will get married and become a parent like you?

likefunnysmart

The answer is lowered expectations.

likesmartfunny

I get your upset but I hope you don’t think that when parents take time off to spend with their kids, that it’s leisure time. Working is way less tiring for me than spending time with my little ones. It’s def not fair to use kids as an excuse to slack at work, but the life priorities totally change around when you have kids. You will totally have a different attitude about this whole thing if you have kids, I promise.

likefunny

M1, that’s a wonderful sentiment. I’m well aware that children are a priority for parents. I fail to see how that is my problem. From my perspective, you tending to your kids is the same as you playing video games: you are doing something outside of work. I’m flexible. You work whatever hours you need in whatever capacity you need to get that done. However, I’m not going to be forced to work off hours or log back on at night or weekends because you chose to have children.

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Call them out on their hypocrisy

likefunny

or lie and say you also have a kid, that’s what i do. *taps temple

likefunnysmart

Some of these parents (by no means all of them) are not critical of team members for not being available at all times. They’re critical of other team members for not being available when THEY ARE. For declining the 7pm or 8pm calls.

Sorry, but I put in my 10 hours, while you were dealing with your kids/family. I’m not going to stay late, just because you need to catch up on the work you missed during business hours.

p.s. Nobody says those 2-3 “family support”hours are not important. But they’re not work hours.

likesmart

👏

That’s why I handle anything that requires a call or interaction during business hours, and then catch up on stuff I need to do personally after my kid is in bed. It’s poor form to expect people to be available late just because of my schedule.

like

Exactly. People without children also deserve flexibility in their work life etc

Huh I never really thought about this. Many of my coworkers have kids and they certainly do run off during the day a bunch. But whenever I have a small errand to run they always offer to take on my tasks while I’m gone or move things around to accommodate me. I guess I lucked out and take their decency for granted.

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Yup no complaints here, great people I work with.

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We need to be flexible to ALL of our teams life priorities (within reasonable boundaries). If you’re a parent, your kids are your priority. If you have sick parents or family, they might be your priority. Your health might be the priority (aka working our/therapy etc.). I hate that people try to make parenting/kids an exception but everyone else’s priorities are less than. Your lead is inconsiderate as far as I’m concerned.

likehelpful

SM3 THIS! 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

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Pre-Covid, my PML hassled me because i had to take my 15 yr old son to the dr. “He’s old enough. Can’t he drive himself?” He didn’t have a license and was still a minor.

A few weeks later, she took the entire day off to drive her adult husband to the dentist. I asked her the same question she asked me…

My query was not well-received.

funnylike

Perhaps it’s the world we live in, perhaps it’s just the inability people have to actually converse with someone face to face. But I have to imagine that nearly all the workplace challenges raised in this bowl would go away if someone would actually speak to the person they have a problem with directly.

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Have a kid. Problem solved.

likefunny

Or a good manager can make sure that as a rule deliverables and due dates are clear and hold to the SOW scope.

If you’re constantly having to be on call at all hours, work is being terribly mismanaged

like

Everyone here needs to learn one thing - assuming you’re a generally good worker producing your deliverables on schedule, it’s ok to say “that time doesn’t work for me, but I can connect at X or Y to discuss this”. You don’t need to offer your reason for being unavailable. Maybe Ive got a sick parent, maybe a BD call, maybe I just want to drink too much wine and watch the Bachelor and not think about work. It doesn’t matter, you set your own boundaries. As a junior I was afraid to say no to meetings like this until a mentor suggested trying it. The key is the offer of the alternative. Once I learned this, things got soooo much better for me. You’d be surprised how often these things end up resolved over email or with a quick phone call right now instead of later. Not always, but when this type of request from a parent becomes an exception instead of the norm, it’s a lot less annoying!

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Agree with this. This is how I’ve always operated my career- kids or no kids. Hasn’t been a problem. I can be flexible where needed. Luckily, that culture isn’t the norm on my team

Life’s too short, call them out. If not, reference a situation they complained about when they need leeway.

im not compromise my free time or feel bad for someone for a life decision they decided on making/having.

The issue isn’t how difficult it is to be a parent. The issue is that any parent could be so obtuse and without empathy in their professional life.

I find it troubling you're expected to be available "at all times." Any leader worth their salt respects boundaries, actually encourages you to take a break, and realizes you're not an automaton.

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