{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I want to try for a baby next year but am worried about the expense of a child, eps. living in Manhattan. Is it a thing to ask for a raise in this situation? (Cont.)", "post_id": "5dcd4eddc336b2002816006d", "reply_count": 51, "vote_count": 2, "bowl_id": "5976222cab932800101a9ca4", "bowl_name": "Women in Advertising" }

I want to try for a baby next year but am worried about the expense of a child, eps. living in Manhattan. Is it a thing to ask for a raise in this situation? (Cont.)

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No. You never ask for a raise because of your personal life. You ask based on your performance. You tell them you’ve done x and y and z and that you’d like to stay at the agency rather than jump to get more money, so you’d like a raise of x amount. You do not ask for a raise for the following reasons (ones I’ve heard): - my boyfriend moved to DC so I need money to visit him on weekends - I want to buy a nicer car - I want to have another kid - daycare costs went up - my spouse lost their job - my roommate makes more than I do Ugh. No. That’s not how life works.

likesmarthelpfuluplifting

Agree with all... you can’t use your life as a reason for a raise. Justify it in your performance and review. But I will say I’m a single mom with no help from her dad. Live in Manhattan, pay an obscene amount for daycare and have two dogs. If I can make it work alone you can with a husband. I know another woman who is solo and works for the DOT (ie. Insanely low salary) and has two kids, and that was through artificial insemination so no dad in the picture at all. Her kids are in my daycare... she makes it work. Kids are expensive no matter where you live ... you adjust your other expenses, you make changes in lifestyle, you do the research to find affordable care etc. it’s completely doable. Happy to chat directly if helpful. And no matter the challenge having a kid is so amazing and fun. I never thought I would and thrilled I had an ‘accident’ 😊

likeuplifting

Thank you for your response- you are goals!! 🙌🏻🙌🏻

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I agree with all the above comments. But OP, almost no one thinks they can afford a kid or juggle “it all. “. The reality is most of us figure it out and make it up as we go along, very imperfectly. It’s a mad juggling act and plates occasionally fall and break. But if you love your kid (which you will beyond comprehension) and your partner, you’ll figure it out. Perhaps start thinking about how to downsize your life and expenses on your current salaries. Move to less expensive area, cut expenses, save $, freelance, etc.

likehelpful

H2 that’s good to know!

This logic for a raise is infuriating. I’ve seen it in here a few times and every time I shake my head 🙅‍♀️

likesmart

Honestly, you’re not wrong. I’ve heard that for fathers as well, although not in last few years. Never for mothers.

(Women looking out for other women is my favourite thing. Had a shitty day and feeling out of love with this industry, but just came to say that all the support for this OP is totally uplifting)

likeuplifting

I know I actually cried a little 😭😭😭

☝🏻1000%

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Unfortunately the fastest way to get a big salary bump is by moving agencies.

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Hi!! I work at 200 Hudson and I am a mom with an almost 2 year old. If you’re feeling up to it I would be more then happy to grab coffee (no pressure). Find me in visual directory 😊

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Thank you that’s so sweet ❤️

I didn’t read all the comments but please remember you need to be at an agency for a year prior to going into labor, to qualify for FMLA protected/paid leave.

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I think it’s worth noting that no one feels financially ready to have a kid but you will make it happen, regardless of raise. Your lifestyle will change dramatically and money distribution gets reprioritized. Just wanted to send words of encouragement that you can make it happen!

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Thank you!

Lots of great advice here already. I’ll just add that if you are willing to explore other opportunities, I heard that Horizon is launching a subsidized childcare program. I don’t work there so I don’t know any details on the program or their openings but that would have been so helpful when my kids were younger.

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Good to know! Thanks 🙏🏻

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Absolutely DO NOT tell them you need a raise because you want to have a baby. You ask for a raise because you deserve one, period—and it sounds like you do. Do not mention your personal life. That’s not their problem or responsibility.

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One thought... sometimes flexibility can outweigh the extra $15-20k you could make somewhere else. There will be days you need to stay home, leave early, etc. and it’s WAY easier if you have already built Trust with your team - they know you are still solid and that you just have to take care of your family... Vs trying to prove yourself at a new place and be a new parent. Not saying to not take it if you find something amazing of course but just something to consider. I have small kids and it’s been invaluable to have that working for me.

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Yes, I’ve thought about that too. And I do have a lot of flexibility in my current role.

OP, pregnant lady here 👋🏼. My husband and I were shocked at the expenses before baby has even arrived (due any day) but you live and learn and make it work. My body has been through a lot and I’m on 5 medications to deal and the baby hasn’t even come yet. I’m not special, a lot of women deal with medical needs before. How would Havas handle that? If you were on bed rest, would they support you? How’s their maternity leave and fertility help policies? Do they have an FSA to pay into or a tax free childcare program? It’s not just about money from your job, it’s about a lot of supporting factors. Havas won’t care if hubby has a low sperm count. It’s time to look after YOU and your family needs. I agree with the advice of posters here, but at the end of the day, mother’s are sort of a burden to an agency (trust me, I feel like I’m failing every day as I get more exhausted, bigger, and less interested in shit). But my job has a great fertility aid program, mat leave policy, insurance, etc. so I stay and try my best. If Havas does not have that stuff, and they pay you less, time to be realistic. Good luck to you and your family! You can do it.

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Thanks for your reply and congratulations! I need to dive deeper into our parental policies and benefits. You’re right, that will be a huge deciding factor. I really don’t want to leave, but at the end of the day I need to put myself first. Really appreciate your advice!

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And I realize it’s a stupid question for those shaking their heads, but some people at my office were giving that advice and it didn’t feel right ... hence, ask fishbowl.

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You can tell them that you did some looking and those were the salaries you saw/talked about, but that you want to stay because you are excited about x, y and z. But you don’t have to get another offer until you are serious about leaving if they don’t give you a raise. If they say no, btw, it’s kind of understood you will then be looking. On the baby front, there’s a book called “Baby Bargains” that helps sort out the real costs.

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Thank you! Appreciate the advice, and I will check out that book. Motherhood is that one thing in my life that I can’t wrap my head around logistically. I’m very type-A and I suspect that will go out the window when a baby arrives!

NY is tough. Everything is expensive and it seems like there’s nowhere to save other than never leaving the house. Did you and your husband consider another market? I moved to minneapolis to have my baby and honestly can’t imagine how I would have done a lot of it in NY. It’s not just the money, it’s the respect for work life balance. That said, loads of friends made it work in NY. But if you’d ever consider moving to a market like Chicago or MInneapolis, this is probably a good window to do it. Agree you can’t ask for a raise based on personal issues. Find the best money, leave and benefits situation you can for yourself.

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Good luck OP!! I’m at a similar point in my life, wanting to start a family soon but totally overwhelmed by the thought of the extra expense and managing in NY. Go get that raise because you’re a hardworking, high performing badass!

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Currently pregnant and I’ll be honest, I wish I changed jobs beforehand. I’m quite underpaid for my experience and I now feel stuck until after the baby is here. My company has great benefits, though, so it’s hard to justify leaving when maternity leave would not be a guarantee elsewhere. But if I could rewind, I would’ve left a few months ago.

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I had both my kids while at agencies (seconding that the only way to get a real salary bump is to find a new job) and wish I had gone client side earlier. Way better work-life balance and benefits like dependent care FSAs as well as discounted childcare. Just go in-house somewhere and get that 4 months maternity leave vs begging them to let you take all your vacation days.

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