I wanted to give an update on those active on a post I did about my mom asking me to loan her $150K. I told her last night it wasn’t happening and she was SALTY. She went on about how when I move out, I must take everything to not waste her space and how not to ask for money when I get a place. Funny thing is my parents raised me to not loan money out cuz it breaks relationships and the feeling of owing us just eh. This made me want to move out faster. She is going to up rent to $1500 too 😭

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Wow. Seeing that Asian parents charge their kids for rent is hard to digest. For $1500, you can def get something on your own and not have to put up with the toxic vibes.

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I give my parents $2k every month plus $1k more for holidays. I live at home. Does the categorization matter, we're not accountants lol... Money is money. My mom can call it rent, support, food, anything she wants... Not sure why I would care

Sorry to hear that OP, I have a great relationship with my parents but they also embraced western culture when they immigrated to the US. I know many friends who sadly don't have great relationships... Sending love and prayers your way! 🙂🙏🏼

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Get that, my moms a bit crazy too

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Recent IconRecent

@C2 Still picking dumb fights and making a complete fool of yourself?

This bowl is for memes, news, and asking for insights - it's not a forum for you to act out on whatever weird hangups you have.

Log off and go get some fresh air & sun. ✌🏽

likefunny

That’s for the support SC1. I was very confused to open this hours later seeing all this hate from C2. I threw my last words in to clarify but will ultimately let C2 believe whatever they want. People like that can only be dealt with that way. Let them believe whatever they want to help sleep tonight right? Lol

likefunny

Oh dear, sorry to hear OP. I thought my relationship with my mom was bad enough, but my mom’d never charge me rent if I decided to move back home. Hope you find your new place and continue your success. I don’t know any other details but I’d just say, sometimes just because someone is related to you by blood doesn’t mean they are truly your family, because family is supposed to support each other, and that’s why some people have to cut their parents out

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Trust me when it comes to money it ain’t worth it. We all work hard so we don’t have to struggle and stress like this. Understand parents deserve some sort of support but 150 k too much. To be honest my parents were the same way so I dipped. Because I dipped I was able to stand myself up and eventually just start paying for some of their bills now. But I don’t do it for them I do it for me. You also need disconnect any connection to their accounts (not sure cuz I’m not reading through 1000comments).I think the fact that amount is so big and you can’t see their finances I’m sure their finances are in dire straits. Compared to that 150k is a great chance to start over for them. If you have them money the question becomes can they even manage the money correctly of manage to waste your 150k. I’d rather spend my time helping them through their issues the right way then putting belief they would manage it correctly. Also if they charging your rent.... that means they already taking advantage or seriously having issues with their finances. Remember before they had you, they managed to stay afloat. Why they need you now? I’m sure I’ll get toasted by folks here but this is my personal experience.

It may also be time to ask her if she wants to see her future grand children or not 😉

funny

I’ve hinted they might not even get any 😂
But they’ve also said they don’t wanna babysit so it’s a win win?

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OP I support you, but agree you should probably move out. My understanding is you're not bothered that you pay rent, but that the reason they're upping your rent is out of spite. That's not a healthy relationship.
150k is a lot of money. People saying it's not are grossly out of touch with reality.

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Thanks P4. But yes, it’s out of spite and their belief of after two years, landlords naturally up the rent. I’m just praying I find a place soon so I won’t have to deal with my mom much longer

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Where do you live??? You can get studios in NYC for $1.5K now tf

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I’ve seen some decent 2 BR apartments for rent for under $3K and 1BRs for under $2K in downtown Manhattan on Streeteasy. As an interim, I’d just get an apartment first and get out of that home environment ASAP 😥 Hope everything works out, OP!

helpful

Every family is different, their relationships and dynamics, so I am not going to judge. That said, if my parents wanted 150K to pay off the house, I would give it to them in a second. No loan. No interest. No additional questions asked (potentially due to my ability to do so plus the relationship that I have with them)

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Same

I didnt read the entire thread but i saw the comment about saving on mortgage.

Instead of saying you dont want to for xyz reason, say that you think that you'll get a better return in the market / something greater than 3pc and would rather put the money there.

That said id throw my body in front of a train for my mom.

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Geez; OP come move to DC you can get a 2bd 2b luxury apartment for under $3K a month total 😂 plus everything is cheaper here than NY. If you're splitting you won't hit $1500 even after your utilities

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Wait, they're asking you to pay rent? I would happily loan then 150k (if i had it) but raise interest and have my name added as a co owner. 150k is a a long time to pay, but if it means house ownership in the future, and I get to rent it out, why not. 😂

likefunny

Exactly A3!!!

OP you do you! You have your own definition of what is toxic to you and you don’t need affirmation from anyone on this thread. Don’t let anyone tell you what you are feeling is invalid. You don’t need to please anyone else other than yourself! Good luck 👍

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I would give my parents 150k if they needed it. What’s the loan for ?

likeuplifting

Didn't OP mention that she has a brother? Did he recently ask your parents for money for something so that your parents feel the need to free up cash flow?

Do the math and pay her the difference in interest from the 3% and .5% rates so that this difference can be applied to the principal. Once you show her the amortization math she'll leave you alone.

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If you really think that she only cares about the interest, just give her the extra 2.5% or $4k this year and end the conversation.

Maybe its time to move out

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It’s safer now. Just be careful about contacting the movers.

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Just curious what are they using the loan for? If my parents were in a bad financial situation and needed some money I'd be more than happy to help but if they wanted money to use for gambling im obviously not contributing

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I see, sounds like OP is in a tough spot

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Are your parents selfish, generally speaking? How “giving” are they to other people, including their loved ones?

Because from the sound of it, they are incredibly selfish and not giving whatsoever.

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@OP: something my parents always taught me is to never expect anything in the same value or more from someone when you give to them.

I say that for you to tell your bf to be a good person regardless if the receiver of the gift may not necessarily think or do the same for others. If he passionately wants to give something of great value to your mom, he should do so in the kindness of his heart.

This mindset really has put things in perspective for me. I love giving to people; it makes me happy. that said, I’ve given things to family who I’ve felt were really selfish deep down.

likesmart

OP - did your parents pay for your education, and otherwise take care of you and were good parents?

Are they struggling financially?
When did you start paying rent to your parents?

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C2, what sob story are you even referring to? Not once did I say anything as a cry for help... I’m staying facts as they are and providing more context to those that are curious. I never said I was in the right. I’m just curious to hear if anyone else has experiences like this since that what bowls here are for...

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I think you’re the daughter? Not sure what your family nationality is but in certain places in China, parents tend to squeeze everything off the daughter and spoil their son. Usually in Chinese families, parents tend to give much more to their children and don’t expect anything in return. If you feel that your parents treat your brother better, you should worry about if the loaned money will ever be returned...

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They 100% treat him way better. That was a deciding factor too. They weren’t always the most loving towards me so why risk that sum on people like that?

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I have no strong advice to give here but I’m wishing you the best because this is a hard situation to navigate!

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