{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I was a stay at home mom for 10 years; had 4 children & helped my husband build a decent non legal business. I started my PI practice at end of 2019. I did great in 2020. Unexpectedly I developed inappropriate feelings for a mentor over zoom. We decided to stop working together and started therapy. I faced my horrible childhood trauma, gained confidence and realized how terrible my marriage is. Husband admits mistreating me & regrets taking advantage but thinks I’m unfair for wanting a divorce.", "post_id": "601615da9dd89f00248cc06a", "reply_count": 31, "vote_count": 12, "bowl_id": "5e8656b80bdab1002a7355dc", "bowl_name": "Confession " }

I was a stay at home mom for 10 years; had 4 children & helped my husband build a decent non legal business. I started my PI practice at end of 2019. I did great in 2020. Unexpectedly I developed inappropriate feelings for a mentor over zoom. We decided to stop working together and started therapy. I faced my horrible childhood trauma, gained confidence and realized how terrible my marriage is. Husband admits mistreating me & regrets taking advantage but thinks I’m unfair for wanting a divorce.

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Don’t be afraid to get a divorce if you’re not happy. If you think he can really change then you could give him a shot by waiting a bit. But be careful, because it can be hard to get the courage again. I would also consider finances. How much money does his business bring in and how much would you get in assets in divorce settlement plus spousal and child support? Is it enough for you to live comfortably? And do you think that if you give him a chance and wait he would use this time to do something shady with money? I was also a stay at home mom for 10 years when I got divorce. I went back to practice right away but my ex used that to tank his own business. Now he sits on his ass all day while I work long hours and pay for everything. For child support courts don’t care how long you were a stay at home mom just how much you each make now. In CA at least.

Yes so you’re right to do it now that you’re both amicable. In case he changes his mind and you end up in a contentious divorce.

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I said this once and will say it again: marriage is overrated. The idea of being in an intimate relationship, let alone an exclusive one, for decades upon decades is a result of social conditioning and not human instincts. It’s normal for one’s sexual attraction and desires to evolve over our lifespan, such as every other facet of our personal lives.

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I was only pointing out the fact that it was an opinion. Not to mention, the oldest civilizations in the world treat marriage how i described. They have likely learned something the western cultures have not yet. Yes, there are special cases in every situation, but you’re talking about those special situations as if they are the norm. Not true. I’m simply saying a two parent household has far more positive effects on children. Have a good day.

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Sorry to hear you are going through this. You need to do what is best for you and your children. Hugs.

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Sounds like you have it under control. Four kids (I’m assuming between 0 and 10) is a lot to be coparenting but not impossible. Good luck.

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Thank you!!

Do you think it will be easier being a single mom and do you think your husband can change?

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This was one the hardest thing I ever experienced. It was very difficult and I see how people can suffer from depression and need medication. Facing ourselves and our past is necessary for our mental health and strength.

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How had no one else asked about the “decent non legal business”?? I’m so curious here op. Please share!!

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But what was this non legal business? Sorry if I’m missing something here. Also lol. I’m pretty sure everyone though private investigator.

Wow 😳 that’s an incredible journey to realization. Are you going to pick back up with the mentor when the dust settles?

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Great question. I would love to. But, he’s married and I developed such an addiction to him I could not maintain professionalism. I have discovered a side of me that’s not the “good girl” I have always been. I would like to explore that side safely; without obsessing. My feelings for him triggered some childhood abuse symptoms that I did a great job of suppressing but now that I’m aware I am working on them. Healthy choices.

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When we die, our spouses, nor anyone else on this planet goes with us. Don’t let someone make a decision for you. Weigh the options and make a decision that is best for you and least impactful on the kids. I am a father of 5 kids, from two marriages. Many lessons learned. Most important one...if you aren’t happy, not a soul around you will be either.

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Thank you! I have learned the same about being happy. We have to be authentic as we possibly can.

Is he willing to go to counseling?

Yes, but I am not. He recognized my fragility and even during pregnancies when I was emotionally weak he chose to be harsh. I love him like a brother. We were together 15 years and I gave so much loyalty and hard work and love. I don’t have anything left for him. He agrees to an amicable divorce and is hoping we will get back together one day.

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