I was in a meeting where we all briefly turned on our cameras for introductions. A black woman turned hers on and introduced herself. She had tight curls. A white woman said “I love your hair!” She replied “Thanks!”. Then the woman replied, “If I pulled it, would it bounce right back?”.

The other employee did not answer but laughed and then turned off her camera.

I don’t know their familiarity with one another but this honestly made me so uncomfortable. What are your reactions?

likefunnyhelpfulupliftingsmart
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Just don't make comments on other 's people appearance. Never. It is totally irrelevant for a work environment and we don't have to keep this being a subject.

likehelpful

This! Even if you think it's a compliment. Compliment their performance at work instead.

likehelpful

Just keep it brief, I don’t mind compliments about my hair. Just don’t ask questions. The curiosity makes it awkward becuase there are so many things we can do with our hair and the more people probe the more curious they get and it’s like all eyes on you - this leads to shock about adding hair, invasive questions about the type; just embarrassing.

I got my hair done, went to my team meeting eveyone was staring “how long did that take” “does it hurt” “how long will it last” *one coworker who has no boundries touched it and said “oh I love it!”

I work in a multicultural environment. Almost eveyone is from a different country or 1st generation it’s just I hate that much attention.

Just go to YouTube and Google “black hair” and you can get all the tea lol I don’t know why people don’t just do that.

likesmart

C1 it’s definitely ok to have these thoughts. I think it all just needs to happen in personal relationships. If you have friends who are different you most definitely will end up sharing or talking about this stuff and its more genuine and you don’t have to be afraid. I don’t believe in silencing people, everyone is different and has a perceptive and experience. But yes Google is there and if you are curious its easy to find out. I do it all day lol

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Recent IconRecent

News flash, women like talking about hair. No reason to be uptight or offended by this.

likefunnysmarthelpful

Its inappropriate and work is definitely not the place for a comment like that.

Oooof. Sounds like your org could use some D&I training..

likesmarthelpful

I think yearly training is not enough and that's possibility a part of the problem. Perhaps having interactive conversation amongst colleagues could foster more understanding. Just my two cents.

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Big yikes

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“If I pulled your hair Sharon, would it fall out from all the box bleach you use in it?”

likefunny

😬😬😬

First comment was fine- if a little bit weird if the white colleague didnt compliment anyone else. Second one is major cringe.

like

Sounds like someone who would go up to someone and touch their hair 😬

likefunny

That was bad. If it were me, I'd reach out to the woman who received the comment and just acknowledge that it was weird and I'm sorry that happened. Sometimes, the feeling that no one else understands it was inappropriate is what really gets you down

likehelpful

It was a very unnecessary question/statement and honestly something that Black women are tried of

likehelpful

I don’t care.

It was a AB conversation, so I’ll C my way out of it.

likefunny

CDK Global Inc 1, have you missed the part where she said « If I pulled it, would it bounce right back ? » 🙄

This post is very timely for me. I have told a female colleague in the past, African-American, how much I loved her hair. That was the only comment. However with all the focus for white privilege and D&I efforts, did I possibly offend her?
If only the first comment was made I thought it was okay but the second one was out of line.

likesmart

I appreciate a compliment about my hair, especially after the money and time I spent on it ☺️. But follow up questions is what the internet is for.

likefunny

People comment on my hair and touch it all the time without asking my permission and I am a white woman with red hair. I am on regular work calls where people comment on my hair that day 'looking very fiery today', shit like that. I think it's a genuine lack of self awareness from the person making the comment, and on work calls especially, why would you ever say something like that?

like

I'm honestly sorry that you are experiencing this. That is awful.

like

I thought remote would have improved this type of interactions since you can’t physically touch somebody, turns out you can always ask very cringy questions to make up for it 🤦

likefunny

What is this 1999???

likefunny

In 2022, the white lady should absolutely know better. I bet she wouldn't hesitate to test her question if in office and pull the black lady's hair. Inappropriate

like

OP, did you or anyone else in the meeting say anything in the moment? I’m thinking about what I would have said, it’s tough. But I feel like it would be good to have said something in the moment that is non confrontational yet makes the point that the comment isn’t appropriate. I’ve learned that everyone not saying anything can be equally damaging as whatever microaggression that occurred. One of my go-to comments is ‘what did you mean by that?’, but it doesn’t really fit quite right here.

like

Saying something draws more attention to the person who *possibly took offense. If she didn’t get offended, then going back to it is awkward; if she was slightly put off, going back to it highlights it. Maybe ping the person who made the comment to explain why it *might be upsetting, and/or ping the woman it was said to privately to check how the comment impacted her.

likesmart

The compliment was fine. The Q was rude and either full tilt (or borderline if we’re being generous) racist. Some people are truly tone deaf.

likefunny

cringe
see, this is why we can't have nice things

likefunny

Recruiter 1, have you read the women’s question ? “If I pulled it, would it bounce back?” What kind of question is that, especially during a work meeting? As a white woman you can’t compare your experiences to those of black women. I don’t think you know what it feels like to have your hair under constant scrutiny, to be asked invasive and stupid questions all the time (is it real? does it bounce back? Do you wash them?) to be looked at as some form of exotic creatures or be seen as unprofessional because of your hair.

likesmarthelpful

Actually I do. I embrace my curls now but in my 20’s and early 30’s I often used to straighten it. Every time I had a job interview or important meeting, I would straighten it, I felt people took me more serious. People often commented how nice my hair was when I straightened it, I would say ‘thanks, my natural hair is curly, not this’.
However I find some women are just curious about my curls and I get asked silly questions sometimes, which I find innocent. So I took this for an innocent question, not the same comments I would hear when I straightened my hair so people would take me seriously.
To those who think this is a silly conversation, it’s not. I don’t pretend to have the same experience but I’m only saying I also had not so pleasant experiences.

funny

If someone said that to me I would want to crawl under a rock. Let’s have a conversation about my curls while we’re on a group call. No one has zoom meetings expecting to be asked personal questions about their appearance, esp such a specific one about hair. So awkward and too much attention. Just stop.

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