I was pretty disappointed by the effort my boyfriend put into my birthday - he got me a card and a book of puzzles and that was it. Should I say something to him? I’ve already started trying to make some exciting plans for his birthday and just feel really let down by his effort

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Men drive me up the wall

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Damn who hurt you 😂

Did you communicate your expectations around birthdays?

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"I'm not a mind reader so I literally had no way of finding out what you wanted to do for your birthday" when literally all it would take it: "hey, you're bday is in a couple weeks. What would you like to do"

Communicate disappointment
See his reaction , if improvement good
If not, dump his ass

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Birthdays are not meant to be celebrated. You're getting older and you have one less year to live.

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Grew up in a family that barely celebrated birthdays/often forgot and kept everything super lowkey. Very well could just be how he’s conducted these events in the past.

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My husband made dinner reservations for my birthday. A present doesn't cross his mind. Don't get me started about Christmas. Yes, he's an idiot. Meanwhile, I do just order what I want and celebrate me because I know he won't. If you want the person to make a big deal, find that person, otherwise accept that's who they are and celebrate yourself

Or maybe she still loves him and saying “he’s an idiot” is in jest.

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When was the last time you were happy with the effort he put in for something on your behalf? I would ask myself that.

I wish I had good advice for you. With my ex, I would always go all out with gifts and heart felt cards for his birthday/Valentines/Christmas/graduation. He would often not even think about what gift to get until a week after the event, or not get anything, or not even write a card. I talked about this with him once after he didn’t get me a birthday gift or even a card and expressed that it made me feel shitty. He tried to turn it on me and act like I was being materialistic. He did end up giving me a gift a month late (that I had to pick out myself) but then failed to learn from this for the following holidays. Yet would expect really nice stuff from me (i.e., Valentine’s day, sends me a link to a $200 vintage jersey he wants, but gets nothing for me. Not even flowers. Not even a card). I told him for graduation from my MS program that I would appreciate a handwritten letter. He gave me one a month late and the contents were very short and stupid, written on a Christmas card. My point is people like this don’t seem to learn their lessons. If you love him, you can try to communicate your frustration, but you might have to accept that it’s how he is for whatever reason.

How long have you all been in a relationship? Is this the first birthday you all are celebrating together? Sometimes people just don’t know. If he’s not big on birthdays and you never mentioned that you were big on birthdays then he probably genuinely didn’t think you’d be disappointed. Know better, do better. Tell him, so next year he’ll do better.

I would say that in general, guys don't put as much focus on celebrating their birthday as women do. My bf likes to get beers with his buddies and do a golf simulator and that's it, unless it's a milestone birthday. Did you have a larger celebration planned with friends or family?

I would just say that you are disappointed in how you celebrated your birthday and that you would have preferred XYZ instead.

It also sounds like you two may have different love languages. From a previous reply, it sounds like you want him to make you food (acts of service), but he provided a gift. So make sure you guys are on the same page as to what your love languages are.

Yeah this was me for 5 years …. So relatable
I don’t understand why men don’t put in effort if you in a relationship w them. Once you break up, then they still want you ….and will start putting in efforts ….talk to him… I did but it didn’t get through.

Relationships are complicated and some things require practice like “not setting up certain expectations because you will be disappointed. Get to know each other’s love language is PARAMOUNT and believe when I tell you; it makes a critical difference. Gracefully accept the gift then communicate your wants to him for your birthday then see how he takes it.

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