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Subject Expert
And before someone suggests it, there is no way in hell I’m going to talk to partners about what happened. Only one person in my life knows, I’m definitely not going to tell people at work.
Agreed. Btw my suggestion below is just mentioning generally a mental health issue not giving any details.
First off, I’m so sorry. You need to find a way to take some time off, Partners will expect the same work quality/effort from you if they don’t know you have something going on in your personal life (which is totally your choice not to tell them). Maybe frame it as a mental health leave and leave it vague.
Agree. They need to know something is going on. I've mentioned going through "health issues" and "personal matters" before. I think most people are reasonable and will not pry other than wanting to know you're okay and how much time you need. I'm so sorry you're going through this and having to deal with potential repercussions at work on top of it, but please take care of yourself first!
Mentor
I had a similar situation with a divorce from my abusive husband. My work deteriorated, my hours dropped, and I was clearly a train wreck. A partner walked into my office once morning to berate me about a sh*tty draft I’d submitted and I just totally broke down. He asked why I didn’t say anything sooner. I was mad about that, but he had a point. I didn’t have to tell him k was being stalked and harassed and was afraid for my life. All I had to say was that I had a severe personal issue going on and needed some help navigating it with respect to work. Hang in there, OP, abd feel free to message me if you want to discuss options.
Also, not the same issue, but earlier this year one of my friends took their own life and my work quality took a hit. I was determined not to tell anyone but essentially broke down on the phone with a counsel I worked with after completely skipping a call I forgot about. It really helped to not have to feel like I had to hide what was going on all day and made it much easier to work. They were also super understanding on me taking some time off.
Subject Expert
I’m sorry for your loss, thank you for sharing.
I am sorry that happened to you and 100% agree with your message re: partners cutting some slack to associates. Not saying this is your fault, but have you tried talking to a mentor to tell them that you are going through an rough patch mental-health wise? And maybe consider asking for reduced hours so you have less stress on that end? That might help you feel less pressured to perform to your usual levels.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ve cried at work to superiors for much less and have not been judged for it. Anyone who would isnt someone you want to work for.
Mentor
You need to get put on protected medical leave. You d onto have to tell your work what happened. Have your doctor write a note for HR.
Use your employer's EAP to get counseling.
I’m not in any way advocating that you tell people who you are uncomfortable telling, but I think you have to communicate through some channel that *something* significant has happened and you need time to address it - people have no way of knowing that you’re dealing with a circumstance if you don’t communicate, so naturally they’re going to expect things to continue as they have.
I agree with other posts that suggest talking to HR or a mentor or some other avenue.
Have you thought about asking you psych to request short term disability for you? This will give you time to focus on yourself. Alternatively you could see if you could go part time.
Subject Expert
I’m so sorry.
Definitely look into taking reduced pace for a while. I think you can be vague and say you're struggling with your mental health. Taking reduced pace for mental health struggles happens all the time in big law, this is something they have experience with from an administrative perspective.
I'm not sure if they ask for a doctor's note, but if they do, it's not like the note has to indicate the cause of your symptoms. It can probably just say you are struggling with depression or anxiety and describe the symptoms.
As for talking to partners specifically, I don't think you even need to be as specific as saying you're struggling with your mental health. You can just say you're going through a really difficult time in your personal life.