{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "I washed and folded the baby’s laundry, washed the bottles, took out garbage and konmari’ed half of my closet... all while hubby napped after dinner. Now I’m so annoyed I married a lazy man child 😪😤", "post_id": "5d6c8e4cdc886a00248ea0f9", "reply_count": 24, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "58f81646ae9f610010f869be", "bowl_name": "Consulting Moms" }

I washed and folded the baby’s laundry, washed the bottles, took out garbage and konmari’ed half of my closet... all while hubby napped after dinner. Now I’m so annoyed I married a lazy man child 😪😤

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So was I, so I divorced him. I now have two housemates and they’re awesome. They act like adults. We communicate well. They cook and clean and walk the dogs. They’re freelancers so their income is stable, but irregular. I’m the “breadwinner” and I also cook and cook and clean, but nearly as much as I used to. I give them cheap, flexible rent, they do the domestic stuff I don’t have time for. When I was married I felt like a single mom, we have two boys who were 2 and 4 when I left a couple of years ago, we have a 60/40 custody split. I love my kids, and I loved my husband, but I did NOT love playing Susie homemaker 40-50 hours a week on top of my job. I had no social life, no hobbies, it sucked. Now I have free time, hobbies, and more time to focus on work. When I have my kids, I shut down at 5:15, period. When I don’t have my kids, I usually work until 7 or 8 p.m.

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D1, He does, at the time I was an associate making about 65k to his 125k, so while I was struggling to get ahead, he treated my job like a “hobby”, and his job like a real job. The irony was that he’d ended his previous relationship because his partner wasn’t as ambitious as he was. He was attracted to my ambition, but wasn’t willing to do the domestic work trade off necessary to support my career goals. Now he pays child support, we each have our own homes, each have the kids half the week, and recently started getting along better. If he’d done the 40% of parenting and domestic labor when we were married, we may not have ended up divorced.

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This is our one repetitive argument, but then when I think rationally, I realize that hubby and I do similar amounts of work, just split and at different times. Ex: I’m a morning person but get annoyed when he sleeps in while I’m up with kids, have cleaned kitchen, started laundry, etc. But then I’ll go to bed early and he takes out trash, organizes entryway, picks up toys. Any chance yours is similar? The other thing I’ll mention is that the first year with a new kid is really hard and I found myself resentful when I’d get up with baby more than him (I nursed and loved it but it was exhausting!). You mention baby clothes so I’m guessing you’re in there. For me things got so much better after the first year!

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I’ve been married 10 years with 4 kids. My husband is great but I definitely carry the mental load in our relationship. I think women are just inherently better multitaskers or at least I am and my husband is a single tasker to a fault. I have to make him lists and he never minds doing the stuff and even though I get really resentful that I have to ask him to do stuff around the house, that’s how it gets done. So I can not say anything and get angry when stuff doesn’t get done or I can make him a list and have it get done. We also recently did outsource house cleaning and it’s kind of been amazing. No more resentment around cleaning the house. I definitely recommend talking to him about it and setting up a system now so that stuff doesn’t fester. Good luck!

Can’t you outsource? You will never remember the days you cleaned the house.. you will always remember the days you and your family had fun! I had a friend hire a nanny per say who came in for a couple hours every day and helped with bottles, baby clothes, cleaning the nursery, etc. and it took away a lot of effort.. Konmari’ing closet is something you added on ur plate.. I could live without it if I was not doing it for my happiness but doing it while being mad at my husband. I don’t think it should be a joint activity. For someone like me Konmari method is more stressful than relaxing honestly. You can be direct with ur husband and ask him to do certain tasks . May be it does not click him. Not something to test him on - just be direct.

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We have a 12 week old. We had several ‘chats’ about splitting things and then one final blowup and things are muuuuuuch better. My husband straight up just needed a list of what I needed done, because he genuinely didn’t get/see it. It was annoying at first, but now he does his tasks totally independently. And because he’s more involved, he’s starting to see the other stuff that has to get done on his own and just jumps in and does it.

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I don’t disagree but my husband caught on pretty quick and I don’t make the list 24/7 anymore. And while there is work involved with making the list, it’s way less draining to me than being pissed off snd overworked 24/7.

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My oldest daughter went through phases were she nursed all.the.time. Husband was good about taking care of other things but left all things to do with my daughter to me- feeding, changing, getting up at night. I really didn’t care if we ate pizza or he cooked a gourmet meal, but cooking was his way of contributing we’re he felt helpless with the baby. Different perspectives! One time I’d just finished an epic feed session and had to go to the bathroom, bad. I ran down the hall carrying baby and handed her off to husband as he passed by. He said “you’re welcome.” I LOST it. Why I needed to say thank you to him for taking care of the baby for 2 minutes while I peed was beyond me. Still makes me mad, 9years later!

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Outline three chores for him and post it on the fridge. Then get into therapy now.

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When I had a new baby I got very resentful of my husband and thought about divorce when I felt like things were inequitable. A few years on we are happy and our kids are bigger, just don’t throw in the towel prematurely it is a hard time for everyone...

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Same same same. Even down to the mother in law point. It didn’t help I took a very long mat leave and wanted to “play” stay at home mom, which got him used to me doing everything. When headed back to work I found a thing online about slitting of household chores - one page was all non kids stuff and then one was kids, and it even broke it down daily through the week. It helped a lot to open his eyes to all the stuff I was doing. He got better... And he still goes in waves of helpfulness, when it dips I tell him we need to revisit the chart. and I hate that I have to ask for things that I think are obvious, but I do. And then it gets done. I forget this a lot and when I’m getting frustrated I have to remind myself to communicate Lastly, I finally calmly asked him one time on a week where our house was a disaster in my eyes and he was laying around... “I’m genuinely interested - are you comfortable with the state of our house now? “ tone was KEY so I didn’t set off a fight, but it was an eye opening conversation to hear that of the 50 things bothering me only like 3 stood out to him and he figured we could tackle them later in the evening. I guess I’d just say to try different ways of communicating until you figure out what works. And try to come from a place of assuming no mal intent

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Do you have a link to that online chart?

Did you ask your husband for help?

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ATK1 and PwC2 you give me hope. I ask him to help on tasks all the time but if I don’t ask, he doesn’t see it. We have had several fights about this already, and last night I told him I just want to feel like an equal partner in managing the household. He said that when I bring up all the ways he sucks at this (his words, not mine), he feels less inclined to help. He thinks I don’t appreciate the ways he contributes, of course I do, and I’m pretty sure I’ve expressed gratitude every time he completes a project or task. Sigh.

Honestly I could have written your post myself about 2 weeks ago. It’s a recent improvement for us :) but if it makes you feel better, he just went and put the baby down for her nap on his own (bc he gets her schedule and cues now) and took the vacuum out of the closet and vacuumed unprompted. We also have a straight up chores schedule on the fridge, so he knows today is bathrooms and vacuum the stairs & carpet. He also knows that daily, we clean the kitchen, clean up baby toys, do laundry (and put it away!). So he can just jump in

read Drop the Ball

I give my husband a to-do-list each day so he knows what needs to be done before he starts his own things

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