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Bite the bullet and split the costs. But do check if the hotel really cost 900 $$ a night. That's a lot!! Also, if you have common friends, pay attention to what this "gentleman" is telling (or not telling) everyone.
Chief
Expensive lesson but paying is a clear and firm way to reel the narrative back your way and demonstrate consistency. He isn’t following up because he’s an unsatisfied slimeball — he’s following up because YOU said you’d go 50/50. Be true to your word and then cut him out
Ok all emotions aside. Let’s stick to logic for a second. You went down there with a friend thinking it’ll be a fun trip and were forth front about the cost and savings prior to going. He should have shared the cost of the place prior to booking. Instead he wrongly assumed he could use the trip as an opportunity to romance you and therefore didn’t share the cost information. In that sense he made a mistake. You mentioned he was a good friend and if you’re going on a trip with him then it’s fair to assume you enjoyed his company and trusted him enough to take this trip. Once his feelings came out it made you panic and as a result all types of emotions are coming out on your end. That’s ok. You probably liked this person as a friend and now feel anger annoyance and guilt. I’m just assuming here. So to put back the boundaries you would like to pay your part so he’s clear on where you stand. Now comes the money part. If you haven’t already then share your receipts with him and request a copy of the bill from him as well. In terms of payment I would suck it up this time, pay my share and take it as a learning experience that going forward I would ask my friends for cost of places prior to them booking it. That’s honestly what I do with my friends anyway but I guess not everyone does that. In the meantime try not to let this experience ruin the positive memories of the trip. I don’t know him but you do well enough to like him as a friend and me I wouldn’t think someone I thought of as a good friend would have terrible intentions. I think to him he had this “great” plan in his head like this trip is the perfect opportunity for me to express my feelings to so and so and we will together and have lots and lots of babies. Well reality hit and he’s probably feeling all types of feelings as well probably anger embarrassment. I don’t know your friendship well enough to see if it’s worth salvaging but I would personally just be calm express my disinterest be honest that I like you as a friend but I don’t see a future with us. I would like to stay friends and will give you some time to figure out if that’s something you’d be comfortable with but I don’t want you to have any expectations for anything more.
Ok I just read your other response you made earlier to someone else regarding the situation and what went down. Absolutely do not pay him a dime and quite frankly you do not owe him even a response. I would personally stay away from that guy. In the future if anyone ever does something like that (which I truly hope it never happens again) no matter how much they spend don’t EVER feel bad or obligated to pay. Eff that. THAT type of behavior is completely unacceptable and as terrible as it sounds to say “you are lucky” , you ARE lucky it didn’t escalate to something worse. Which again is horrible to say but at least it’s something positive to say in that type of situation. Im so sorry you went through this. I wouldn’t even worry about your mutual friends at this point. For any friends that wouldn’t stick by you after this aren’t friends worth having anyway.
Rising Star
So I’d cut off ties with him after, but since you were adamant about splitting, ask for the bill and pay the share. Super shady on his part though
... why would you tell him the prices of everything you booked but not expect the same from him? Like... Why didn't you ask how much was the hotel? I would say be fair and pay what is due
Ladies in mind that hotel prices have at least tripled post covid
Exactly
You should pay him and then block him on everything.
Is it $1800 for 2 rooms for 2 nights? $450 still seems like a lot for a hiking trip hotel unless it’s mega extravagant.
Honestly OP, if that’s the case I would pay for my half and just move on from this dude. I wouldn’t want to feel beholden to him in any way, but I would def let him know that in the future if he’s booking something that expensive that will ultimately be split he needs to run it by his travel partner first. And obviously cut him out of your life.
Ask for a bill…I trust absolutely no one so wouldn’t be shocked if he used points.
THIS👆👆👆
Ask for the receipt and pay it or whatever you feel comfortable paying. With the explanation that it wasn’t your choice
Get a copy of the bill but the correct thing would be to split.
That’s why I always feel it can never be completely platonic with the person of the opposite sex.
I’d say pay just to settle things and go separate ways. I see he is still part of your friend group, so paying allows you to still be around him with others without the drama. It’s paid for and done.
It’s a shitty situation, but going on a trip with a guy, sharing a hotel room (and bed!) with them can lead to the wrong message. Should it? No.. but I can see it getting twisted. I’d just bite the bullet, split the costs and learn the lesson to be more specific about these things in the future.
I’m sorry this was your experience! I’ve been looking at those Under Canvas trips and they are crazy expensive.. they looked nice though. Now I won’t bother. Did you know where you were staying before the trip?
I just want to drop in to say to all the ladies out there: don’t go on a trip with a male friend unless you really trust him! It’s sad but this situation happens a lot 😔
Honestly, I have accidentally gotten stuck with paying a $300 dinner bill to ensure that no one could say that I owed a creepy pervert anything.
Whether to pay or not depends on if you have mutual friend and how afraid you are of him coming after you. If he was random, don’t pay and cut off all contact. If he has mutual friends, pay and tell everyone that he tried to assault you. If you pay, you will have the upper hand in the future.
Chief
I agree with others that there are some lessons learned on confirming costs upfront and how things will be divided. I think “shooting your shot” by booking a single room with one bed is NOT the way to do it. It puts the woman in a very uncomfortable position, so that was a complete d*ck move on his part. That said, I would just pay the money and move on. Situation sucks, but I personally feel a clean slate is worth the money.
He booked it with the forethought that he would be paying for it (and with the assumption the fancy hotel would buy sex from you). He did not book the place thinking you would be responsible for any of it. Thus, the totality of the cost is on him.
I agree with those suggesting to ask for the bill- not with any intention to pay for it but simply to see if he was exaggerating on the cost and should mark him as liar in addition to all the other categories he fits into.
I find it strange that there was no budget discussion to begin with. Financial disputes may break even the best friendship...
Also, I wonder if you asked him to book a room with separate single beds - that might have given him a hint.
Thought I was traveling with a platonic friend (bed arrangements are irrelevant in that case anyway), so didn’t think any hints were needed / hotel booking was his responsibility, not mine to micromanage. I told him prices when I booked (“I’m booking a rental Toyota Camry for $450, ok?”) - but he didn’t do the same
Pro
@OP you did the right thing at every single juncture in this scenario. Good for you 💪
Is there a price diff between a basic two twin room and the king he booked trying to pressure you into sex?
If so I think it's pretty reasonable to pay half of the kind of room he *should* have booked, and the "I wanna get laid" premium is his problem
While he sounds slimy, It looks like the hotel cost is legitimate, so pay up, move on and just don’t deal with him in the future. I do struggle with the lack of proactivity on your part to be clear about your budget BEFORE the trip. This way he would have known upfront your intention was to pay half. I’ve taken many trips over the years with friends and we’ve always discussed costs upfront - this avoids any awkwardness when the bills arrive.
Conversation Starter
1800 for 2 nights is insane! Even premiere hotels would charge at the max 400$ per night.. he is totally bluffing. Ask for receipt
So....what happened??