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Please help me with In-hand salary :
Cleaner recommendations in LES/Chinatown area?
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Tell her that if there isn't a bedroom cleared out, you're not staying with her. It's a natural consequence of her behavior. You can also offer to sort through clothes with her or find her a mental health professional to talk to, but the only thing you can really control is your own behavior, not yours. If there were health and safety issues, there might be other things you could do, but it doesn't sound like she's there yet. My mom has some hoarding as well. I expect it will get worse as she gets older but right now there's not a lot I can do.
Agree. You can go a little gentler and say it’s probably more comfortable for everyone if you get a hotel and assure her that you’ll be at her place all day, just not sleeping there. For transparency, I feel like my mom is going down the same path (my dad controlled all the money, she made more and would give him her check and get an allowance back in return) just because she can and there’s no reason to reign it in. I went from sleeping in a guest room to sleeping on an air mattress in an office/music room/memento display room/becoming an extra closet and I’m miserable in the mornings after sleeping on that. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I am a huge grump who takes forever to get up because I’m in so much back pain. If she wants you staying there (like mine does), she’ll make a more comfortable space for you. You might have to go home more often though 😬
I like the idea of helping her clear it out. Maybe try some tough love like “mom look at this room, rbis isn’t the best way to manage your money or space. We’re going to clean it out together, I’m going to help you and then we’re going to go to a nice spa date” or maybe watch konmari with her to inspire
Great book on the topic that may illuminate some of the psychological aspects at play
https://www.amazon.com/Stuff-Compulsive-Hoarding-Meaning-Things/dp/0547422555
It’s requires either therapy or acceptance.
Does she remember buying everything? Does she buy duplicates or just lots of stuff? I ask because my MIL had early onset Alzheimer’s, and the first sign was out of control shopping and buying multiple of the same items over and over again. With her, it was clothes and kitchen stuff.
Lots of stuff, she can get one shoe in 5 different colors. Or 5 different shoes. I need practical tips on how to get her to at least start getting rid of things. 😭😭😭😭😭
You should submit her to Marie Kondo
Will wear them eventually and never has. How can I help her? I got home for the holidays and it’s worse than ever. We literally have to sleep in the living room because all the bedrooms are full of clothes. 😭😭😭😭😭
Oh no, your post got me right in the closet 😳
Sorry OP, sounds awful. Try to get her to agree to sell some on Poshmark or ThredUP, and watch Marie lindo videos with her. But most importantly do some research on psychological causes and try to address the root causes. Hope her finances are ok. Good luck!
I’d give her Marie Kondo’s book on decluttering and also watch her Netflix show with her if I were you
My mother is a hoarder, as was her aunt and her father. When I come to town, not only do I not stay with her, I haven’t been inside her townhouse for over 20 years (I’ve actually only stepped foot inside it once). I’m past the point of trying to “fix” her - she is who she is and she needs therapy and probably medication. She’s not interested in either, so I don’t worry about it.
If your mom is receptive to your advice - great! If not, I would accept her and move on.