{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "...I wonder what normal people feel in life. I wonder who I would have been if I weren’t so sick.", "post_id": "5e2b690d827ab6002fb2572b", "reply_count": 23, "vote_count": 6, "bowl_id": "59d02db312fe2f0011e02215", "bowl_name": "Depression/Anxiety Talk" }

...I wonder what normal people feel in life. I wonder who I would have been if I weren’t so sick.

likehelpful
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OP, Principal here. I’ve been there too. About 7 years back was so sick for months that I was advised by my family and doc to quit working forever. I was told I could never travel again. Things got better after a took 2-3 month break and focused on my physical and mental health, moved to my current job. I’ve been extremely fortunate to be working with an immensely supportive set of MDPs and Partner right since my first case. They force me to take a break every few months (when I am completely off the grid) and are are very protective of me. I think just being around such understanding people made all the difference to my health and mindset. I still have that latent fear that someday this will all crash and I’ll go back to being the same sick person who will be bedridden and depressed for life. I ensure that I associate myself with only positive people, content, things around me.. I really hope you get well soon and find peace.

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On my worst day - someone told me to “do something that makes you happy”. I took a month off, wandered around the city, and ate a lot of ice cream. Eventually, i started looking forward to other things too, but it took a while. (For the record - I will crash in less than I week if I don’t eat or sleep properly. Force yourself, even if you don’t care.)

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I used to work at BCG and went through a really bad experience. Was dealing with all sorts of stuff at home and no one cared. Fell into a terrible depression, couldnt afford to take leave etc. But I can only say that I took advantage of the benefits at the time and therapy eventually helped me through it. I left BCG to go to a Big 4. Most people would ask why. I did what was right for me at the time. I could no longer surround myself with leadership that doesn't care about my wellbeing.

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Just want to be sure by sick we are saying our mental illnesses? I think about this often too. My husband literally says he just has no thoughts, and just full of contentment. Contentment=happy, wants (including the want of not wanting something we have= mental turmoil). He tries to follow me and my thoughts and just cannot fathom how my mind works. ... fucking sucks. I wish I wasn’t always thinkingggg. Silence of the mind sounds amazing, peaceful.

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Op I am learning to set boundaries. You have to in this profession.

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I think about this sometimes too. And I think that’s ok. In a way it can be a motivational thought. Who CAN YOU STILL BE if you’re sick less or focus on your sickness less? Sometimes having the visión of what can be is what it takes to propel you forward

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I really did try this only to have my illness cut my dreams off at the knees

OP it sounds like you need to seek some immediate professional help and take a medical leave of absence. Your career will recover. I’m sure your company and projects and responsibilities will manage. But very selfishly the only person you need to take care of right now is yourself. Tell them all to fuck off and do whatever it is you need to do. Use that time to get professional help and look for another option. But if you’re this serious about killing yourself you need to immediately declare leave.

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...and what I definitely hate is when someone dies and then someone else says “oh but she had depression,” so suddenly everyone becomes ok with it as though dying prematurely was the next logical step

What is wrong op? You work in MBB yo? I had depression when I went to a to high-school.

SC1, please please please be mindful of saying such things like “insecure overachievers, just be happy”. If people look at my life they’d think I’m doing extremely well, you don’t know what people have gone through to get where they are. You don’t know what someone has had to endure and live with all their life. I have reported your comment as it has no place in this bowl.

Take back your weekend. Start calling friends. Slowly people will respond.

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