I work in consulting, my partner works as an elementary teacher. I find that we don’t often understand each other’s work which makes it difficult to connect in this area, grow together professionally, or even emotionally connect sometimes. This with other differences such as interests, humor, socializing, make me wonder if these are too many differences and maybe we aren’t as compatible? Thoughts? Obv. could work but not sure we can grow together/push each other or it becomes a problem later on?

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Why do you need to grow professionally with your romantic partner? He/she is there to balance you out otherwise - do you work to live or live to work? Look to your colleagues to push you professionally.

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There’s no right answer but I’d suggest being honest with yourself at the least. Because if you’re not being your most authentic self on the daily, it’s not sustainable.

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OP: it seems you are focusing on your differences. I would put that aside and focus on what you have in common and you will that that you are much more alike than different. All depends on how you look at it. I agree that there are people who are not compatible with each other but the above examples you provided do not seem to imply and your SO are no compatible.

smart

This is crazy to read! My fiancé and I are also high school sweethearts and have been together 9 years. I often wonder whether we are growing apart because, as you may expect, we’ve changed immeasurably over this time span. To mirror this thread (kind of), I am very career oriented and she is not (your SO might be). She has a business degree, but hasn’t used it, and has zero confidence in her ability to perform in the workplace. It’s getting harder for me to swallow because her mother also has no self confidence, and grew into a very bitter, angry couch potato with a drinking problem that works as an optometrist making like $14/hr. I see a lot of parallels between them by comparing how her mother was at a younger age to my fiancé now and wonder if she is destined for the same. Then I wonder if I can, or if I should, help her avoid that path. I wonder “should” because sometimes I feel like I am taking care of a child and if I’ve helped enable these things over the years. I don’t love her any less but I wonder if we would be better off as really good friends rather than husband and wife.

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What do you connect on?

As what professional growth are you asking from an elementary teacher? It’s essentially get tenure and thats it for multiple decades

What made you get together 5 years ago? Did you enjoy each other’s humor back then? What happened? Perhaps you travelled for work prior to covid and didn’t have so much time to spend together to realize you don’t have that much in common?

You're not always going to have super interesting fun new conversations five years into a relationship. Sometimes it's nice to enjoy some peaceful silence.

If you feel happy together I don't think it's important to have all those commonalities. You bond over your joint financial goals, your separate career goals (supporting one another), and your shared vision for your life together. You can enjoy time apart and have separate friend groups and interests. Career is not life.

If you do not enjoy being together, consider ending it or communicating your needs and desires with your partner.

Context: We are high school sweethearts, went through 5 years of distance in college and one year after college. Saw each other every summer and it worked for a while, once we got older, I realized maybe we have differences that are more glaring than just being happy spending time together which we can do. But we don’t seem to have deep talks ever, more small talk. Which makes it hard to connect on intellectual/emotional levels.

Dont have the same interests in friends/social circles, music, shows, hobbies. So it’s hard because some big values match up, but many little values don’t.

I think you know deep down what the right thing to do is.

Aren't you teaching your clients how to run their business?

Maybe you have more in common than you know... 🌈

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