I work with an all male team and feel as if I’m constantly being put down. I notice that I’m not treated the same as the other analysts (all male). When I speak, Im always cut off vs they are not etc.

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I'm sorry you're going through this. I have (thankfully) have not been in this same position, but have read up on a few things to do:

Justices Sotomayor and RBG will get interpreted by male lawyers all the time and they simply keep speaking.

Do not say "excuse me" or "can I just add", etc because then you're asking for their permission. You are not beneath them (unless it really is someone more senior speaking from a place of management/leadership). Instead start again with, "as I was saying" or "I'd like to emphasize" and continue.

If it's just one particular man who starts contributing and the other men start paying attention to him instead of you, look at him and say "I was speaking" or "I'd like to finish my thought".

Easier said than done, I know. Sending love, empowerment, and courage 🙂

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First, that sucks, and I’m sorry you’re in the situation. Second, it’s very hard to change other’s behaviors, so first it can help you build more strength by managing your emotional energy and internal reaction.

1) Why do you feel you’re being put down? Guys typically neg each other a bit more and more aggressively but usually don’t mean it very personally. Try to rewire your inner voice to feel they are just not on the same page with you and it’s a chance to align or say it a different way.

2) When you get cut off - acknowledge it and try to get back in and kill with kindness “Hey, I’d just like to quickly finish the thought before hearing your point, [name].”

Over time, drawing attention to others poor behavior (e.g., cutting you off) while giving them a way out and learn from it without losing face (e.g., allowing them to have their say, not shaming in the moment, but asserting they should wait their turn) will make you feel more in control of the situation even if it takes a while to observe change.

All of this is on the assumption this group is generally collegial - if it’s toxic get help from office / other leadership

likehelpful

Read “How to be Successful Without Hurting Men’s Feelings.” A woman in my practice shared it with a few of us. It’s written as a farce, but is it?

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Is that real?? **runs to amazon.com***

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I will suggest that the Justices are in a structural position of power (that is tenured), so talking over the male lawyers as a tactic isn’t as jarring (since the fact they get interrupted at all is so outrageous).

I’ve observed women in our industry, especially at peer-to-peer levels, may need to react with more grace or else they could suffer penalties as not a good team sport or too aggressive.

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I do agree with you there, which I would only do if I were presenting something and my peers were having a side conversation. I will also say that my second point speaks a lot to gender expectations. I've hardly ever seen a man get interrupted and say, "excuse me", "can I just add", "may I add" to try to reclaim their soap box, but rather that's what they say when they interrupt women and don't wait for a response from the woman that yields their time or indicates that they're finished.

In addition to the above, get your fellow analysts to advocate for you, but make it their idea. Ask one of them after the next meeting if they noticed anything different about how you were treated (phrased better). He will probably say no. But after the next meeting he may say, you know, I did notice. Then he’s coming to you with the issue and you provide more data, then soon it’s his idea to saying a meeting, “excuse me, you just interrupted her”. From there, get more analysts to advocate, and soon, together you all advocate for each other!

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Let me tell you something, Toula. The man is the head, but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.

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Any tips on how to change the situation? Normally I’m very outspoken but the dynamic is very different with this group and it seems hard to get my POV across without seeming as if I’m complaining

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Are you working with an ABM? Just asking since we don’t have the role analysts in classic BCG and there may be different cultural ways of working there

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No it’s a standard project group. Analysts was in reference to the associates and consultants on the case with me

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This happens to me all the time being the only woman on technology projects, and generally being the only software engineer in a room of self taught coders. I've done things like when the guys only listen when one of the male managers says the same thing "Thanks for restating my point but in a masculine voice". Or I am very diligent about claiming credit for things. Or when the opportunity presents itself like when one of their boy wonders turns out to not be so great "it's really frustrating that I have to work so hard to prove I know what I'm talking about and he gets the benefit of the doubt".

Its a delicate balance to do it with enough smiles and encouragement and "Just pointing it out but I'm not upset" kind of tone to keep people on side. Also being ok with some of the dudes thinking you're obnoxiously feminist / kind of arrogant. For me, that bothers me less than being overlooked, uncredited or disrespected, but YMMV.

For me, ultimately, it feels like being in this industry is a bit of an uphill battle against unconscious bias no matter what... And I'd much rather pick the ground I'm fighting on.

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