{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "If you entered a higher SES than your immigrant parents and live pretty different lives (e.g., urban hcol, suburban lcol), how do you think about financial responsibilities to parents?\n\nStarting to get some real big bonuses and still aspiring towards personal goals (real estate, travel, future kids, etc.), but curious how others allocate their good fortunes (and if SOs agree)\n\nNice gifts? Vacations? Covering mortgages? Offer parental allowance / Encouraging earlier retirement to enjoy life?", "post_id": "61a71b6994a875002af9b5b5", "reply_count": 17, "vote_count": 5, "bowl_id": "5a898b0457e95c001826dcad", "bowl_name": "Asians in Consulting" }

If you entered a higher SES than your immigrant parents and live pretty different lives (e.g., urban hcol, suburban lcol), how do you think about financial responsibilities to parents? Starting to get some real big bonuses and still aspiring towards personal goals (real estate, travel, future kids, etc.), but curious how others allocate their good fortunes (and if SOs agree) Nice gifts? Vacations? Covering mortgages? Offer parental allowance / Encouraging earlier retirement to enjoy life?

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I pay for everything for my mom. She raised me as a single immigrant parent and we lived in poverty throughout my childhood. Now that she is old and retired with limited assets, I feel it’s the least I can do to support her financially so that she never has to worry in her old age about having her needs met.

likeuplifting

Easiest way to get your SO on board is to cheese an SO with positive ties to his family and with strong family values, usually an immigrant or child of immigrants. Those who were raised in a way that think supporting their family is wrong will have a hard time being convinced, and even if they do, are wanting one extra shiny toy away from not being as amenable about the arrangement anymore.

Everyone is different. For me, one data point to share, I will be giving my parents an iPhone, a nice dinner and $5000-6000 cash 💵

likehelpful

Depends on your relationship and financial situation obviously. I cover the full mortgage, pays bills and give them presents.

likehelpful

Bottom line is not to have any regrets when your parents pass away. So do what feel right for you that would not leave you with any regrets later

likehelpful

I buy my mom new phones, pay bills, and am contemplating giving her a monthly allowance. She retired early and has money from SSA but it’s not a lot. She doesn’t like material things. I’m thinking about renovating her house, it’s pretty rundown now.

likehelpful

I pay for their expenses and their small house. Started this before I even hit six figures because I could and I didn’t spend much

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Worked my ass off for 5 years to get where I am at KPMG. Now I spend most my time outside of work getting to connect and know my parents. It’s been a wild ride getting to understand their hopes and dreams.

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Get them nicer things that they won’t splurge on themselves - (fancier) food, phones, clothes, experiences. Whatever I indulge in, I like for them to try too.

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What’s a SES?

Socioeconomic status

Just a thought - consider what you do for your parents should also similarly be done to your in laws. Should be careful in setting the right level of expectations when you do this.

I pay it forward just like my parents did. My parents and grandparents never had and still don't have a desire to upgrade their SES. They just want to see their kids thrive. I'll be the same with my kids. I don't need them to feel guilt or feel obligated to pay me back. Their success is my reward

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