If you keep telling a person that is not your spouse that you’re romantically in-love with them, you can’t tell say you’re just friends. You’re either a home wrecker or having an emotional affair.

like
Posting as :
works at
You are currently posting as works at

@CW1 wtf are you talking about. Have you ever been in a relationship?

like

@CW1, emotional affairs are abso-fucking-lutely real. It’s different than a friendship. Furthermore, they can take place between people of the same gender, too.
And they hurt.
It’s also one thing to have a crush on someone and something very different to be truly attached emotionally.

like

Thank you @MD and @McCann.

@CW1: The problem is not me, and it’s pathetic that you would troll a very emotional situation and further try to kick me when I’m already down.

An emotional affair is about a lack of boundaries, similar to a sexual affair. Perhaps educate yourself first before speaking up.

My spouse happens to have other friends that my spouse was previously in relationships with. These individuals respect our relationship and don’t display any further romantic feelings for my spouse. I befriended one of them and we are actually very close and my spouse has continued to maintain a purely platonic friendship with this person. A friendship that respects the boundaries of our marriage.

This friend is actually aware of the emotional affair and 100% agrees that it was wrong.

So no, the problem is not me and I’m just insecure and flying off into fits of jealousy.

Not that I owe you an explanation, though. But there you go. If you don’t have any legitimately constructive or helpful comments, you can see yourself out the way you came in. Thanks!

like

Indeed. Very specific and definitely personal.

Nobody in the industry is to blame. I just needed someplace anonymous to vent!

like

Is polyamory an option?

likeuplifting

Wow, I am so sorry. I can’t imagine what you’re going through. The trust that has been broken.

Did your spouse rebuff this person’s feelings or reciprocate? Are you sure it never turned sexual?

I hope they’re able to be honest both about what they did but also why they did it. And what they are doing to fix it.

There may be mutual building needed to fix the root cause, but it’s on them to fix the damage they’ve done by not being honest and addressing their feelings with you in the first place.

I’m so sorry this is what you’re going through. I’m married myself with kids and I can’t really imagine the pain and hurt by such a breach in trust - and in emotional vulnerability

like

Very specific. Sounds personal. Who hurt you?!

like

That sucks and it hurts, OP. Sorry you're going through it.

like

Am I the only one having a hard time unraveling that? It's okay if it is.

like

Polyamory would be an option if it was a mutual decision and discussion. Not a back-handed: I was priming this person (that you never met, without your knowledge or prior consent) to bring them into a polyamorous relationship for both of us.

like

Was this your spouse doing this?

Ugh, I’m sorry OP

like

Thank you, @MD. My spouse apparently never let go of youthful feelings for this other person, who disappeared from my spouse’s life 10 years ago after never reciprocating my spouse’s feelings.

6 years into my relationship, which includes 3 years of marriage, this person mysteriously turns up and is ready for love, only to realize that my spouse went on with life.

Then the unrequited love decided that it was time to stop running from my spouse and my spouse was eager to express feelings, despite telling this person that our marriage is happy. The emotional affair took place primarily over the phone. I found out by happenstance a year later.

My spouse ended things to cut off communications, or so I was told, until the other person sent an invite to my spouse for an app to make calls that wouldn’t come up in my spouse’s phone records.

After fighting off and on for a week, and my confrontation with the other person over the phone, they finally agreed to step away from each other. We moved on with our lives and we started working on our relationship again. My one request was to be open and honest and let me know if they came into contact again. I was assured by both parties that they would never contact each other again.

Then the other person contacted my spouse to wish happy birthday, sending another invite to the app. I only found out a week later when a message from the other person came in while I was with my spouse.

Another big fight ensues and my spouse finally deletes all contact info and communications from the other person. But the damage has been done. AGAIN.

However, I find it hard to believe that my spouse is truly happy, despite my spouse’s insistence. The lying and hiding is driving me crazy.

I’m trying to rebuild the trust, but I’m not sure anymore.

like

Wow so sorry @Director OP. This thing called love, we need/want it but there’s just no guarantees. *sigh* They say the best apology is changed behavior. Sounds like your spouse seems to be encouraging the other person by condoning their advances, and as long as that happens it’s going to be hard for you guys to rebuild your relationship. I wish you guys the very best, and pray for strength for you to get through this whatever the outcome.

like

Thank you, @Director1.

^ Nope, me too.

Thank you, MD. Yes, it was my spouse. Since it went just short of being sexual, although the emotional affair lasted for well over a year before I found out, my spouse thinks that it wasn’t wrong. My spouse only acknowledged wrong-doing based on my reaction to the situation.

The other person in question knew that I was unaware and told my spouse to keep it that way in order to avoid any hurt feelings. But when confronted by me directly, gave the lame excuse of not trying to be a home wrecker.

Until this situation, my spouse and I legit had no damaging secrets from each other. I feel like I’ve lost my best friend because this other person was able to convince my spouse to not trust me anymore with their feeling. My spouse and I have always been honest and upfront with each other before this situation, or so I thought. Now I’m questioning our whole relationship and marriage based on this one incident.

@OP I’m so sorry.

Thank you, @McCann.

"Emotional affairs" are’t a real thing. In each and every emotional affair, I see the real problem is jealousy, insecurity, a need to control one's SO. The entire concept of “emotional affairs” stems from an archaic notion that men and women really aren't capable of being close friends, and that’s bullshit. The problem is probably you.

Related Posts

Is it possible to negotiate AWS L4 to L5 for non-tech program manager? I have 4 YOE.

like

Does anyone know what life at Medidata as a solutions consultant is? Work life balance, team culture, compensation?

I am considering a move, don't have an offer on my desk yet but advancing through the interviews. Would like to prepare if a decision will need to happen.

I like my current job but am starting to feel burnt out covering the understaffed presales team while not making any more money for my efforts. We also recently (a year ago) went through a merger that is causing me concern.

like

Going for a chest press PB (87.5kg)
Give me some encouragement!

likeuplifting

Anyone here looking for a study buddy?

To any AA EXP 🐠 for 2019, do they update the EP luggage tags or do you retain the ones from 2018?

like

Hi, I have an interview with Twitch for a product manager role. Can anyone help me with what I should expect while interviewing with them?

like

Hi Fishes,
My YOE: 8.4
Stack : .NET Full Stack Angular Developer
Current : 15.4 L.P.A

Am on notice period (70 days remaining )
Offer in Hand : TCS, 21 L.P.A

Need suggestions on some good product based companies which I could target..
I already Have 4+ YOE in product based company

Thank You In Advance.. 🤗

I have three OL — 1) HCL with 23LPA - 20 fixed. 2) ROBERT Bosch 20 LPA - 18 Fixed. 3) SOCIATE GENRAL - 21 FIXED. which one should I join , very confused. which one to choose ?

What’s everyone drinking right now?

like

How much salary hike will TCS give to 6 yrs experienced candidate

like

KL Rahul is biggest scam in cricket 🙂

Post Photo
funnylike

Looking for a new head phones/ earphone for running/work/travel.... any suggestions?

like

Is everyone leaving ad agencies these days or our value just increased in the industry. Getting too many recruiters in my inbox these days . Trying to understand where this is coming from.

like

McKinsey & Company Bain & Company URGENT ADVICE : Presenting to client in 10hours: how to be very time conscious?! Will have like 30m for 12 slides but when on stimulants find it very difficult to be conscious of time or even look at time when I’m busy presenting. Thoughts?! Boston Consulting Group McKinsey & Company Bain & Company Strategy&

like

What are some of your favorite science podcasts to listen to?

like
like

Hi Fishes,
I got my Tata Consultancy offer letter 9.50 LPA two months ago, with that I put down my papers in CTS, now the problem is I got two good Offers Uplers - 14 LPA and Larsen & Toubro Infotech -13 LPA
can i ask TCS to match this offer, if so how can i ask them?
My joining date is 19Sep

Y.O.E -3.6 Yrs
TECH-STACK: react js , frond end developer

like

Any thoughts on Iron Condors on DOCU?

like

Need recommendation for brokers that
a) allows day trading without min. balance in account
b) 0 commission for stocks and options
c) does not have a record of restrict trading
I know that RH and Webull both require 25k for a) and satisfies b), but not c). Is there a better option?
Thanks.

like

Hi all,
I am holding offer from Infosys- 16 LPA, Mindtree- 11LPA, TCS- 9 LPA and VGL- 15 LPA as I will join the company in two weeks. I am not sure, which one I should join and should I ask with other companies for revised offer letter (if yes, please suggest me the process) or I should join Infosys or VGL?

Any help or suggestion will be highly appreciated, thanks for your help.

like

Additional Posts in Advertising Confessions

Every day I go to work thinking, “Today’s the day. The day I walk out without notice after telling everyone to go fuck themselves.” Guess we’ll find out if tomorrow’s the day. Because it wasn’t today

likefunnyuplifting

5:30 am for an video interview with someone in Germany! Rolled out of bed in my tank top and panties and just threw on a business jacket. 🙃

likefunnyuplifting

I hate open office plans

likesmartupliftingfunny

I went client side and am miserable - it’s madness on this side. Have made it 90 days and would prefer not to make it more than 120 - but we’re in a pandemic. Half of the problem is that I “onboarded” remote and the onboarding was TERRIBLE. The other thing is that there is no process and I’m on a team full of managers who have spent 15 years at this company and have no availability to talk to me with a day full of meetings. I’d prefer not to quit without a backup but I cry every day.

like

Just had a serious come to Jesus in a meeting. It was entertaining and will lead to one of two things: a much better work environment/structure or it will solidify my decision to leave. Here we go!

likefunny

What’s the shortest amount of time you’ve taken in a new job to realize that your new agency is a shit show and you need out?

like

Is the Pee Tape real? And if it comes out, what happens? Nothing, right?

like

I want to buy a different car but I keep psyching myself out because I’m conditioned to save save save and have anxiety about it. What’s the point of making money if I can’t buy something that I would enjoy?

like

I feel at a loss at my company's direction for the next few years and it's making me so stressed about my future. I wish leadership was more clear + I had more of a voice but I feel like a tiny cog in a machine that's warp speeding towards a giant ? mark in an industry in constant turmoil.

like

Feeling stuck in my role, but unsure of my next move. Move agencies? Stick to social/PR? Acct mgmt? Get an MBA to become an eventual brand mgr? I’m so overwhelmed and feel like I have to specialize.

like

I’m trying to stop self-doubting myself all the time, but I don’t think I can

likefunny

Anyone know what happened w the Ogilvy CCO? Adweek was cryptic as hell and I’m just being nosey :)

like

I feel like there's no place for me in the industry because in a 5'6" shy man. I feel like I need to be super charismatic if I want to be taken seriously in any presentation.

like

I really don't like open floor plans for offices. At least my company's poorly designed one...

like

There is a guy at work that is a total goodie two-shoes. It’s terrifying. It’s like goofus and gallant but like gallant times 1000000

like

TFW when you dress up specifically to catch the eye of someone in the office and they don’t come in that day...

likefunny

I feel like I’m being set up for failure at my current position. Communication is non existent, I’m never given clear direction on anything, and process is so backwards (any attempts to fix it...(1/2)

like

I miss being a bright-eyed & bushy-tailed young creative. This industry has left me tired & jaded. Womp womp.

like

The mornings are when I’m most productive and it never fails.. my one friend/coworker comes over to talk to me about meaningless BS every time i start getting momentum. Nice guy.. but leave me alone.

like

Anyone else kinda enjoying the wfh/lack of pressure to go out? I got a pay cut, I’m working harder than ever and things are uncertain but I can’t help but feel relieved to not be so emotionally drained. Maybe it’s because I’ve been doing a lot of emotional labor for others? 😬

like

New to Fishbowl?

Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
That was just a preview…
Sign Up to see all discussions
  • Discover what it’s like to work at companies from real professionals
  • Get candid advice from people in your field in a safe space
  • Chat and network with other professionals in your field
Sign up in seconds to unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.

Already a user?
Login here

Share

Embed this post

Copy and paste embed code on your site

Preview

Download the
Fishbowl app

See what’s happening in your industry
from the palm of your hand.

A phone with Fishbowl app

Send download link to your phone

OR

Scan your QR code to download
Fishbowl app on your mobile

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy.

Messaging rates may apply

Download app

Sign up for free to view this conversation on Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use and Privacy Policy

Already have an account? Log in

Sign up for free to continue using Fishbowl

By continuing you agree to Terms of Use(New) and Privacy Policy(New)
Messaging rates may apply

Already have an account? Log in

For account settings, visit Fishbowl on Desktop Browser or

General

Legal