{ "media_type": "text", "post_content": "If you run into a situation where someone says a sexist/racist statement and then backpedals by saying \"it was just a joke\" in order to save face, have them explain it.\n\nThis accomplishes two/three things: 1) makes them realize the reality of what they said and/or shuts them up and 2) allows more details you can tell HR.\n\nDon't stand for this shit. You guys deserve better and so does everyone else around you.", "post_id": "5f4d3d2e0e61e1001a21761e", "reply_count": 93, "vote_count": 105, "bowl_id": "552d1d24dc1c586b09d2d051", "bowl_name": "Consulting", "feed_type": "crowd" }

If you run into a situation where someone says a sexist/racist statement and then backpedals by saying "it was just a joke" in order to save face, have them explain it.

This accomplishes two/three things: 1) makes them realize the reality of what they said and/or shuts them up and 2) allows more details you can tell HR.

Don't stand for this shit. You guys deserve better and so does everyone else around you.

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So your plan is to get them to say more and more things to the point where you can get them in maximum trouble?

Why don’t you just tell HR the joke if you want to report them?

If your goal is to help them see their error, and that’s it, that’s one thing. But to use that to increase the repercussions? That’s not right.


I can see both sides to this. A direct and open conversation can be really effective if both parties respect each other. But also, that race/gender conversation has gone on for a looooong time. Seems like someone isn’t really to listening.


Recognizing each other’s differences and diversity is not the same thing as treating someone unfairly for those differences. Most jokes are designed to leverage those differences to create humor, not necessarily to harass someone. Agreed, some jokes are terrible and some jokes are used repeatedly to harass people - but these are very delicate lines. The key is to look for repeated and consistent bad behavior, and the intentions behind that.

Nobody’s asking us to stop joking completely.

Nobody should try to get offended by every small thing.


D3, I read your post thrice to understand where you’re going with this. If there is someone asking to be coddled, it’s actually the offended ones.

Once upon a time there were oppressors and oppressed. We all want equality and we all support that. However, it seems that for many of the armchair social warriors, the new normal has to be guilt-carriers and fragile-entitled. It’s like we want the majority to look at minorities and not feel solidarity for them - we want majority to look at minority and just feel guilty all the time. Every decision must be taken with guilt in consideration.

For all it matters, I’m a minority too and I’m not saying what majority did or does is justified. I’m just saying that the reactions aren’t justified either.

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No happy hour invites for OP


C1, you suck.


Ok thanks Karen


You’re welcome

Some of you guys act like not saying racist jokes takes a huge part away from conversations and interactions lol

Maybe develop an actual sense of humor that isn’t at the expense of making fun of other people?


I’m really racking my brain here for non racist ways to respond to this. There is no way!


Thought police cracking down on wrongspeak

there's big difference between saying racial slurs and a joke. But I guess now humor isn't allowed

When you blur the lines, all you do is diminish people's care about real racism/sexism. Boy who cries wolf is the lesson to be learned




OP this is a good tactic, have had to use it many times in the past (unfortunately) and it’s invaluable


I’m fully supportive of this. Makes sense and helps shut down a lot of the seemingly casual talk that can make people end up feeling uncomfortable


Interesting how some people on this thread are trying to explain this away while defending the ability to make these type of "jokes" in the workplace without realizing the irony of it all especially considering the content of the original post.


Urgh another day another person bent on finding something to be offended about. Happy Monday*


So many boring people around here. I’m with you C4


Those of you that are being passive aggressive to OP are basically exposing yourselves as racist. Otherwise, this post wouldn’t bother you so much.

You claim people that think like OP are taking away your fun or forcing you to become PC, but really they’re just asking you to be considerate toward other people. And the fact that you can’t respect that just shows the type of person you are.


D4, I hear that, and that makes sense. I may be mistaken, but I read OP as saying “say something that’s inappropriate, then work with them to force them to say more and more inappropriate things before reporting so you can get them in more trouble”. Completely on board with exposing what’s inappropriate and calling it out. I have a problem with the approach of not reporting it from the start (assuming a joke has already been made), and trying to get the person to say more and more to make it a package deal.

Totally fine with the approach that you’re describing out at the bar, because nothing has been said, and your questions makes it uncomfortable because they see the fault in it.

However, I read OP as “I can get this person in trouble, but instead, I’ll try and force them to say additional things to get them in more trouble”


I’m enjoying being able to treat you all like robots now that everything other than work has been banned by your own self-policing. More time for more slides now that everything else is off limits! I love it when my team takes the initiative!


The drama inside of this thread is wayyyy too loud


M3 - there’s more to work than “slides” and “sexist/racist jokes”.


SM2 - I totally buy your point. In fact, I would argue that no one is sensitive to know all the things that all the people would take offensively. But, as I mentioned in my earlier comments, if people just speak honestly and directly and others listen with good intentions, then we all get the chance to grow really quickly.

Regarding sexist and racist jokes in the office, I find it hard to believe that anyone has failed to put that into the “clear-bad” category. Even if you’re the kind of person who has that black friend who you “think” totally gets it, you know a joke that starts with “3 ladies walk into a bar....” is “clear-bad”.


This is 2020 jokes and fun aren’t allowed. You must stay within the very narrow PC lane or get fired and be ostracized from the rest of society. People like OP are doing the lord’s work by carrying a notepad around to document everything you say that may not be 100% okay with no context provided. You have been warned!!!


Love D3 ♥️ this has been the greatest verbal smack downs I have read in a while


So is Dave Chappelle out of a job now?


dave chapelle has been sent to re-education camps... er i mean retreats. He is very happy and healthy. He says he now understands what he did was wrong.


I love when people try to argue racist behaviors are not “that” racist, it’s because you are missing the context, or it wasn’t meant to be offensive, or there are good guys on both sides, or it’s a cultural thing, or, or, or.
Maybe just shut up and leave everyone else with the doubt you may be racist? You don’t have to prove it


Unless it was REALLY bad, taking someone’s dignity away if they misspoke is unconscionable. Private chat later with feedback. Let’s learn to work together.


Ok Karen.


Thanks for the advice! I’ve never had that happen to me, but if it does, now I know what to do.

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