Related Posts
Coach
Conversation Starter
Mentor
Additional Posts
New Member
Everyone at my client site is sick 😷
New to Fishbowl?
Download the Fishbowl app to
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
unlock all discussions on Fishbowl.
Download Fishbowl to see what others are saying
Send download link to your phone
Rising Star
It is very normal! People get jealous over many things, it’s human nature. Your situation is very valid, it’s a big change for both of you. He has to get comfortable in this new ‘identity’ and adjust to the world treating him better/differently bc as we all know, society has fat bias and fat shames. It is a psychological change for him and no one can predict if his personality will change, only time can tell. It’s also a psychological change for you, adjusting to his new physical looks and dealing with some insecurities. Focus on how you can be there for him, keep open communication. You can be proud of him while also managing your feelings. See if you can find a common hobbie health related. It doesn’t mean you have to lift weights, it can be a hike, walk or exploring a National park etc. Or maybe it can be healthy cooking classes or finding new healthy restaurants in dif cities. The reality is you can BOTH benefit from prioritizing your health and ensuring you don’t spend your savings on hospital bills later in life. Personally, this would motivate and inspire me to see what areas of improvement I have.
Exactly it’s for both of them!
When I met my husband (nearly 10 years ago in college), I was in the best shape of my life!! Working out every day thanks to my insanely fit, military-bound roommate. And he was attracted to that as he was in football, working out everyday. Naturally, I gained some relationship weight 🙃 and continued a life long struggle with losing it, gaining it, repeat, throughout our relationship. He NEVER made me feel bad about it and always told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. And sometimes, he even fell off the wagon a bit and gained weight but would start dieting and working out because he didn’t like that image of himself. I say all of this to say, I’m not dumb. He fell in love with me while I was fit which lets me know that he’s ATTRACTED to fitness although he won’t outright tell me or cheat on me. But there’s a possibility, if I gained an insane amount of weight or refused to do anything about it, that he could check out of the relationship (mentally or by leaving). I have noticed a direct link to how attracted he is to me when I’m working out and focused on bettering myself (not being unhealthily addicted to losing weight or obsessed with it) and how he acts when I’m sitting around doing nothing. If your guy was tired of the way he looked, his weight and decided to do something about it, those expectations may not end with himself but who he chooses to surround himself with. I don’t think he’ll cheat on you, but you may start to lose the man you once knew/loved as he continues to disassociate himself from that image of his old self (which includes you then and now) and falls in love with how his WHOLE life will look from here on out.
I would highly recommend you get in shape as well as he will likely have a lot of other women into him nowadays.
A1 is doling out some fallacious advice. It isn’t that complicated. No, you can’t prevent a cheater from cheating. Few choose partners based entirely on physical appearance. Physical appearance is a much greater component for men, though — studies show this, as do millennia of illustrations — and it is faulty all-or-none thinking to think getting in better shape, especially in this situation, is irrelevant to the likelihood of infidelity.
I finally got fed up with my health and lost 30 pounds. I didn't even tell my wife I was going to do this but obviously she noticed me working out. This was pre-COVID so she didn't really notice that I skipped breakfast, ate healthier lunches at work. I was afraid to tell her in case I failed. But once I was successful of course she noticed. I went down 4 pant sizes. I did it for me. It had nothing to do with her. We are still happily married (at least, from my perspective).
Rising Star
It all depends on bone structure/density and muscle/bone ratio. I’m 140 lbs but always get mistaken for 170/180.
Yep totally understandable. I’d want to be at least as hot as him and I’d feel gross bringing down the combined couple hotness score.
The male species is known to assert their dominance. Where the male goes to acquire strength, The male may get attention from the female kind who like to lift and drop heavy objects as does he. The male would then proceed to show his ring finger. Meanwhile his partner may wonder why acquiring much strength is needed, but worry should they not as the male species is trustworthy and would do what is necessary to provide for their family.
Birds chirping in the background, I can hear the voice and picture it too!!! 🤣👏🏼
Why does there have to be a secret reason to why he did this? Lmao
I was gonna say now OP has to compete with girls and guys
I would be happy for them but also makes me wonder what the sudden motivation was… has your boyfriend seemed more absent or disconnected from you recently? Any increase in fighting recently? Any personality changes?
Rising Star
Hmmm maybe to be healthy and live longer? Lol
Rising Star
Don’t be jealous. He is getting healthier - and that’s a good thing. You only get one body and one set of organs, and it’s up to you to take care of them. The healthier you are the more likely you will be to live a long and healthy life. Perhaps you should try to get healthier as well - it could be something y’all could do together.
Im the bf in this situation although I started from a more modest point. I got ripped over the past year and traded in a keg for a 6 pack. The honest truth is I did it for my own satisfaction and fulfillment. I’m happy with myself and loving feeling strong and looking great. And maybe just a bit I did it for my wife as well 😘
Kinda. We were both in the sedentary and over eating/convenience trap but I was overindulging more and was plushier.
Chief
Why would you be jealous of their journey? If you want to work on your own body, that has nothing to do with his.
Chief
If you think you are unworthy of certain types of partners, sure. I’ve never considered that I needed to look like a fitness model to be in a relationship with one. My husband has a sculpted physique and doesn’t even have to work for it and mine is more average and soft.
I recently had bariatric surgery and my husband is nothing but supportive of this massive change. I definitely didn’t do it with a mindset of “I want to be hot” or anything like that, it really is, I am sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. I’d just support him and be excited for him, because this is HARD work and it really is the best feeling to feel SO much better every day
Anecdotally, all the guys who suddenly hit the gym and got super ripped in business school quickly broke up with their girlfriends to date others…
Yup - sure did. Even broke up w some fiancé’s too.
Pro
Usually, when someone goes through bariatric surgery, they go through a lot of change, not only visually but mentally. With weight loss comes more agility, disposition, and an increase in self-esteem. Therapy is highly recommended for someone that goes through it. And better yet if you do it together because it would be a huge change for you too
Chief
Yeah that would motivate me to get pretty fit. I would feel self conscious about my body if I personally were not a healthy weight and my boyfriend now looks like a CrossFit model.
Pro
M2, Yes 😁
One time I told my uncle that my girlfriend had been working out a lot and he said "it means she's about to dump you". Something to think about, maybe.
Pro
Sound exactly like something a uncle would said.
My question would be where are you in this journey? You two should be a team. My SO and I made a commitment together to work out, eat healthier, and encourage one another. What are/were you doing while he’s losing weight and sculpting weight to muscle?
I have a question- when he was 150+ - did you not love him as he was. So now that he is much leaner and fitter - why do you think he is not going to be interested in you. He will surely remember the live and support you gave him then. So have confidence in your relationship and in him - unless you are clearly seeing signs which say otherwise.
I’d for sure be jealous and very self conscious because I am overweight. Since I struggle to love myself, I base a large part of my self-worth on how much my boyfriend loves me. If he lost weight and that is threatened, I’d be anxious. But I would 100% jealous that he was now fit and I am not. He has become what I want to be—thinner and happier. In my mind it would be hard to not think that he now possesses the feeling I want more that anything else—to move confidently and freely in the world without the burden of worrying what others think or say about my weight.
Rising Star
Thanks for your honesty and vulnerability. I’m sure you know this, but tying your self worth on an external person’s action/feelings/bias is not healthy, this red flag can also keep your relationships from evolving. It’s hard bc society can be very toxic, but take care of yourself. Seek therapy, and maybe a life coach to build up your confidence.
What will be … will be. Don’t fret and be yourself. Tides changes both ways..
Dang, I felt this. Was with a partner that was jealous I was saving 1k/mnth and I realized how shallow dating is these days- they don’t wanna see you win, they wanna see you donate your life essence to them 😹 how are you jealous of your man and not inspired? Just go on ahead, break up & get you a 🐕 🐩 🐶 🐱 🐈 🐈⬛
They were jealous you were saving $$? 😂 smh!! People are wild